Parents loan & Boyfriend

[Charlottesshoezzzz]

Looking for other people's perspective on my current situation so that I can see from other people's perspective if parents demands are unreasonable/reasonable.
Parents loaned me £5000 for deposit to buy house. Current partner of 6 months stays over a few nights a week ( 3 nights max ) Relationship is progressing & we are very happy together, there is talk of marriage & babies in the future.
Parents are demanding said boyfriend pays them the £5000 I owe seeing as though he is now sleeping here & benefiting from 'the house' they helped me buy by sleeping over & spending time here with me.
Have told parents I will pay them the £5000 when I sell the house as unfortunately the house isn't really big enough for the 2 of us to live here long term & we do plan to be together long term.
Parents are going NC with me after I have reached out & told them they will get the £5000 once I decide to sell ( which will probably be in the next year or 2 ) of course once we've been together longer as it's too soon to be doing anything major just yet.
By the time I decide to sell the house I feel that too much time has passed & I won't be able to forgive them for being what I feel is so unfair about this. I've met his family etc but he hasn't met mine due to them ignoring me until he coughs up the £5000.
I'm so embarrassed over it all & I've told him all of this.... he says he would pay them the £5000 to get them off my back & if that's what they want but I think it's all a little OTT & if he ever decided to move in here maybe that's when they would have a point in demanding such monies???
Also as not to drip feed... parents weren't demanding the £5000 from me before I met him, they have only started requesting it since he has been on the scene - I was paying it back in small instalments here & there.
Boyfriend treats me to meals out, mini breaks, leaves me money to treat myself etc... he has his own money & is by no means a sponger, parents won't hear any of this as they are ignoring me & they have no idea how well he treats me & cares for me.

Thoughts please.......looking for an outsider perspective on whether they are being unreasonable......

Yes - take out a loan and get them off your back.

I think your parents were happy to help you after a series of bad relationships. They've now got wind that the new boyfriend has paid off one of your debts, yet you're missing your regular payment to them.

I think I can see where they're coming from.

BackforGood raises some very good points. You don’t seem very reliable and happy to live off the generosity of others.

I’m glad you’re going to adhere to the original agreement with your parents from now on.

Also I’d point out that if your DP can prove he’s been contributing to your bills/home then he’ll gave a clsim to it in future should he ever move in. Therefore you’d be wise not to put yourself in a precarious position in this respect.

@Urchinella parents have not got wind that he has paid off debt.

That is between me & him. No need to tell them that. They don't know as they don't know much about him or our relationship. And plus they've been ignoring me for months now so no they don't know re how kind he has been to me.

Your parents are toxic!

Have a read of ‘Toxic Parents’ written by Susan Forward!

Personally, I think after their behaviour, I would go completely NC! Your bf sounds lovely, hopefully your relationship continues to blossom and you can enjoy making a new life together. You seem to have a close relationship with your siblings, you don’t need your parents!

Unfortunately, borrowing money from toxic parents makes them believe that they have full control over you! They often ramp up their awful behaviour afterwards! Don’t be embarrassed, you cannot help who your parents are!

Yes it wasn't ideal but he wanted to help me, and that's not for you to judge!

When we got engaged my DH helped me clear some debts I was struggling with. He got me out of a loan I had jointly with my ex H that was going into collection because the rat wouldn't pay his half and I couldn't pay both. I didn't ask, he offered and was lovely about it.

Don't let people here make you feel odd about this. He is free to offer you a gift in a situation like this and you are free to accept it.

Still no response from parents regarding my previous post.

I know they have read the message & I very much doubt they will be too busy to reply at this time of night. And I doubt they will be in bed.

More ignoring going on here I think.

I think you have to be clear with your parents that the loan was made to you and as such it’s up to you to pay it back on the terms agreed. Then you need to set up a regular DD to pay it off as a priority expense.

They are annoyed because rather than making regular payments you have just been paying it off as and when. Now you appear to be subsiding your BF by letting him stay. I realise the costs are proabably marginal but they are aggrieved by your lack of commitment in relation to this debt. Added to which the “treats” he is giving you probably may appear as though you are living a wasteful lifestyle with him. You say he leaves you money🤔. Why not give them that as an over payment of the debt.

At some level your parents seem to be controlling, which is why you should have been more businesslike in repayments. However you do seem to have a funny attitude to accepting money from them and now your boyfriend. I’m not quite sure it would sit well with me that my daughter was behaving like that.

He is a recent boyfriend not a partner, fiancé or anything remotelycommitted. He may never need to meet your parents because it might not progress.

A promise that you're going to pay a bit more and regularly doesn't really demand a much of a response. If you've been hit and miss about payments, words are cheap.

@MissConductUS thank you for your kind reply. Him offering to help me was exactly as you described ( kind & lovely about it )

@CaledonianQueen yes that book sounds interesting, I love reading so I may look to find it!

I'm going to refrain from discussing it with BF now as it's embarrassing.

My lovely BF is treating me to city break away soon in in a gorgeous hotel so I'm looking forward to that : ) Its such a shame my parents have no idea just how lovely & kind he is.

Will report back if any contact from the nutty parents : /

What is the female version of a cocklodger? Because you are one OP. It took you one whole month of feigning resistance before allowing your boyfriend of all but 6 months pay off your credit card debt? And then you told him about your parents demands? I'm embaressed for you. You know exactly what you're doing, hoping he'll pay it off once your resisted a suitable amount of time so as not to be obvious.

Whilst I doubt your parents are pleasent people, I can see why they want their money back! They lend you 5k and you agree monthly payments.. which you don't keep to. Then you jump two feet in to a relationship and pretty much become a 2 income household, buggering off on city breaks and being lavished in gifts.

Give your parents their money back and get some self respect.

Yes, the mortgage you wouldn't have gotten without help from your parents- all well and good But you didn't stick to the repayment deal you made with them by your own admission and then got further into debt, which your new bloke paid off.

How can you not see how bad this all looks on you? At best you are feckless with money and appear to take no responsibility for your own.

Bizarre

When did you last give your parents any of the money back? Was the deal meant to be that you’d paid them back by now? How long ago was the loan and why have you been hit and miss with repayment? Are they harassing you about your bf paying off the loan because they’re desperate?

@Firemansamismyman he would have found out about parents demands as I speak to siblings on facetime on a daily basis (sometimes whilst he is here) & they are constantly spouting off parents demands etc .... he has met my siblings, it's common knowledge between all of us siblings that parents are dramatic & OTT and we all regularly discuss who has recently been in the firing line. So probably at some point it would have been mentioned in front of him & we are very open & honest with each other.
He also overheard phone-call with my dad who was shouting unpleasantries re demanding money ' with bf now being here' so telling him was unavoidable as he asked what all the shouting from parents was about

Believe me, if I could have prevented him knowing this I would as all this drama is shameful.

So your accusations were incorrect.

As said in earlier post going to look into a loan to get them off my back.

OP, l think you are doing exactly the right thing, set up a DD for the most you can possibly afford. Then memail your DP with;

'I am so sorry you don't want to speak to me, but just to let you know l have set up a DD of X per month to repay the 5K loan. I will be very glad to hear from you, should you decide to call.'

They are being very controlling so this way you are taking back control, and showing you will not be bullied.

Perhaps the many bad relationships you've had in the past have coloured your parent's views OP. Presumably you were single when they helped you get on the property ladder, now you have a new boyfriend and you're not sticking to your payment plan.

You're in your 30's, they're probably fed up.

Ok, do you not realise that it is reasonable to be annoyed that the person who owes you £5k has stopped paying it back and told you to wait 5 years. Meanwhile they are being “lavished” by “gifts” of money and holidays by a man who is looking after her.

Maybe as a parent I wouldn’t go NC. But I would hope my daughter had more sense and respect to behave like this. Whether your parents are controlling or not, your own behaviour is quite insensitive and rather naive (taking money from a boyfriend).

You have a lot of contact with your siblings OP, I think it's entirely possible that your parents know about the money your BF gave you.

Waiting to hear if I get any response from offering to increase payment and set up monthly Direct debit.

If no response shortly I will look into loan & just transfer all of it and have done as I can't be arsed with all this drama.

Blithely take on some more debt for your boyfriend to pay off for you, eh?

You took your parents' £5K and haven't been repaying them properly, have said they can't have the money until you sell up, and now they're not leaping for joy and responding to your promise to pay a bit more on time, you're going to get a loan because that'll show 'em alright .

I predict this will quickly escalate.

I'm still struggling with the idea that your Parents believe your BF could possibly owe them the £5K ?!

insanity

Female Cocklodger = cunt dweller? Snatch Denizen? Twat Resider?