Parents loan & Boyfriend

[Charlottesshoezzzz]

Looking for other people's perspective on my current situation so that I can see from other people's perspective if parents demands are unreasonable/reasonable.
Parents loaned me £5000 for deposit to buy house. Current partner of 6 months stays over a few nights a week ( 3 nights max ) Relationship is progressing & we are very happy together, there is talk of marriage & babies in the future.
Parents are demanding said boyfriend pays them the £5000 I owe seeing as though he is now sleeping here & benefiting from 'the house' they helped me buy by sleeping over & spending time here with me.
Have told parents I will pay them the £5000 when I sell the house as unfortunately the house isn't really big enough for the 2 of us to live here long term & we do plan to be together long term.
Parents are going NC with me after I have reached out & told them they will get the £5000 once I decide to sell ( which will probably be in the next year or 2 ) of course once we've been together longer as it's too soon to be doing anything major just yet.
By the time I decide to sell the house I feel that too much time has passed & I won't be able to forgive them for being what I feel is so unfair about this. I've met his family etc but he hasn't met mine due to them ignoring me until he coughs up the £5000.
I'm so embarrassed over it all & I've told him all of this.... he says he would pay them the £5000 to get them off my back & if that's what they want but I think it's all a little OTT & if he ever decided to move in here maybe that's when they would have a point in demanding such monies???
Also as not to drip feed... parents weren't demanding the £5000 from me before I met him, they have only started requesting it since he has been on the scene - I was paying it back in small instalments here & there.
Boyfriend treats me to meals out, mini breaks, leaves me money to treat myself etc... he has his own money & is by no means a sponger, parents won't hear any of this as they are ignoring me & they have no idea how well he treats me & cares for me.

Thoughts please.......looking for an outsider perspective on whether they are being unreasonable......

Partner is a lot better off than me financially. Not that that has anything to do with anything! If parents met him & spoke about what he does etc this would be apparent.
But I guess they will never know.

@HundredMilesAnHour .... I've met his family & he has asked to meet mine. Believe me I put this off as long as I could until it has become apartment that their is some sort of issue! I wasn't going to lie to him so decided to be honest.

Its embarrassing both of us are a little bit over it all.

they are convinced that he is planning to move in here & screw me over by taking half of the house legally

What legal magic do they anticipate him using to do this? Even if you married him and then divorced the equity in the house was property you brought into the marriage, so would remain yours as you left the marriage.

Ignore them. Continue to make monthly payments as you previously did. When you get married you can decide if you want them at the wedding or not.

Even if I pay them off I fear the damage has been done & I won't be able to be normal with them like before.

They're toxic nutters. You can't have a normal relationship with people like that. The 5000 was merely a club to beat you with, leverage for emotional blackmail, as you've just discovered. They're using it to attempt to control your personal life. That's evil.

Are they generally controlling of you ? sounds like they don't want you to be fully independent and are throwing a tantrum about you being in a relationship , yes they could well be worried about their £5k but it all seems quite Ott

My parents did the same, but they are controlling. The money was originally a gift but when I got engaged, they wanted it back. From me, not my then partner. Legally, your boyfriend cannot get half your property as you owned it before you met and he is not paying into it. It is just bizarre behaviour - and very damaging.
I would take out a cheap loan and give them the money back. It is nothing to do with your boyfriend, aside from that he knows why you won’t be introducing him any time soon.

He does not own the house so why should he pay? If you are inviting him to stay that's down to you and not really their business. If he insists on paying then really his name needs putting on the deeds and this may cost legally.

@KataraJean it is very damaging! I mean how are we supposed to just rock up & have a cup of tea after it's been paid?!

They are controlling, honestly it's shameful.

Your boyfriend of 6 months has paid off your debts and your parents are after him to pay them £5K?! He must really like you or be made of money not to be running for the hills.

Why would you accept him paying off your debts so soon into a relationship? Why aren't you paying back your parents a regular amount? Don't you feel embarrassed to take everyone's money like this?

I'd either pay them a fiver a week by standing order and not talk to them ever again or I'd take out a loan and repay them now.

I have bonkers parents. There is a very simple rule. Never ever accept a sizeable gift or a loan of any size whatsoever. No matter how desperate you are: do not do it. You will always regret it later.

Unless you marry he'll have no entitlement no matter how long he stays there do how's that an issue?

I'd get a loan for sure and pay them back

I also echo a previous poster in that you've shown him a lot of drama for a 6 month relationship. I'd worry it'll scare him off - he shouldn't have to deal with that at this stage it's proper wierd. You could get. 5k loan over years and it'd cost less that it'll end up costing you long term on a mortgage anyway.

Wow, do they want you to be single forever?!
I got an email a couple of weeks ago about a £5k loan, repayment £69 per month. Think I’d rather do something like that than owe them a penny.
They sound awful!

He's your boyfriend of 6 months and you have already accepted a couple of thousand pounds cash from him to pay off a debt.

That's seriously unusual OP. There's more to this surely.

I think it's more strange that a very new bf would be paying off your loans. Do you not have a job?

@category12 .... jeez .... he wouldn't take no for an answer as it was causing me stress! It took me a month of him reminding me 'the offer was still there' before I accepted so no I didn't just snap his hand off for it. I cook for him, I wash his clothes, he stays here & I look after him so he wanted to return the favour & look after me ( in his own words ).

Yes it wasn't ideal but he wanted to help me, and that's not for you to judge!

You cook for him and wash his clothes and he pays off your debts. Doesn't sound very romantic for 6 months in.

Daren't tell the nutty parents about the cash gift as I just know they will go all OTT & presume this is just a ploy to get half of my house - yes I know them that well! Telling them about that will cause more harm than good!

It's just a huge shame really, because out of all the previous bad relationships I've had in the past... this one is a good egg & the type of guy they would want me to meet & be with ... but their behaviour will prevent them from knowing this.

@Itsalottery .... 😂

Trust me we are very romantic but I'm not about to spill all here ; )

@Itsalottery yes I work full time.

I have {....} told them they will get the £5000 once I decide to sell

Will take me years to pay them back by monthly instalments ( which is what was agreed at the time of borrowing )

I was paying it back in small instalments here & there.
He has been so kind to me, he paid off a couple of thousand pound credit debt I had as it was worrying me paying it off - this was a gift of cash btw.

So, you took a loan from your parents, with an agreement to pay back by monthly installments.
Not only have you not been paying it back, as agreed, but you have also racked up a credit card debt of 'a couple of thousand pounds', which you reckon you weren't able to pay off either.

Maybe this is nothing to do with him and your parents would genuinely like their money back now as you haven't stuck to your side of what was agreed ?

I'd be interested to hear this story from the parents' side.

Maybe they did make a throwaway comment about 'maybe your boyfriend could pay it' as he seems to have been paying your other debts, and leaves me money to treat myself but it would be interesting to hear their version.

I do feel sorry for you. If someone gives you a gift, that's what it is, a gift. There should be no conditions.

Pity no-one else, ie someone not personally involved, cannot point this out to your parents.

@Urchinella there isn't any more to it!

He's better off than me financially & he wanted to help me out. That is all.

I do wonder what your attitude to money is to run up credit cards and take loans that you don't pay off. A loan payment for £5k (or even £8k to cover your credit card debt too) isn't huge. But it seems you want to take money and it have no impact or implication on you.

Your Parents are NUTS UNSTABLE and CRAZY....

Ok so I've just messaged parents telling them that I can slightly increase monthly payments & I promise to pay EVERY month instead of hit & miss.

Awaiting response.

I would place bets that I get no response ( more ignoring ) because they now want either me or him to pay the full amount.

Time will tell.

You really have an awful handle on money if you're in debt that your boyfriend pays off and taking a loan off your parents that you haven't been paying reliably. How much effort does it actually take to set up a standing order? I reckon there's more to the story behind your parents behaviour.