So I'm the ow and I told his girlfriend d

[ilikebroccoli]

I am totally prepared to be flamed.

Met him 2 years ago whilst in an abusive relationship with my DC dad .

The father of my DC gaslighted , cheated and abused the shit out of me. So much I trust no one. We were together 8 years. Things were pretty shit towards the end.

I met other man through work. He chased me and I said no I had a partner etc. Eventually gave him my number. Suppose I fell for the attention of what I thought was a real life lovely man.

I Left my ex not specifically to be with him, but just has my eyes opened there was nice men around. My ex was raging I'd finally had the balls and left. My ex then threatened me he would post nudes of me on fb etc. A few weeks later I got a call from my ex saying his new gf was pregnant and told me her due date( which obviously meant he had cheated on me/-- but as he said the doctors always get the dates wrong 🙄🙄🙄) Low and behold he'd actually been cheating on me.

Other man was my rock. Then found out he wasn't single but sure it was too late I'd fallen for him. I should have called it off. I've no self respect at all.

This was 2 years ago and has been going on ever since

He said he couldnt leave his gf as he was afraid of loosing his child. And I believed him. And put up with accepting little crumbs.

He then started getting jealous that I was single and may possibly date people. For example last week I didn't reply to his txt for 3 hrs on WhatsApp. When I finally replied he then ignored me. Turns out he thought I was on a date. And got jealous. He then messaged me through the week saying he knows our affair will be over when I meet someone and he feels like a stop gap. I told him he could be with me if he wanted but he is choosing not to be.

went out with work friends last night. And he started messaging saying how he hoped I got some sex and just being nasty as fuck. I was drunk by this point and screen shot a load of whatapps and sent them to his girlfriend. My frame of mind was saying how the fuck dare he be jealous of me when he is the one with a girlfriend??????

I'm so ashamed. Why did I not just block and delete him?! He text me and said she has left him and not to contact him again.

Unwashed o meant 🤮

Don't look back - only forward. You deserve so much better than him.

Stay strong, don't even think about going there again.

Good luck, op. There are good guys out there. At the first sign of being disrespected, get out of there, don't even give them a second chance. Decent guys don't behave that way.

Oh I’m sorry women are allowed to betray other women for months and years because they couldn’t stop sleeping with them whilst they were living with their girlfriends because they’d fallen for them?

Jesus lets hope you don’t ever get cheated on!

I didn't betray her she's not my girlfriend? I have been cheated on. My child now has the most gorgeous little sister as a result.

ilikebroccoli you've had a very rough time.

Please focus on you and build up your self esteem.

"He also txt and said revenge will be sweet. I asked him today what that meant as I was worried. He said to ignore it he can't be bothered with revenge and want to put it all behind him. But I'm still worried." He's a nasty piece of work isn't he.

"He is
More senior than me in work. Not my direct line manager and works in a completely different department. But still I worry about the seniority aspect."

If he does anything at all to you at work, speak to HR.

"I could have just blocked him and moved on. But I had to hurt someone else In the process." I think you did her a favour. At least she now knows what he is like even if she has chosen to stay with him.

Please concentrate on building your self esteem and finding a better way forward.

Vegetable OP has no relationship with, connection to or loyalty to the GF. The man she has been seeing does. It is he who has betrayed the GF, not the OP. I don’t understand why people are so quick to blame the OW in these scenarios. Poor men, they can’t help it if their heads are turned by some evil temptresses, they’re not to blame at all.

Yep they would, if they really loved like they said. It's all just bullshit and when you start realising it's really hard to get your head around, like how could anyone be like that and not give a complete fuck. Exactly how I felt so many times I just felt so desperate, he would say how much he loved and wanted to be with me I'd say well why won't you leave her then and as soon as I said it I realised how desperate and sad it sounded. It's so shit, I literally can't talk to him else he will just suck me back in!

It's sooo fucking hard an easier for other people to say it but you really need to try and focus on you an dc, try and get him out of your head, get in the bath do you hair/make up and just make yourself feel better, keep yourself busy, because you are enough and worth loads fucking more! I have no doubt he will be back chasing you again though! Honestly you will feel so much better with him out of your life!

Sausage I don’t think it’s ok that a man was cheating on his GF, no. But I think he is the one to blame, not the OW.

Agree with FieryGhoulie "Don't look back - only forward. You deserve so much better than him."

did you say you get on fabulous with a abusive ex?

I feel very strongly you need to do the WA Freedom programme as your bar is set so so low. I'm also stunned by what an easy ride you're getting here - lying git or not, falling in love with him or not, you did then know he had a girlfriend and carried on seeing him. Clearly she is his in terms of main betrayal but WTAF did you stay with for once you knew? It's pretty shitty of you to have carried on seeing him.

Ffs get a grip OK n leave OP alone..if you don't like what your reading go on some other site but I'm fed up of the sad unrealistic idiots that constantly go on about the ow..ffs I've been the OW AND been cheated on numerous times OK and that's just flipping life and life lessons so shut the hell up and go post somewhere else about bull crap morals.

So absolutely pathetic this up ur arse's and high horse rubbish..every flipping thread with real life issues as some flipping saviour of the world with their high morals that in real life no one gives a shit about.
And I really could not care less about who writes about morals stick it up where the sun don't shine cause in reality most of us been where OP has Ok

Why did your WhatsApp convos disappear when you block them? I’ve blocked a few people but all their convos are still there should i ever need them

Mone gets blocked too for some reason but I have a Samsung so I back it up and can download them onto new devices..
Have u tried that op. .but I think it's when u get blocked from other person and then you delete them off your list that you can't retrieve them..not sure tbf x

Btw no shammy most of us haven’t

Mine lol..silly phone n my big fat fingers

That’s no the case - someone blocking you doesn’t stop you accessing your messages and vice verse. It’s nothing to do with blocking. OP must have deleted the convo herself.

I know most haven't but no one cones o here to be judged about their rl experiences and near enough any post regarding affairs ends up hating on OP..
No affairs ain't right but shut happens in life and lessons will be learned but sitting on a computer thinking I'm better than so n so because of this n that but never having actually been in heir shoes and knowing how or why it happened and how vulnerable people can be because of past experiences don't help the situation by slagging them off or guilt tripping

Not really good with what's app tbh..
I deleted Facebook many times over the years and this year deleted it and it won't allow me back on cause I apparently pressed the wrong button..wound me up as my dog passed away and I can't access pics now...I've got a few but most I posted straight away same with my dcs prom pics

I’m hoping he doesn’t try to start rumours at work. Best to be upfront with HR before he might try causing trouble.

And you did the Girlfriend a favour. She now knows what her boy friend was up to.

I'm glad you showed his gf screenshots - it drives me nuts when people say it shouldn't have been done, or not to do it. You absolutely bloody do it. How long would she have been in the dark otherwise? I'd want to know, then i could rain down appropriate rage and consequences.

I think both you and the gf are victims here, both at the hands of what sounds like a very horrible man. However as soon as you found out he had a gf and wouldn't leave her, you should have left him. Not particularly for his gf's sake although that does come into it, but more importantly for your own sake and self respect.

What you now need to do is concentrate on is why you couldn't leave him, why you put up with his crap and controllingness and why you went from an abusive relationship into another toxic one. Please put the past behind you, forget him and the gf personally I think you did her a favour and what she now does with that information is up to her and concentrate on your future and how you can recognise future red flags and have the confidence and ability to get our at the first sign of them disrespecting you. The Freedom programme sounds a good first step. Also reading self help books. Perhaps someone could link. I think there had been mention of a Lundy Bancroft? book which maybe useful to you, if someone could verify?

OP. Yes, you did wrong, but you seem genuinely remorsefull. I suggest you don't date for a while and seek some therapy and work on your self-esteem.

Whatsapp usually keeps local backup on your phone. You have to go through a file explorer to the Whatsapp folder and then find a folder called 'backup'. It should be all in there. Alternatively, you can also temperarily unblock him to make a copy of the conversation and then quickly block him again.

Hope, things get better for your for here on out.