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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So I'm the ow and I told his girlfriend d

83 replies

ilikebroccoli · 03/11/2018 23:22

I am totally prepared to be flamed.

Met him 2 years ago whilst in an abusive relationship with my DC dad .

The father of my DC gaslighted , cheated and abused the shit out of me. So much I trust no one. We were together 8 years. Things were pretty shit towards the end.

I met other man through work. He chased me and I said no I had a partner etc. Eventually gave him my number. Suppose I fell for the attention of what I thought was a real life lovely man.

I Left my ex not specifically to be with him, but just has my eyes opened there was nice men around. My ex was raging I'd finally had the balls and left. My ex then threatened me he would post nudes of me on fb etc. A few weeks later I got a call from my ex saying his new gf was pregnant and told me her due date( which obviously meant he had cheated on me/-- but as he said the doctors always get the dates wrong 🙄🙄🙄) Low and behold he'd actually been cheating on me.

Other man was my rock. Then found out he wasn't single but sure it was too late I'd fallen for him. I should have called it off. I've no self respect at all.

This was 2 years ago and has been going on ever since

He said he couldnt leave his gf as he was afraid of loosing his child. And I believed him. And put up with accepting little crumbs.

He then started getting jealous that I was single and may possibly date people. For example last week I didn't reply to his txt for 3 hrs on WhatsApp. When I finally replied he then ignored me. Turns out he thought I was on a date. And got jealous. He then messaged me through the week saying he knows our affair will be over when I meet someone and he feels like a stop gap. I told him he could be with me if he wanted but he is choosing not to be.

went out with work friends last night. And he started messaging saying how he hoped I got some sex and just being nasty as fuck. I was drunk by this point and screen shot a load of whatapps and sent them to his girlfriend. My frame of mind was saying how the fuck dare he be jealous of me when he is the one with a girlfriend??????

I'm so ashamed. Why did I not just block and delete him?! He text me and said she has left him and not to contact him again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:07

Nothing Gemini. I blocked him back on WhatsApp and the conversation disappeared.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:08

I'ok give hr a call on Monday just to log it at least

OP posts:
ABeanCalledHopeInAMadTin · 04/11/2018 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Holdingonbarely · 04/11/2018 00:10

Yes I would log it. If you’re in a big company and you don’t think it will be detrimental to your career

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:11

I told my best friend about him cracking up last week thinking I'd been out.
I promised not to let him suck me back in. And I failed. I'm so glad he's blocked me and there's no going back. Where the hell did my strength go? I've lost half my hair through stress and look disgusting. Im not myself at all.

OP posts:
ferando81 · 04/11/2018 00:13

He doesn't know you deleted it.

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:13

Abean the situation was probably a crutch through an awful breakup with my ex. I dunno how I even got through that. Other man was a distraction.

OP posts:
Vegetablegarden · 04/11/2018 00:13

You don’t seem to have any empathy for his poor girlfriend. She’s been betrayed, lied to, and sent a load of screen shots as revenge with no apology or remorse from you.

Grow up and be nicer to other women!

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:15

No I do have empathy for her. That's why I feel so shit that I didn't just block and delete him. Rather than do what I did.

OP posts:
Purplepinkpurple · 04/11/2018 00:18

I'm sure whats app backs up.conversations. or try unblocking, screen shot convo the block him again x

Vegetablegarden · 04/11/2018 00:18

You did betray her for 2 years and only told her as revenge though. I’d tell her you are really sorry.

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:19

I don't betray her he did.
I won't message her again. Me saying sorry won't change anything for her. And would actually seem a bit goady.

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 04/11/2018 00:20

Yeah I was thinking that, not one mention of the girlfriend. And why do people shit where they eat?

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:20

Purple It's completely gone. My iCloud is full etc 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:22

What do you want me to say about her sausage? I feel awful that I messaged the screen shots and should have walked away

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 04/11/2018 00:23

You had an affair for 2 years with someone that had a girlfriend. I feel sorry for her. Obviously it takes 2 but you're obviously an adult not a teenager afre you not?

KumquatQuince · 04/11/2018 00:23

Shut up vegetable, OP didn’t betray the girlfriend, the lowlife that was sleeping with both of them did. OP didn’t even know he had a GF until she’d fallen for him. She did said GF a favour by telling her, even if it was a bit clumsy.

OP you sound like a nice person who’s been treated badly. Please try to rise above what’s happened to you, move on and find a bloke who will value you and deserve you. Put this all behind you and look to the future.

Orange6904 · 04/11/2018 00:25

@Kumquat she said it went on for 2 years and she knew he had a girlfriend. You think that's okay?

wtf2015 · 04/11/2018 00:27

Wouldn't you all want to know if your boyfriend was cheating on you? As awful as it is, the option of being ignorant of his cheating ways and living a lie is worse.

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:27

Sausage it's not ok. I never said it was. I'm ashamed of what I did. And also about the way I told her. I don't think I ever should have told her tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:29

The reason I think I shouldn't have told her is because he will worm his way out being the master charmer that he is and I've caused hurt for no reason.

OP posts:
Holdingonbarely · 04/11/2018 00:30

It’s done now. No it wasn’t very nice. But that’s the whole deal, you’re complicit.
We all have to take responsibility for our own actions.
But your best bet is to go NC and remain NC
you threw a hand Grenade into someone else’s life. You’ll have to deal with the guilt, but all of you need to move on with your lives

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:34

Holdingonbarely I am NC, but is angering me how much I just believed him. For him to not give 2 shits and blame it all on me. He pushed me too far this week.

OP posts:
oddbods · 04/11/2018 00:37

Op I have literally come out of this same situation. I also found out he had a gf after completely falling for him, was a complete charmer too, I told his gf because I didn't quite believe he was even with her and he didn't care, I sent her messages of him saying he was in love with me etc. she stayed with him after finding out we were still seeing eachother many of times.

It got to a point where I thought fuck this I deserve more, he would say I'm his and get controlling about where I am/who I'm with what I'm doing.

I had to block him of everything for my mental health. He still rings me on no caller id every day asking to see me an that he loves me, at the end of the day though he's with her and she's willing to put up with his shit so! For your own sanity as hard as it is you need to let him go

Original poster
ilikebroccoli · 04/11/2018 00:42

I will odd

Omg that must put your head away! Why do they do this??? Like what is the actual point? If they really wanted you they would leave right?

I feel so heartbroken.just like I'm not good enough for anyone. Just good for an easy wee shag. He won't say sorry or acknowledge what he has done. I just want to be happy. My dc coming home fro dads tomorrow and I just have to be ok. But here I am I washed wearing the same clothes as Friday morning and haven't eaten.
Need a good boot up the hole,

OP posts:
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