DH wants sex far more than I do and it's starting to affect our marriage

[Paintingtheroseswhite]

Sorry if this is long and I'm sure it has been done a thousand times before on here but my head is all over the place and no-one to talk to IRL. Apologies if this is me chucking words at the page but I need to get it all out.

He only thing DH and I ever really throw about is sex. He said last night that he doesn't want to live in a sexless marriage. The thing is our marriage is not sexless and I very rarely turn him down if he wants to have sex but he says that I never want to have sex and when we do it is just a dull 'vanilla' experience. We probably have sex about once a week in non period weeks.

The thing is I admit I don't think about sex as much as he does (do any women as much as men?). My head is usually full of work, DC, running the house, balancing everything else and sex is not the first thing I think of.

Secondly, the only times we could DTD are after DC in bed, DH does a hobby 3 nights a week till about 10.30pm (which I don't mind) and much of the rest of the time I'm knackered. We also have lie ins on a weekend but he sleeps like a hibernating grizzly till mid morning then wakes up and expects me to be ready to have sex then, I've usually been awake 2 or 3 hours but if I get up and get dressed I get some sort of comment along the lines of "uh so no sex again then" (sulk face).

If we do have sex, if it is not porn standard (my phrase not his) then he's not satisfied.

As for me, I don't really get a huge amount out of sex, I can have a clitoral orgasm but I've never had a vaginal one and I have no idea how I would achieve one. He likes anal (not all the time but frequently) which I dont mind occasionally but it hurts (no matter how much lube), is messy and doesn't do much for me.

I also suffer from quite heavy periods so one week a month I'm out of action.

If we try to discuss this it just turns into a row and his line is that it's my fault and it is quite simple "just be horny!"

This is starting to become a real problem as we seem to go around the same track of row - I make effort (provide porn sex) - then slips back to normal - row etc

This is starting to become a real problem and I feel I'm being blamed (fairly or unfairly).

I would consider counselling, not sure whether he would but I wouldn't know where to start and we don't have a lot of spare money to pay for it

Thank you for sticking with this, and advice would be much appreciated

I think he sounds selfish and is watching too much porn. I think sex once a week is not bad at all with busy lives. But perhaps you can tell him that what really gets you going is a man doing housework... . As for his hobby 3 nights a week? What are u doing then? House/childcare no doubt. And dont do anal when it hurts. You are not a sex toy. He doesnt sound very loving

He's treating you like a blow up doll not like a real person. I wouldn't want sex with him ever

He sounds like my abusive ex. He actually got off on hurting me. It was rape a lot of the time. I wouldn’t want sex at all if my dh treated me the way yours is.

Tell him you're his wife, not a porn star.

Stop having anal sex, or doing anything else in bed that you don't actually like.

Does he give you affection in other ways? Like cuddles etc, or does it always have to end in sex for him?

Don't let him bully you OP. I would never agree to anal sex, he shouldn't want to as it hurts you.

Once a week is very generous of you, he should put more effort into making it good for you, give you the lie ins he happily takes etc. He sounds very unloving.

Once a week would constitute a crazy sex bonanza in my house, OP. I know from previous long term relationships that I tend to lose interest when I've been with someone a while, however good the sex is. I think that's not uncommon, especially with the grind of domestic chores and childcare and what not. To be honest, I would agree with previous posters that your dh doesn't sound like a considerate partner and lover, and I wouldn't be inclined to make the effort to get in the mood for him.

He's not a Neanderthal or anything like that and the rest of our marriage is good.

Hard to believe that this level of self entitlement is restricted to just sex. You partake in a sexual activity that doesn’t do anything for you and causes you pain but no, he’s not a Neanderthal or anything. There’s a really unbalanced dynamic in your ‘good’ marriage.

I knew OP would reply to Guava's post (p 1).

The body isn't made for anal. I've never had it and wouldn't allow it. It's dangerous and unhygienic. Do it to him with a rolling pin and see how he likes it. He just treats you like a lump of flesh, there for his convenience.

He sounds like a dick. My Husband is very sex orientated and so was I but after having a baby I'm always too tired (1+years now ) he gets a little sulky about it and he used to try it on when we would go to sleep (so when I was most tired) but he would never make me feel guilty or push it!
Do you guys do other intimate stuff apart from full sex? Have you discussed the weight of how this makes you feel etc. With him? Does he make an effort for you (foreplay, makes you cum not just in out done for him ) x