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Original poster

He cancelled & rescheduled date when *I* reached out, thoughts?

75 replies

RubyN · 01/11/2018 13:32

I've been seeing a guy who has been very consistent for a month. He contacts me lots and tells me he likes me a lot...we had a date scheduled for today (which I made a reservation for, as its a special venue you have to book in advance) but I haven't heard from him for a couple of days. I knew he was feeling ill, but still think he could shoot a text or quick call.

So I contact him 5 hours before the date and says he is really sorry but do I mind if we reschedule for tomorrow at the same time because he is still feeling unwell? I say yes...but somehow it doesn't sit right with me that I had to reach out first and I feel a bit annoyed. Is it justified?

OP posts:
Cuttingthegrass · 01/11/2018 13:36

Are you sure he’s single?

Wouldn’t sit quite right with me but perhaps give him the benefit of the doubt this time ?

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 13:40

As sure as I can be. Last time we were together I thought the conversation made things pretty clear that we were just seeing each other...he said he may need to take a job abroad for 6 months but said if things continue to go well he'd be up for trying LDR if I was keen.

^ the only reason I mention this is because he told me he liked me a lot but the last min cancellation has my spidery senses tingling a bit.

OP posts:
northernlights0710 · 01/11/2018 13:41

Cuttingthegrass makes a very good point. Give him the benefit of the doubt this time but I would see it as a possible red flag.

userxx · 01/11/2018 13:41

It wouldn't sit right with me either, you went to the trouble of booking somewhere, it should have been him contacting you. Bad manners.

Branleuse · 01/11/2018 13:42

I think he forgot. Id cancel, but not message him about it, and not message till he contacts you. If you havent heard in a couple of days, forget him

northernlights0710 · 01/11/2018 13:43

he told me he liked me a lot

Men can say a lot of things..... it's what they actually do that counts. You need to not focus so much on what men say. Think of a TV, where you turn the volume down - then see what happens!

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 13:47

I already messaged him about it and he replied within 15 mins asking if we could reschedule for tomorrow. His manners are usually impeccable but clearly not always...I will need to bring it up as I don't like feeling my time is being disrespected.

In the early stages of dating my ex he was 25 mins late to meet me and thought nothing of it. Well....he never did it again! This guy is always early and never late at least.

OP posts:
EmmaGeddon · 01/11/2018 13:54

He should have let you know he wasn't able to make the date, not wait for you to contact him. What if you hadn't? He would have stood you up and that is definitely a dealbreaker.

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 14:05

I dunno if he would have or not. Clearly I need to speak to him about it.

We have a date and time to meet set for tomorrow night. I asked him to please let me know if he changes his mind because I want to be able to make alternative plans.

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 01/11/2018 17:53

He probably didn't want to cancel and was hoping he'd be feeling better by a later point, but when you asked he realised it would be for the best to wait a day when he could properly enjoy the date, sensible imo. I doubt he wasn't thinking of you - he'd probably have turned up to meet you feeling like death warmed over if you hadn't called. Wouldn't see it as a red flag at all, maybe I'm naive though!

Might be a tiny bit red flaggish if he hadn't bothered rescheduling, but he did.

Renarde1975 · 01/11/2018 18:01

I think OP listen to your gut on this but give the benefit of the doubt. It could be as velour says, a geuine illness.

It could be other things to but he does appear to be nothing if not consistent.

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 18:58

You could be right and I am giving him the benefit of the doubt this time.

But I am also a bit worried he's backing away as last time we were together I felt things were getting more serious. We opened up a lot (he asked me if I'd mind telling him why I'd had such an awful time with my ex earlier in the year, basically he cheated and I told him the story, which he thanked me for and said he was so sorry it happened). We also got intimate for the first time, though not completely. I definitely felt there was a 'shift' in where things were going and I wonder if it spooked him.

OP posts:
Lionsandtiger · 01/11/2018 19:07

His late reschedule only prompted by you would bother me too, it's a bit rude and disrespectful. I'd be looking at his general behaviour, if it's a one off then maybe let it go. What makes him think he will be well enough tomorrow though? That's a bit odd.

TulipsInBloom1 · 01/11/2018 19:10

So he is cooling off since being intimate. Wow that never happens.

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 19:10

I find it odd as well. Maybe he's just being hopeful or he's not that sick after all...

OP posts:
TidyLike · 01/11/2018 19:11

He could have been prevaricating, trying to decide whether to cancel or hold out and see how he felt ... so benefit of the doubt this time maybe? After the date, I would suggest backing off completely - if you continue to see each other, let him be the one to take the lead and arrange things. That way you can tell if he really is keen.

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 19:11

He was upset about his performance, shall we say. He was clearly nervous.

OP posts:
JaiNotJay · 01/11/2018 19:11

I would be a bit sceptical about the job abroad too... Obviously depends on his line of work, this could be perfectly normal but it's convenient timing and conveniently not confirmed...

user1981287 · 01/11/2018 19:15

Might have to take a job abroad for six months - aka I think Ive been rumbled by my girlfriend...

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 19:17

I think he's telling the truth. He mentioned it the first time we ever met and the opportunity matches with what I know about the company.

OP posts:
JenBarber · 01/11/2018 19:17

I think he's ill and it slipped his mind.

Honeyroar · 01/11/2018 19:18

I think he was a bit rude leaving it until you checked if he was still coming to cancel. Did he know you'd booked somewhere. I'd give it the benefit of the doubt this time.

Don't focus too much on the fact that you'd opened up about your past and got more physical- otherwise you could get paranoid and start seeing problems that aren't there.

See what happens. He should be a bit apologetic and wanting to make it up to you (in my book!).

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 19:19

We also share a friend group.

OP posts:
Renarde1975 · 01/11/2018 19:52

Sorry OP. Have been having more thoughts, read your responses and your OP again. I'm having real doubts as to the integrity of this man. If what I'm thinking is correct then the not calling you as described was actually a test. It was a test to see if you are taking the bait.

Are you invested OP? If it ended tomorrow, how would you feel?

Original poster
RubyN · 01/11/2018 19:59

I am invested and I would feel sad if it ended tomorrow. I will be quite confused about what has suddenly changed also.

The funny thing is that he said he thought I was a woman with real integrity when discussing what we like about each other and I said that likewise that trait is important to me because my last ex did not have it. Smile

OP posts:
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