I’ll try and keep this short.
Am middle of divorcing STBXH. We still co own the house. We have ‘custody’ arrangements in place following his insistence. He’s barely there. Just comes back to do his alternate weekends and one midweek night.
DC are 6 & 8
For years he has had anger issues that he takes out on the kids. He has never malicious hit them. He shouts at them, screams at them, grabs them tight and gets right in their faces with vile angry expressions. He argues with them like they are his peers. He talks to them like they are adults. But he demands they respect him and “you will listen to your father”. They don’t. He has marked them in the past. Either with play fighting that he has mishandled or grabbing them, lifting them up etc.
These episodes flair up every now and then and he promises to change etc.
The children have begged me to not leave them with him. Have expressed concern about being with him without me. They have once before said they wished he was dead or locked in a room forever.
When they are not with him they never ask to call him. Or even decline to call them when it’s offered. They don’t miss him, or look forward to seeing him.
This behaviour of his isn’t all the time. The children are generally happy enough in his company. They get to do lots of things and see his family lots.
No one else knows this side of him. I’ve told some close friends and I get the impression they think I’m over reacting. His family all think he is wonderful and I am hysterical.
He also does things like tells the children it’s not fair on him that he sees them less. Uses language in front of them like “it’s my weekend” or “I’ve got you tonight”. I can’t discuss his parenting with him without him shouting and screaming and swearing at me.
Last night he put the children to bed while I was out of the house (I have to leave the house while he is there to look after the children). He called me to tell me he felt bad for upsetting the children and making them cry. Apparently it’s because the ‘state’ of the house stresses him out. He said I was teaching them to be “dirty scuzzy whores”. DD left a note for me saying “you have no idea how he tortures us”. DS this morning said STBXH had got angry and “wrestled” him. DS said it hurt. He also stopped them from calling me.
Our house is in the process of being sold but is yet to exchange. I don’t have a job and only have a few thousand pounds. I’m paying 1/2 the household costs and can’t afford to move out until at least contracts and been exchanged.
Leaving the DCs with him feels like feeding them to the lions. What I really want to do is pick them up and move them far enough away so that his contact, and hopefully toxic influence, is signifcantly lessened.
I’ve asked to speak with my solicitor but I don’t think that will be today.
What do I do? Ride it up and up sticks when the house sells? Call SS???
(Sorry not at all short)