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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Physical and emotional abuse destroying me

81 replies

28forever · 29/10/2018 20:17

Really need to vent/ chat my dp is a horrible human being but I just can't seem to just end it for good.
Last weekend admittedly I had to much to drink.and over reacted when some knob in pub made a stupid comment and my partner didn't stick.up for me.but we got home and he got my hair and smashed my head into.steering wheel, dragged me from car by my hair then dragged me around kicked and stamped on me .
His gut reaction is to pull my hair and hit me at every argument. He then completely blames me the next day ! I'm apparently insecure !!
He then ends our relationship because he's sick of my shit ??? Wtf!!!
He never once said sorry.
He is just an absolute bastard and i hate his guts.
Today he was shouting my name and telling me he was going to drive me to my work to tell them he doesnt want me anymore ! He speaks to me like shit , he has spent all day telling me " fuck off dickhead "
If i ring its wtf do you want?
I'm.not perfect but he blames all his issues on me.
He has just told me to " GO get help for who you are"
I'm.just so low. Why can't I just walk away.

OP posts:

mamamedic · 29/10/2018 20:58

The more of a bastard he is the more needy I seem to get.

You have clear insight into the issue you face. And yet you can't act. He's worn you down so far that you believe you're worthless without him.

But you're NOT worthless.

How DARE he treat you like this. I'm fucking furious on your behalf.

mamamedic · 29/10/2018 21:00

Donkey is right

He will eventually kill you xxx

Applebloom · 29/10/2018 21:04

You deserve better than this OP
Time to put you first, this man is destroying the very fibres of you
You need to protect you ,mind you , free yourself from further abuse
He has committed crimes against you
You can do this OP you can get away
Start believing in you

Original poster

28forever · 29/10/2018 21:05

Yes I'm sure my friends know. I only see work friends now as I've lost all contact with my old friends. People I've been best friends with since been a child. Not seen them for 2 and a half years. He made things that difficult it was easier not to go out. I don't get asked hardly anywhere anymore because they all know he might turn up and kick off. He turned up 2 years ago at a posh hotel and screamed and shouted and told my boss of 30 years he was a fucking prick etc just because he decided on the day he didn't want me to go . I stood my ground and he caused hell.
I had told him to come meet me after meal ( about 10ish) but not good enough. And guess what .... tbst was all my fault / my shit Too!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

28forever · 29/10/2018 21:07

* boss of 20 years. 🙄

OP posts:

Parker231 · 29/10/2018 21:09

Definitely block his number ASAP.

Ginger153 · 29/10/2018 21:12

There are a world of women here who will help you through. Please dig deep and get your safety and your life back. No one deserves this violence. Be safe and keep talking here. You can do this xx

Original poster

28forever · 29/10/2018 21:15

He is blocked. I really hope I can keep my resolve and get rid for good.
He is pure evil.
I ACTUALLY THINK he thinks it's 99 percent me. He's that arrogant he wouldn't ring me anyway.

OP posts:

dirtyandscusting · 29/10/2018 21:17

I feel like you need to reach absolute rock bottom before you'll manage to leave him for good. I worry that you'll be hospitalised before you reach that point though. I'd recommend looking at the freedom programme from women's aid

mantlepiece · 29/10/2018 21:19

You need to do the freedom programme. Look it up online.

It will teach you why you allow this. There are men like this out there, but most women see the signs and wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole. Why did you? You need help to understand this. Once you do you will be able to walk away.

Women’s Aid will also help you. The people who work there have been through the same thing and will understand you and help you.

My other observation is that you both could have problems with alcohol? Again there is help for you, you just have to be up for asking for it.

Good luck.

Witchofzog · 29/10/2018 21:23

Please stay strong and don't let him back in again. He will probably kick off at some point though so is there anyone who you could go and stay with for a bit?

Also tell people. Tell lots of people. The more people who know the less of a hold he will have over you. Right now it's like a dirty secret. You need to let people in and have people support you

NameWithChange · 29/10/2018 21:24

Well done for blocking him. Now fill your diary with as many things to get you out is the house and keep your mind busy as possible.

Call/contact some of those old friends or arrange a weekend away. Change of scene.

It will be hard to break the habit but that is all he is, a bad habit. One day at a time. You can do it.

Original poster

28forever · 29/10/2018 21:30

I had 3 glasses of wine ( small glasses ) and it was a Saturday night. He was sober. 1 pint .
I have no problem at all with alcohol.
As for why I allowed it , i was prob vulnerable. My ex and i split up ( my decidion) no violance ever, just grew apart.
Then my dad died v v suddenly quite young.

He has played me like a fiddle.
He once said " did your dad abuse you or something " to get a reaction .
He is one mixed up vile creature .

OP posts:

Beechview · 29/10/2018 21:31

Tell everyone you’re not with him anymore.
If he has keys, change the locks tomorrow.
Do you think you could contact any of your old friends?

Janus · 29/10/2018 21:36

Please change the locks so he can’t turn up too.
When you feel strong enough I’d go to the police and report him so that they will come ASAP if he does turn up.
He’s a vile man that you need to absolutely not see any more. Being happy on your own is much better than this.

Moonflower12 · 29/10/2018 21:55

Please change the locks and keep to your resolve to block him. @DonkeyPunch88 is right. He will kill you one day or have a bloody good attempt. I've been there- I know. It's very hard not to go back but please don't.
We will all support you and be here for you.

PersonaNonGarter · 29/10/2018 21:58

Please talk to you friends and family. Try to meet up with people he isolated you from.

And spend some money on changing the locks. Block all interaction with him. And if you think he will come to your work if he hasn’t heard from you, take some annual leave at the end of this week.

Ginger153 · 29/10/2018 22:13

Honestly, changing my front door lock last week was the best £79 I've spent in a long time! If you rent call your landlord. It will put you back in control of your own world and you will sleep better for it.

You're doing the right thing. You didn't deserve any of this. Keep going x

Original poster

28forever · 29/10/2018 22:24

He doesn't have a key. I needed it a few weeks ago so he gave me it back. He is so arrogant. He has now deleted his wotsapp account ! All to unsettle me I'm sure. So I think he has someone else and go begging him to have me back ! Arsehole

OP posts:

PersonaNonGarter · 29/10/2018 22:34

Yay! You need to start hating him!

So pleased to hear he doesn’t have a key.

eggncress · 29/10/2018 22:35

Now you’ve blocked him the next thing you need to do is phone the police and report him for assault.

He needs to be stopped before he does the same to someone else.

spacefighter · 29/10/2018 22:38

I'm struggling to fathom why it's so hard for you to realise what a bastard is he?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/10/2018 22:44

Please, please, please OP tomorrow call one of your old friends you haven't seen for years and explain what's happened. You need support in real life as well as here.

Original poster

28forever · 30/10/2018 00:29

I chose him over them. I am a despicable human being .they won't want know

OP posts:

Original poster

28forever · 30/10/2018 00:31

WHY would I choose a vile moron I had known weeks over people I had known years. And who always had my back.
I am vile

OP posts:

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