Situation with a married man

[Pandagreenabbey]

I have been with my dp 10 years. One dc. Happy but not as attracted as I once was.

Find a married man at work attractive. Was fine just a bit of eye candy until I noticed strongly he was staring. Checking me out, blushing when I was around, he was nervous around me. This sort of thing went on for a month or two.
I started thinking about him a lot and felt guilty and ashamed. Tried to put distance between us and one day it got too much and I told him how I developed a crush on him, that I'm not going to act on it.
I deeply regret telling him this. He was very embarrassed and said he's married.
I told dp about it All, didn't want guilt on my shoulders. Regret that too.

Anyway I avoided this man. Back turned to him. No eye contact. Nothing.
He keeps talking to me when I'm not looking at him. Drumming up conversation. I get a feeling someone is looking at me, I turn around and he's checking me out. He tries to make eye contact.
I don't know if he likes the attention of if he's trying to initiate things between us. I'm so confused.
I want to ask him if the feeling is mutual because he's never admitted anything and then have a conversation about keeping away from me. I've tried being distant. He just chases. He doesn't flirt he isn't inappropriate.
I don't want to have an awkward conversation but his actions are confusing me and making it hard for me to get over him.
Most importantly I don't want to hurt anybody in all this. I really don't!!
Should I just have this conversation with him? Should I ask him to keep away? Or will that inflate his ego even more?

languid this:
@Shriekingbanshee nooo don't eat me!!

I have posted once before, when I told him. Other than that no. And I haven't even known him six months let alone posted about it for six months. I have found a few similar posts to mine, so I'm not the only one.

Anyway, no I'm not a stalker. I realised my mistakes and I kept away. He is chasing me because I'm avoiding him. I was more uncomfortable after me telling him than he was. I thought at first he was trying to make things less awkward but it appears now, that he is trying to grab my attention when ever i'm near. He wants conversation and he enjoys being close to me.
I want him to back off purely because I know the destruction it could lead to if we indulged in our feelings.
I know on some level he feels the same. I'm not delusional, he's made it obvious by his physical actions. It could be an ego thing or just attraction but I am a sensitive person and don't like to play games.
I don't like the drama. Infact I hate all this and want it to stop, hence me wanting to tell him to leave me be....but I know how that would make me look.
So many people on here have me all wrong.
I don't want an affair.

Panda then just ignore him. Be pleasant and professional, but that's it.

If you genuinely think he is trying to grab your attention just ignore it, he will soon stop. FFS woman it's not bloody rocket science is it?!

I once fancied the pants of DH's work colleague. I mean seriously, I'd blush if he spoke to me, I remember once he walked in to DH's room (Army accomodation) and he was topless I literally had a hot flushes lol. I didn't act on it, didn't tell him anything and it faded eventually! Just do the same!!

I did however find out about 6 months ago that they all knew and that's why he walked in topless, the buggers were teasing me 😂 DH knew too and just thought it was funny because I'd blush. I also blush with DH every now and again, I can't control it I'm a blusher lol

You don't know how he feels on any level. You are delusional. Otherwise you would not be obsessing in this way.

Please get on with your work and stop looking at him looking at you.

You are delusional. He's not chasing you. Honestly, get help.

The op said she doesn't really work with him so how does she see him so much... There wouldn't be alot of opportunity to flirt right?

But yes like previous posters it's best to avoid him if you are not seeking an affair

But no means no, OP.

You need to start looking closer to home.

Some people look all over the place. Maybe you are just bored in life and projecting? Or some people just want the day to go quicker at work and it's nothing more than that.

He is the one to have been in her vicinity is what I am getting from her PPs. He doesn't work in her dept, so not sure what other PPs mean. She hadn't said she has made any attempt to go to him but he has come over to her, you can either read something into that or not? As she's told him of her crush, why does he approach her, in her dept? Where's OP, we need clarification?

@shreikingfbanshee yes he always approaches me. I never approach him since I told him. If my back is turned he will say my name to make me turn round. He doesn't need to speak to me.
Usually once he's got my attention he will become more confident and more chatty. Sometimes I leave because I feel like maybe he's trying to get close.

When I say he stares at me I mean I've caught his eyes on my body and I can feel him eyeing me up as I walk away. I've saw him stare from across the room too. I try to keep my head down now.
I think I'm just an ego boost for him. When I avoid him he chats more. I think he misses the attention.

Also when I walk into a room full of people. His eyes are fixated on me. I can't look at him because it makes me feel all nervous. Everyone else will be head down but he looks right at me. If our eyes meet he says hi. I know that sounds pretty normal in day to day situations but because he knows how I feel, i think he enjoys it. He knows I try to avoid him so he chases me to see if I'm still interested.

OP you can't solicit attention by drastic means (and telling him was) then complain when you think you've got it.

Just hold your head up and ignore him. When you speak to him tell him about your daughter and DP. Say 'oh the weather's really shit, isn't it?' in an abrupt manner.

Men do watch and look over your body, that's par for the course for most of them. Unfortunately you've given him a signal that you're available.

Anyway how are things with DP?

He doesn't have rights to ogle your body creep how to make someone uncomfortable.

Nodding at the 'family talk'..'how's your family?' when he takes the opportunity to say hello. Very good move, and the abrupt 'shit weather' thing.

It will help you get a grip of your own getting carried away. Tell him about your awesome dp too, lots! Plan something with him, dp that is! Time for couple time, definitely

I know for me why this has happened. Dp is amazing. The best person I've ever met. However I don't fancy him a great deal, I think he's handsome but I don't fancy him. I hate writing that down. I'm with him because I love him and he's perfect for me.
This crush on this man just reminded me that my senses aren't dead and I am capable of lust and feeling sexy. I thought that was all dead in the water.
It never bothered me before. Never even looked at anyone else until now.
I've booked a night away with dp. I've tried spicing things up but I tolerate sex. I don't feel lustful, desirable feelings when I have sex with dp. I absolutely hate myself for this, I've cried and cried and tried to change it.
I don't want to leave him. I love him. We have both worked hard for everything we have together. We never argue. We make each Other laugh.
He wants more kids. I don't. That is a major issue but hes willing to accept it.
I just don't know how to make things better.

Right I am guess that this is blown way out of proportion. He may be looking. But I don't think it's the way you think. I know that when I am trying to avoid looking at something, I end up looking.

He may be chatting to you in a hope things go back to normal. Or maybe people have picked up on the weird vibe and he is trying to prove you 2 are perfectly normal.

You are, in my opinion, projecting all this because sexual excitement is missing in your relationship. You may say you love him and will stay with him. However in the long run, I think you will have an affair at some point. You clearly miss the sexual chemistry. To the point that this crush has become a huge deal and you are seeing more than there is. You don't want to cheat (but guessing it would have gone there if he had been willing) but don't want this excitement to stop. Hence wanting to discuss it with him again.

It's not healthy op. Your relationship with Dp or what's happening with this man. You posted on the limerance thread. You said that what this is. That obsession level. Obsession often makes us see things, not quite how they are. Like stalkers.

I feel he is perhaps trying to ignore your illogical disclosure and is trying to act 'normally' around you. It is normal to speak in a friendly manner to a colleague. It would be normal to look at them (perplexingly) if they are obviously ignoring you. You unfortunately are projecting your attraction onto him.

That’s what I’m getting too OP. It sounds like he’s just being friendly after your awkward bombshell.

Oh just shag him then, jeez.

limerance thread?
Did you OP?
It's very your post. You love him, but don't feel sexually attracted. It's lovely that you've booked some time away, it might be worth having a heart to heart about your sexual feelings or lack of, and the book some relate type counselling, or sex therapy stuff.
It might just be a glitch but for you to have been crying over this don't you think it's time to ask a specialist about it? Talk things over? This current 'crush crisis' might be the catalyst you need to push you to action?

You posted about this a few months ago. Either it’s you again and you’re (still) nuts, or you are having a suspiciously similar experience to someone else on this forum.
I’m guessing it’s you again. The last tome I saw this thread, other people pointed out it was already a repeat post.
What are you doing with yourself???

In case you need reminding of what people said the first (second?) time round ..
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3360555-I-made-a-massive-mistake

Ffs honestly it’s still all in your head, he looks at you, wow, if I paid attention to all the men that look at me in work i’d Never keep up. Your frustrated because your relationship is dead in the water, so what you love him but you don’t in the proper way, the guy at work is you projecting your lack of passion and sex in your life, your issue is not this guy it’s your denial of being in a crap relationship.

Find a new job as soon as you can. If you really don't want anything to happen, remove yourself from contact with him.

I don’t get what this big dilemma is here. He’s married and didn’t even say he liked you back. You’re married and committed to staying so. I don’t understand why you would confess your feelings to your crush unless you wanted something to happen. If you really don’t want an affair then there is no dilemma here, just treat him like a normal colleague or treat this crush in the same way you would a crush on a celeb - as a bit of nonsensey fun that exists only in your head.

I feel bad for you and empathize. I swear it's creepy how similar this is to my own situation. The only and i mean only difference is you are not in an open relationship and i am. I also dont understand why people are calling you out for being open and honest with him and acknowledging your feelings to the crush and your husband. You sound emotionally mature to me. Im sorry people made you feel so badly. I am in this situation and cant just turn my feelings off, especially if my coworker is still pursuing it despite having told me the opposite.