Situation with a married man

[Pandagreenabbey]

I have been with my dp 10 years. One dc. Happy but not as attracted as I once was.

Find a married man at work attractive. Was fine just a bit of eye candy until I noticed strongly he was staring. Checking me out, blushing when I was around, he was nervous around me. This sort of thing went on for a month or two.
I started thinking about him a lot and felt guilty and ashamed. Tried to put distance between us and one day it got too much and I told him how I developed a crush on him, that I'm not going to act on it.
I deeply regret telling him this. He was very embarrassed and said he's married.
I told dp about it All, didn't want guilt on my shoulders. Regret that too.

Anyway I avoided this man. Back turned to him. No eye contact. Nothing.
He keeps talking to me when I'm not looking at him. Drumming up conversation. I get a feeling someone is looking at me, I turn around and he's checking me out. He tries to make eye contact.
I don't know if he likes the attention of if he's trying to initiate things between us. I'm so confused.
I want to ask him if the feeling is mutual because he's never admitted anything and then have a conversation about keeping away from me. I've tried being distant. He just chases. He doesn't flirt he isn't inappropriate.
I don't want to have an awkward conversation but his actions are confusing me and making it hard for me to get over him.
Most importantly I don't want to hurt anybody in all this. I really don't!!
Should I just have this conversation with him? Should I ask him to keep away? Or will that inflate his ego even more?

This exact thread has been started numerous times in the last 6 months with the same responses every time.

I thought I had read it before. I had to scroll back up to check the date on it.

You say you told your husband because you felt you had crossed a line by confessing your feelings. Maybe your colleague loves his wife and isn't willing to cross this line even if he fancies you. Also from his perspective it would come across that you were looking for an affair which he clearly isn't interested in.
Please do not humiliate yourself by saying anything else to him about this.

How many times do you need to post about this, before you will listen to the responses?

Seriously, you are making a big dirty mountain out of a mole hill.
Get a fricken hobby already

@sola82 No, don't think I can have that conversation with him without making a tit of myself.
I don't know what to do.
I suppose I will just have to keep avoiding him and trying to get out of conversation with him.....in hope that this thing passes.

I know people on here think I want an affair. I really don't. I know it would destroy everything we both have with our families. I know I couldn't date him or be happy with him or spend time with him like a normal relationship. I know that I would be in a lot of pain with heartache and the thought of doing that to my dp kills me.
I just don't know what to do with all these crazy feelings.

Stop indulging them.

I've read this before. Seriously OP, you are obsessing.

You need to step away from it.

I feel he is perhaps trying to ignore your illogical disclosure and is trying to act 'normally' around you. It is normal to speak in a friendly manner to a colleague. It would be normal to look at them (perplexingly) if they are obviously ignoring you. You unfortunately are projecting your attraction onto him.

I presume you spoke to him in a friendly manner before you told him about your crush. That was a normal thing to do at work and he is trying to remain friendly and not act embarrassed around you. Nothing you say suggests he's flirting, just that you are hyper aware and reading an attraction and double meaning into everything he does or says.

If my colleague pointedly ignored my polite overtures at friendly conversation I'd look at them oddly too!

You are still fixated on him, and I can only suggest job hunting immediately before you over step work boundaries again in your determination to get him to admit he likes you.

I just don't know what to do with all these crazy feelings.

You really do need to change your job before something happens and both of you end up hurting everyone around you. You’re not lovestruck teenagers.

Oh my god. I've read a few posts on this site now as my post was given a few fucked up replies and I wanted to observe if this was an occuring thing on Mumsnet.. and it is.
Alot of people rather call you out instead of answer the question or give any guidance to you whatsoever.
You have to think to yourself if not being as attractive to your husband anymore is going to make your marriage last...because to be fair that is a major issue and if you really want to pursue this man who clearly is enjoying this and throw your relationship away with your husband for this man then do so by ending it with your husband. There's nothing else can come out of it only that.

If MN had an emoji for drama llama, I would use it.

Why do you keep posting about this and expecting a different answer?

Why do you keep posting about this and expecting a different answer?

Is there a deja vu emoji?

I don't understand why you told him. People will notice at work you know.

Oh dear. I haven't seen your previous thread, but honestly you need to grow up.

What good can come of this really?

Think about what the best scenario is? Man shows you attention back; you have ego boost; then have to tell man to forget it. Or perhaps an affair begins and you hurt two innocent parties. BUT you have to then live with a cheat (as does he) and when the excitement wears off, all you are left with is a relationship with no trust.

Neither sounds worth it to me OP.

What I can tell you is that obviously something, perhaps excitement and romance is missing with YOUR ACTUAL partner. So perhaps invest your time and energy into that?

You have posted this before and you still sound like a nitwit.

Why the fuck are people so rude to other people on Mumsnet/threads? Is it because you can hide your face and upset people without them knowing you. I don't get it.

read this before more than once! give up

Can you not see OP in the nicest possible way you love the drama!? You need to look at what is lacking in your life because really, sincerely, it isn't normal to be so obsessed and dramatising something so ordinary as colleagues interacting with each other! You obviously want some office drama but then hold your hands up in shock if he looks at you the wrong way! Talk about not knowing oneself 😁 And as AF says get a fricking hobby!

Seems OP is struggling desperately?!?

Has strong feelings she's struggling to keep a grip on. Is worried about strength of them.

Isn't able to just switch off. Especially as he keeps talking to you. It seems to me you are making these chats obviously unwanted, but he's not stopping.

The last thing I would do though is to put it out there, especially to him! Now he knows, and just might be enjoying the feeling of flattery at it, he's dicing with danger and being stupid when he knows what he knows.
Tell him straight hes making you uncomfortable and to stop it. If you can't make that very clear I would wonder at your intentions to keep this going.

Right, this last post is awful! This poor bloody bloke maybe just trying to fucking get on with his job! At no point has OP said he is chasing her, coming on to her or indeed doing anything wrong! For fucks sake 🙄

Especially as he keeps talking to you! What the actual fuck! You are putting women in the workplace back a hundred years! OP is quite capable and has HR legislation to call upon if harassment was the case! It's obviously not, I am amazed if anybody sees this as a man harassing a woman. FFS.