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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the hell?

52 replies

Feckers2018 · 26/10/2018 23:11

Look I'm going to be absolutely honest. DH was a fully fledged sex addict for ten years. I found out by drip feed. Took me ages to get over and should have kicked him out. I in the mean time did use alcohol because it was all so fucked up. No excuse.
He took no responsibility at all. I pulled myself up and got a full time prof job.
Anyways..... if I have a glass of wine he over reacts totally. Friend came round and I had shared a bottle of nice red wine with her and him. Cue h calling me an alcoholic and I can't wait to finish the bottle. Hmmmm. Was absolutlely fine. He then, when friend has gone starts telling me that intimacy is about sex and I don't get it. When I begged to differ he said his girlfriends had no trouble with him and then walked out of the door to the gym. Was slamming doors in my face and saying I look horrible because I have red wine around my mouth. I did a bit but so what?
Of course I'm ending up isolated because my friends do expect normal fun eg chat and a glass of rose. Can i just say I only have a drink /glass of wine every month to get it into context.
Anyway hes obviously trying to take me down with him.
Feel like I'm losing my grip on whats what.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 26/10/2018 23:14

Why do you give a shit what he thinks?

Original poster
Feckers2018 · 26/10/2018 23:20

Thanks FORD I really don't know. You made me laugh. Why am I trying to justify myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Feckers2018 · 26/10/2018 23:22

He said I only have a glass of wine if theres a full moon. Howwwwl. Really?

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 26/10/2018 23:25

Why are you with this loser?
He's just openly admitted that he is still fucking about. Is that the life you really want? The man who is supposed to love and care for you, out fucking others?

Original poster
Feckers2018 · 26/10/2018 23:28

Gawd didn't realise this. Girlfriends in the past he means. Obs while still married at the time. Don't think he means now but means he still has a fuckd up mindset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feckers2018 · 26/10/2018 23:44

Anyone? support?

OP posts:
spacefighter · 26/10/2018 23:53

Yeah leave the arsehole and be happier.

PersonaNonGarter · 26/10/2018 23:55

You need some counselling. Not about the wine.

Original poster
Feckers2018 · 26/10/2018 23:56

ok thanks.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/10/2018 23:57

You need counselling to end it! Why on Earth are you still with him?

Singlenotsingle · 26/10/2018 23:57

Can't understand why you're still with him? Shock Do you know why?

Unicornandbows · 26/10/2018 23:58

You know what you need to do..

HollidayArmadillo · 27/10/2018 00:01

Ah Feckers you can do better than this

Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 00:01

Oh Feckers what a horrible fuxked up mess he is. I'm so sorry you're caught up in his horrible world.

What are your thoughts now?

Original poster
Feckers2018 · 27/10/2018 00:02

No not really. Tried to make it all right for kids. Anyway they are fine and doing own thing. Just get pulled in to this confusion and start believing I'm wrong. So messed up. He's gone to bed thinking hes right as usual.
Think its toxic addict shit where they get all blaming about any weakness in others. Madness projected at me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feckers2018 · 27/10/2018 00:03

Don't seem to know whats normal and whats not.

OP posts:
Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 00:04

Pp might never understand why a woman in your situation would still be there, but don't let that bother you, all it will serve to do is make you feel more shit, so ignore it and certainly don't consider trying to answer it, its irrelevant. Just think about you love, and how much better you deserve than his utter utter crap behaviour.

Original poster
Feckers2018 · 27/10/2018 00:04

Last night went out with a friend looking my best so he says it looks like you are meeting a boyfriend. Ha! Gawd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feckers2018 · 27/10/2018 00:06

You see I can't see how crap it is.

OP posts:
Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 00:08

This is the effect his crap has had on you.

It's totally less than insignificant whether he thinks he's right, you are best off assuming he is always going to think that and then you won't be disappointed!

All that matters is you. As he clearly hates you, because he's not particularly impressed with women generally, they're very useful for a posh wank I imagine is his thinking.
So don't take its personally, cos generally its actually not about you at all, but all about him!

HollidayArmadillo · 27/10/2018 00:09

He cheated on you, repeatedly, and now he's rubbing it in your face
Take the addiction bullshit out of it (I don't really believe in sex addiction) and think about that
You deserve better you deserve someone who wants only you
You deserve someone who loves you
This man only loves himself

LuluJakey1 · 27/10/2018 00:10

Don't live like this. It is controlling and depressing. If he isn't prepared to change, make the decision to live in a way that makes you happy.

Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 00:12

Please don't blame yourself for his crap. He's crap is all. When you live with crap daily you start to not notice it, that's not just you, that's everyone, have you heard the boiled frog analogy? If you jumped straight into boiling water you'd jump straight back out again, but when the temp goes up everso slowly...

Original poster
Feckers2018 · 27/10/2018 00:12

Yes I get what you're saying Shrieking. I would say the same thing to someone else. Yes I did take it personally for years but now I don't. Why did I? I have no idea.

OP posts:
KeiTeNgeNge · 27/10/2018 00:13

Leave this loser