Who do kids go to if you die??

[Beeperbird]

Cut a long story short, I’ve never really gotten on with my in-laws. They have very different values to us. They’re nice enough but I don’t want them influencing my kids!
We were talking about wills the other day and my MIL directly asked me the other day who the kids will go to if we die (very weird

Agh clicked post halfway through! Dammit

I thought it was a weird question - I said we hadn’t planned but probably my sister. She raised her eyebrows and left it like that... later that day she challenged DH on it and said she’d fight it if it happened!
What do I need to do to make sure it’s clear what we want? Does it go in a will?

Here -

www.britishgoatsociety.com/about-us/breeds/pygmy/

Ps I hope this scenario would never happen but I’d hate to think she would cause upset like that

?

We have included guardians for the DC in our wills. They will go to DH's brother and his wife.

@IAmNotLikeThem ?

We were advised not to choose guardians from our parents generation, as sadly they are more likely to pre-decease you.

You need to discuss this with your DH, and your DSis.
And get legal advice.

Ah cheers that’s a good point re parents generation... didn’t think of that. My sis would need support tho as she’s single and doesn’t have kids herself

I assume you can have friends as guardians? Would seem harsh tho maybe to the family

As a single mother i looked into this - if i died (or was in a coma etc), then my DD would automatically be placed in care even though she has a very close relationship with her GPS. I have subsequently made a will and arranged guardians for her. It cost £180 which is a tiny price to pay.

A cousin who (currently) has no children and who we absolutely love. A couple of friends have told us that they didn't want to be guardians for other people's children because they already had their own. Not how I would look at it myself but I didn't want to make anyone feel awkward and this cousin would be an amazing parent. My mum was a bit upset but she did understand that at her age it couldn't sensibly be her.

Our solicitor helped us thubj this through when we drew up our wills.

We've written 'letters of wishes' - there is provision for the dc financially in our wills over which my siblings are executors. Our stipulation is that my siblings have to agree on a plan for the dc between them (boarding school may be appropriate depending on age and stage) and we've requested they include my parents in the discussion but with thought to their ages my parents don't get to cast a vote as such. DHs family will not be involved at all but we've asked that my family would ensure visits and relationships are facilitated.

It's realy hard to begin to think of your dc being in that situation but it was good to talk about it with all parties and know plans have been made.

I have 3 guardians, can be friends or family, as long as you can trust they will have the childrens best interests at heart and can work together.

Would you tell immediate family who the guardians will be? Or leave it as it’s hopefully something that will never happen

my immediate family are the guardians - i spoke with them first about if they would want to do it and how it would work. tell anyone who would need to be aware of it, as in the event you have an accident and they want to take the children into care you need someone to flag up the fact there is a will which sorts care out as they won't check it before.

Either my mom or sister in law

I wrote a will when I split with my ex. I think from memory I put my brother (single) and sister (married 3 kids) down as the executors and either bro and sis or one of them (can’t remember?!) down as guardians. Whatever is the case they would have control of my estate and be able to eg move into my house or sell my house to enable them to buy another one to house my kids. I feel strongly that it’s important to have a will as otherwise as someone said further up your kids could end up in care if you died. I wouldn’t put your MIL as arguably more sensible to have someone younger.

I am guardian for my sisters kids, in the event her and my bil die.

The conditions I gave before I said yes were, that they get life insurance so I’ll financially cope, and that they let everybody including his side of the family know the plan, so I don’t have to cope with that alongside two grieving baby girls, in the event the worst should happen.

They're of age now but when they were younger it was my younger brother. And I was asked by a close friend about her daughter as she was a single mum with an awful relationship with her family

You should make a will, and stipulate in that who your children’s guardians should be.

They don’t have to live with their guardians (we’ve said my DBro because in ten years’ time our parents will probably be too frail to do it). But if we both died now, I would want DS to go to DM because she already sees him every week. And I would expect DBro to facilitate that, while remaining responsible for the financial side of things.

You should certainly talk to your proposed guardian (what if they don’t want to do it?). But we haven’t spellt it out to DH’s family (who we are much less close to, their choice).

I read the thread title and panicked... then realised I don't have any kids!

Name the guardians in your will and get life insurance so that there is enough money for your children to have the life you would want them to have.
I know the theory but sad to say we haven't actually done it yet. Must get on to that.

This is why you MAKE A WILL. It is totally irresponsible to have children and not have a proper will prepared.

When DD was born we automatically asked his sis, she lives 200 miles away but adores our little girl. My mum already has my sisters kids so that wouldn't be an option and my sis has her own business so again not an option