I'm going to flip over a pan in the sink.

[RedCoffins]

Background: been with DP over two years, no kids and we live together. I work full time in a rubbish paid job, whilst studying at night school towards a university equivalent qualification. I also have a 1 hour minimum drive each way to and from work. DP works part time 7-1pm and has Fridays off (own business) in an office a 30 second drive away.

Yet he does fuck all around the house. Actually, he washes the dishes in the evenings. There's only two of us so never a lot of pots and half the time I wash up as I cook.

I do EVERYTHING, the cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/finances/shopping - everything.

I'm tired. So tired. I've just come home to these pots and cried, whenever I try and bring it up he flips and says I'm being pathetic. I know it's a few pans but the flat is so untidy and he's been home all day playing Xbox. The cup has been there since last night, he can't even be arsed to move it into the sink.

Is this even a valid reason to leave this relationship, which is otherwise perfect? 

OP you sound so tired.
I would make a list of things to do and a plan of who should do them and when.
Then I would give him the list, and without arguing, I would say that you can't cope with things as they are and this is your last attempt at making it work. I can tolerate a certain level of messy but with him being at home and going to the gym it's nasty to expect you to tidy up after work.
Hope he gets the wake up call.

We rent currently, the tenancy is in both our names and we have a joint account for bills/savings.

For background, he's 32 and has lived away from home with his DD's mother. We have his DD after school and on weekends.

I think it's because his mother did everything for him. A few weeks ago he left a mess in the toilet, I called him back to the bathroom and handed him the toilet brush, he was on the phone to his mum and the time and she said "oh he does it when he visits here too!"

Don't get wrong, he has some amazing points and I do love him beside this. I'm just fed up.

@RedCoffins

He's a father?! How old is his dd? When she is there, who does the majority of the childcare etc?
Are you ok with being a bonus mum and does he ever expect you to do more with his dd than he should

So you’ve been really poorly and he still hasn’t pulled his finger out?
It won’t get better, you know it won’t and no amount of ‘having the talk’ will make any difference.

You’ll still be in the same place months, years down the line.

Question is, whether you’re going to settle and put up with it, or think you’re worth more than life is currently offering and do something positive about it

My ex did this too. He would by do the dishes but always leave the pan in the sink, any other bits on the side, not wipe the side down etc. No matter how I asked or did it myself, it never changed. It was soul destroying. It got worse especially after we had kids.

You need to put your foot down now and tell him to shape up or ship out.

Take a photo and send it to him with a message reminding him to clean it up.
My DH will do dishes but always leaves pots ‘to soak’ overnight. Then the pot never gets cleaned by him. Generally one of my DD’s or I will clean it.
His mum used to do everything for him as well, he is 54.

It’s majorly disrespectful OP. He’s treating you a skivvy.

Stop it all now! Stop cooking for him, eat before you get home. Stop doing his washing, do only your laundry, only clean up what you can’t stomach. He’ll soon realise when he’s nothing to eat and no clean pants.

My ex was the same. 6 months or so after he left, he damaged his car by scraping it on a post, he claimed on his insurance and it turned up he hadn’t MOT’d his car a few months earlier. He rang me up and had a go at me for not reminding him to MOT his car this just sums him up

Well I'm guessing his previous relationship broke down for similar reasons!

I strongly recommend if you decide to split (and I strongly recommend you do!) that you extricate all your stuff from the joint account before you tell him.

I'm shocked he's a father to be honest. Does he pay cm? Does he actually effectively parent when he sees his child?

You've all made really good points. I know I need to put my foot down.

With regards to his DD, he pays his ex £500 per month. I'm not exaggerating - that's the cold, hard truth and we have her half the week with us. It may seem hard to believe but he is a good father and does 80% of the childcare when she's with us. I usually tidy up after her/cook. I try to do an activity with her at least once a week though. My issue isn't surrounding her/him having a child though.

This is why it makes me sad though, other than the fact he's bone idle around the house, he's great in any other way.

Stop it all now! Stop cooking for him, eat before you get home. Stop doing his washing, do only your laundry, only clean up what you can’t stomach. He’ll soon realise when he’s nothing to eat and no clean pants.

Sadly this doesn't always work the way you'd hope. If its going to, it'll be quick. If you end up living in a student mess of old pots and drying shirts after a month then it's likely that you'll be stuck there forever.

If you have his dd half the time, then I believe that no maintenance I payable,although I may be wrong there.