Fiance just told me he is leaving on Sunday

[harrypotternerd]

background - Fiance and I have been together three years and engaged since NYE. Wedding is supposed to be in April.
Tonight, out of what seemed like nowhere, he told me he is leaving me and going to live at his mum's on Sunday (she lives several hours away). The past few weeks we have been talking about plans for christmas with my DC (not his) and plans for the new year as well as wedding plans. I have been thinking about it the past few hours and cannot think of what went wrong, nothing has been different that I have noticed. He admitted he has been thinking of this for the past several weeks but 'hadn't decided'. He said he would leave on Sunday and he is leaving me $300 (which has made me feel even worse) and then asked me what he should say to my son who adores him. I told him I didn't know.
I just feel so broken. It is almost 1am where I am and I spoke to a friend for a little while but she is an optimist and seems to think 'he will come around, he loves you too much etc etc'. I can't sleep and just feel broken. I really don't know what to do or why he has chosen this.

I would not be surprised to find another woman involved somewhere. He owes you an explanation.

He’s leaving. So don’t do him the favour of letting it be on his timetable. He wants to go so he goes today. He can work out what he wants to say to your kids. You’re under no obligation to make this easier for him.

I'd make him leave today. Pack his bags and tell him to go. Him giving you "notice" like this makes me wonder whether he's trying to get you to beg him to stay. He owes you an explanation at least. Sorry this is happening

I told him before he decided to go to bed that he needed to figure out what to say to DC. I don't know if another woman is involved or not, he and I have both been cheated on in the past and I have known him almost 18 years and never known him to be a cheat or even think of it. I just wish my family were here. My mum died when I was 17 and my dad died in 2014. The rest of my family live on the other side of the world.

You’re under no obligation to make this easier for him.

^ This.

On the plus side, at least you know what he's like now. 

Reeks of OW. Sorry 😔

• if he hasn’t the balls to discuss this with you and has lead you to believe ‘all is fine’ when apparently he has been simultaneously plotting to leave you...,and given that he is moving in with his mum (to weigh up his options some more?) leaving you to pick up the pieces with your dc....when you were meant to be getting married in a few months then I’d say you are well rid!

Listen to the song ‘Had a little time’ by The Beautiful South.....(on repeat and very loud).

Be glad to be rid of him op, honestly! x

Why wait? Tell him it's cruel to you and the bairn to drag it out while you give him a roll of bin bags.

Will check out that song now...been listening to various songs on youtube the past hour. Its 1am and he is asleep, will ask my friend if she can pick my DC up from school tomorrow because I have a doctors appointment (That's the other thing, recently been in hospital with tremors in my arm, had a MRI and see neurologist tomorrow for the results) and tell him in the morning to just leave. Any ideas on what to tell DC?

And yes, he can leave now. How dare he hang around after doing that to you and your dc!

You poor thing . Someone on Mumsnet will always be around to listen. Horrible though it is, I think you do need to talk to your dc about him leaving too. Honestly, all you can do is explain that sometimes grownups feel they don't love each other any more and don't want to live together any more, but reassure them this doesn't happen to mums and their children and you will always live together and never not love them any more. They are going to need your support. It sucks and is just one of those very difficult things about being a parent. I'm sorry you are so isolated. May I offer a small hug?

he told me he was surprised I didn't yell. I just went very quiet, listened to what he said and went outside for a cigarette and called a friend.

I would agree with the comment made earlier which stated "you are under no obligation to make this easier for him". I would make him leave first thing tomorrow morning. He can also work out what to say to your children.

I would tell dc that he is going to stay at his mums for a bit to help her with some stuff....

Once you (yes you get to make a choice here!) have decided whether you’d ever take him back after this, if the answer is no then tell dc the truth;

‘He has told me he doesn’t want us to be a family and has chosen to leave us. He won’t be coming back. Its a big shock and has made me feel sad and angry and confused because people don’t normally behave like this. I understand this will upset you very much too to so please understand that you can talk to me about how this makes you feel whenever you want to’....is something like that x

Sounds a bit like he expected you to be begging him to stay. Nice one OP, you have kept your dignity! ☺️ X xx

thanks guys. He just got up and I asked why he was waiting until Sunday and his answer was 'well I am giving you $300 to help you out so will get that out of the bank tomorrow and I was going to mow the lawns for you before I went and help with DC while you have your doctors appointment tomorrow and was going to talk to DC on Saturday' I told him it would have helped if he had told me this weeks ago since I had ordered his christmas present yesterday that is being shipped from another country.

Ha! Well make sure you send it straight back when it arrives!

Cheeky fucker. You managed before him and you will manage after him. You don’t need him. What a narcissistic prick.

Sod that - he needs to go now. He's going back to mummy? What about his job?

Fuck that. He goes to the bank today then packs his shit and fucks off. He will no doubt fuck things up if he talks to your DC so I'd suggest you take over on that one. He can piss off to mummy's tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest.

I take it he doesn't work?

If you can, I'd tell him to stuff his 300 and that you're going to have to do without his 'help' from now on so you may as well start today. Then show him the door and say "Don't let it hit ya where the Good Lord split ya".

I know it's cold comfort, but thank God this happened before you married the wanker.

he works, dont know what he is planning on doing about that...his problem I guess

I’m so sorry, what an awful shock for you.

It will be a huge upheaval for your dc too. I’m not sure I would leave your fiancé to decide what exactly he tells them. It might make it easier in the long run if you agree in advance e.g. whether he wants/is willing to stay in touch with your dc initially? Would you want that or do you think a clean break would be better? I would sit down together with him to tell the dc, that way you will know exactly what was said.

If you have wedding plans that need to be cancelled ask him to do the admin.

DC have no contact with their father because the relationship was abusive and the courts found him to be a danger to them so ordered he was not to spend any time with them or communicate with them in any way, I have known fiance for about 18 years - we went to school together and even before we were together, after I split up with ex, he would help me out with DC etc so it is not exactly a relationship I want to suddenly break.....I really just dont know.

Can you go back to the rest of your family?
Not sure you even want to but it may be an option to consider.
There's another woman.
And I agree - get the money and kick him out.
Do not beg. Do not plead.
Do NOT do the 'pick me' dance!
You can be quietly dying on the inside but don't show it.
Get him gone as soon as you can and get some support around you.