She has a girlfriend and I'm so jealous ..what do I do?

[pippaisaidiot]

I'm bisexual and she's a lesbian.
She doesn't know I'm bisexual but I have liked her for nearly 2 years now.
I always thought there was an attraction but as far as she was concerned I was straight (always spoke about men,had a boyfriend and posted pics of us)
I fancied her like crazy but never had the bottle to say.
Now 10 months ago she got back with an ex (who she split with 3 years previous )
She always told me she was worried she would never meet anyone and how her type of girls were never gay.
I'm gutted she's with her ex but then I think you made it clear you were into men..what was I expecting to happen?
I should of just said that I liked her.
Gutted

I'm assuming you're single now?

If she becomes single again, tell her then.

In the mean time, crack on with your life. Don't hang around waiting for someone and don't interfere with her relationship.

Yeah I'm single now.
I was trying to force myself to like him.
There were signs she liked me too but I didn't do anything..
There was a time me her and another friend were out together and she was dancing with me and my friend told her "no" as it to say don't try anything and she stopped.

Life is too short, be brave and tell her. It's her call whether she ends it with her ex, I don't see it as interference as such, it's her choice what she tells the ex if she shares your feelings. In your heart do you feel it is reciprocal ? I would trust your instincts, but suppose if you get it wrong you might be licking your wounds for a while. Thing is, you don't want to look back on your life thinking "I wish I told her....". Since it's an ex that suggets to me there me be an element of convenience about it rather than passionate love, but you never know.

Don't wait for the perfect time.

I got the feeling she found me attractive but now that she is back with her ex I'm assuming she doesn't anymore.

Usually I would say leave it, she's with someone else, find yourself someone new, etc.

But

If you really like her, you can tell her. Be prepared for rejection and for you guys to have to cool it on the friendship /hanging out for a bit (or maybe forever).

Play worst case scenario /five years time with yourself. Is "I never told her how I felt and now she's marrying her girlfriend and I'm gutted" worse than "I told her how I felt and it was embarrassing and we haven't spoken since and I really miss her /keep running into her /it changed the dynamics of our friendship group"?

Personally, I think it's OK to tell people you like them. They rarely think less of you for doing so. Obviously it's sad for the was-ex-now-current girlfriend, but you aren't setting out to drive a wedge between them, spread rumours and bust up the relationship - you're just saying how you feel.

....but it does seem odd she would know you for at least two years, be close enough for you to develop strong feelings, confide in you about her romantic life and you never once mentioned you were bi?

Look, as mentioned I'm a guy so take this as you like, but I know that gay male friends have to navigate the whole are they gay or straight thing. One mentioned he will protect himself from investing too much in a man who might be straight. Then you have all the shite like are they just experimenting ? I imagine it's a bit of a minefield.

The ex is easy, she knows where she stands which is why I thought it might be comfortable for her. I would say you've got to trust your feelings and tell her otherwise you're gonna regret it. Good luck!

Nobody knows I am bi.
Not one single person,I've never acted on my feelings towards women.
Mostly due to trying to Deny how I feel and try and find men to help stop me thinking about how I really feel.
The stronger my attraction for her got,the more I would mention "guys I fancied "
Even tho it was her who I really liked.
If she had of came out and said I like you,I might have told her.
I've been dying to tell my mutual friend but I can't bring myself to do it.

The last time I slept with a man I felt disgusting after.
I just didn't like it at all.
It doesn't feel right anymore for me.

I do know the first time I met her,she was telling me that a girl she slept with was her first time and that she was unsure...I don't know if that was her being unsure if she liked her or unsure as it was this girls first time.

(The girl she slept withs first time) not hers.
She's been out for over 12 years now

OK, don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you need to do some work on coming to terms with your own sexuality, before you start thinking about having a girlfriend.

How would you want your relationship with this girl to go? She's unlikely to be down with being your secret girlfriend because you arent able to come out to friends and family. She has (probably) had to do her own hard work around shame and public perception and family members "coming to terms" with her sexuality. Shes been brave - maybe it's time for you to be as well.

You missed your chance here; and it's messy now.

I'd leave this alone; and work on your feelings about your sexuality in the meantime. You sound completely torn up and whilst I sympathise; that's going to be a lot to ask someone to take on. You deserve to feel comfortable and have that crazy honeymoon phase with someone you're really attracted to, too.

You may as well tell her, not much to lose! But be prepared to be rejected, either because she’s happy to be with her current gf or because she doesn’t want to be with someone who is unsure of their sexuality.

Yeah your right ...common sense would tell me she isn't going to dump her girlfriend for a random woman who's straight in her eyes.
Thinking of it like that makes it sound ridiculous.
I guess if she's ever single again ..I could maybe tell her.
I think if I tell her I like her I will make a fool of myself.

think that's maybe the best decision for the time being.

What steps are you going to take to help you come to terms with your bisexuality? If your plan is just "forget about it and try to just have relationships with men in a desperate attempt to make it go away" then I think you will be deliberately making yourself miserable.

You'll also be vulnerable to more passionate, unspoken attachments to women, and yet more self flagellation and closet angst, and misery and secret shame and burning crushes - doesn't it all sound a bit tiring? Wouldn't it be more fun to accept yourself as bisexual and give yourself the chance that, the next time a hot, funny woman who seems to be attracted to you comes along that you could actually maybe tell her, and if she was up for it, have a date with her?

I agree with posters who say that this is more about your sexuality than this particular woman.
Have you thought about trying out some casual dating online?

Less pressure and might even be quite fun.

I'm a bit of a strange one,I need to get to know someone before I start to "fancy" them.
So online dating I never know what I'm looking for.
With this woman it was a slow burner on my part.
It was getting to know her that made me develop this crush.

You could maybe test the water by saying that you think you might be interested in women. You wouldn't have to directly tell her you fancy her.

Don't totally rule out the online dating thing- you could just look for other maybe bi (?) women who seem like you might get along with them as a friend.. might be a good opportunity to talk to like-minded people.

Then you could also casually mention to your friend you've been dating women.. she will be intrigued...and if she is actually interested in you I'm sure you'll know about it, without having to confront the subject directly.

That's a really good idea
Thankyou
That way I guess she would know I'm open to it.
At least I don't have to put myself out so much that way.

Sounds like unfinished business.

We have only a small allotted time for this life thing. Which in itself is not infinite, there is no second go, no afterlife, for the simple reason in 5bn years the solar system will have burned up on itself. Whatever epitaph you fancy, here or in the cloud will have long vanished.

You have no time to waste. Just tell her.

When did she get back with her ex? Sorry I was a little confused by OP x

Did you post about this at the time OP? If it is, I remember how gutted you were when she got back with her ex as you were in the brink of telling her?

I say go for it, tell her how you feel, I don’t think you’ve got anything to lose.

I did yeah ..silly me still be liking her 
I've no clue why she got back with her ex,she hadn't been in a relationship since her but had slept with other women.
She told me her type of girl (girlie ) were hard to find who were gay(maybe she didn't meet anyone Else)
We are from a smallish town and maybe the gay dating pool isn't huge (Just a guess )
Maybe she still had feelings.
From what I gather she broke up with her ex because she was intense and a bit ott(yet still got back together ) who knows.
Me and her ex (well now gf) have similar looks ..both brunette,slim etc ..so you never know (foolishly deluding myself here)

So are you just going to keep mooning over this girl whilst pretending to everyone you're 100% straight, or are you going to be honest with yourself and come out?