She has a girlfriend and I'm so jealous ..what do I do?

[pippaisaidiot]

I'm bisexual and she's a lesbian.
She doesn't know I'm bisexual but I have liked her for nearly 2 years now.
I always thought there was an attraction but as far as she was concerned I was straight (always spoke about men,had a boyfriend and posted pics of us)
I fancied her like crazy but never had the bottle to say.
Now 10 months ago she got back with an ex (who she split with 3 years previous )
She always told me she was worried she would never meet anyone and how her type of girls were never gay.
I'm gutted she's with her ex but then I think you made it clear you were into men..what was I expecting to happen?
I should of just said that I liked her.
Gutted

This is different to a straight person interfering in a relationship in that normally she would have let her feelings known when she was single. The reason she didn't at the time is because she hadn't processed her own thoughts properly.

No harm in testing the waters first and then even telling her you like her. It is then up to her what she does with this information. The only thing the op would be doing wrong is to embark on an affair whilst the ex/now partner is still on the scene. Now that would be wrong.

I was in a similar position. I liked a colleague for a year - it was a crazy crush and I owned up to her and it turned out that she was actually in a secret realtionship with another colleague. I was pleased that I told her though, even if it just meant that her ego was a bit boosted. If she had been singe, things could've been different. Now the GF has moved away and she is heartbroken. Foolish me - although we work together - has now fallen completely in love with her (now I have got to know her better). Now the GF has gone I have been out socially with her. Then I kissed her (she kissed me back. It was great). She put the brakes on and told me it can't happen as we work together and she is not over the girlfriend. I am heartbroken but once again don't really have regrets because I have been true to my feelings and sense she likes me and in different circumstances would go for it. Anyway, she's one of the first women I have really fancied and it's awoken some sort of realisation that I have probably alays been bisexual. I would be fine having a gay relationship. All my friends know that I am nuts about her anyway. I think you could 'come out' to her about having feelings for women and she would be able to help you come to terms with that. It may develop further, or she may be going to commit to the ex. From what you say though, it sounds as if she is perhaps settling a little from a small pool of available gay women. It's really really hard to deal with these unrequieted loves, but it's easier if you know you have been upfront and tried to make it happen cries eyes out

This is different to a straight person interfering in a relationship in that normally she would have let her feelings known when she was single. The reason she didn't at the time is because she hadn't processed her own thoughts properly.

It's really not. OP not understanding her sexuality does not trump the fact that the person is now in a relationship.'mhow ridiculous.

I'm really not going to tell her straight out because I wouldn't feel comfortable.
I am going to say I've started to have feelings for women..then if ever she was single again and was interested then she might make a move.
If she doesn't then she wasn't interested to begin with.

A faint heart never won fair lady!

Be braver next time



So they say ha ha 

This is different to a straight person interfering in a relationship in that normally she would have let her feelings known when she was single. The reason she didn't at the time is because she hadn't processed her own thoughts properly.

No harm in testing the waters first and then even telling her you like her. It is then up to her what she does with this information. The only thing the op would be doing wrong is to embark on an affair whilst the ex/now partner is still on the scene. Now that would be wrong.

Bullshit, the poor g/f

You see, I thought I could make it happen too, the signals were there, but it was just not happening. So I thought it was because things I said that could have easily been misinterpreted... it’s no point to keep thinking about over and over. The hardest think imo is to accept defeat or that one plays a game and they get burnt in the process despite trying to keep their cool.
I remember all the encouragement you had at your first post to tell her and you still were not sure whether to go full on. Even if she was single back then. What happened is heartbreaking, it really is, but try and concentrate on yourself instead. I really feel your pain, but you will get through it.

I would try online dating chat to other women and see what feelings u get. Maybe when the time is right u can tell your friend your true feelings x

Well told my mutual friend that I had started having feelings for a woman (didn't say it was our friend ) and she was really nice about it.
Basically said just go with your gut and not put labels on it etc
I honestly thought she would think bad of me but she was great.

Why do you think that your friend would think badly of you?

I just thought with me only ever dating men then coming out and saying I like a woman she might think I might fancy her or our friendship might change.

Maybe she does think it’s her and is waiting for you to make a move

OP - Do you not think tho if she did fancy /like me she wouldn't have got back with her ex gf ?

You say this but it seems you keep forgetting that according to her, you are straight (especially as you kept reinforcing this 'fact' by talking to her about men you fancy)... So, i doubt that (even if she feels the same way towards you), she would want to rock the 'friendship' boat ie trying to turn her 'straight' friend...

I bet that she felt the 'connection' you did (there is only so much chemistry..or fancying that one can have without the other somehow noticing)...and like *AtrociousCircumstance' says, maybe she is just waiting for you to say something and/or make a move

Soooo, Ms *pippaisaidiot' it's time to get brave...

I would just tell her and see what happens!