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Original poster

She has a girlfriend and I'm so jealous ..what do I do?

66 replies

pippaisaidiot · 23/10/2018 20:31

I'm bisexual and she's a lesbian.
She doesn't know I'm bisexual but I have liked her for nearly 2 years now.
I always thought there was an attraction but as far as she was concerned I was straight (always spoke about men,had a boyfriend and posted pics of us)
I fancied her like crazy but never had the bottle to say.
Now 10 months ago she got back with an ex (who she split with 3 years previous )
She always told me she was worried she would never meet anyone and how her type of girls were never gay.
I'm gutted she's with her ex but then I think you made it clear you were into men..what was I expecting to happen?
I should of just said that I liked her.
Gutted

OP posts:
Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 24/10/2018 22:11

I don't think I can pretend anymore tbh
I'm making myself so miserable

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 24/10/2018 22:25

You should tell her. Whatever happens it will move you forwards. She might turn you down but become someone you can talk to. Or maybe just the act of speaking the truth to someone - the first person ever - will feel liberating and make next steps more possible. Or...she might reciprocate!

If she is truly happy with her gf she will gently let you down, and no harm done.

LexieLulu · 24/10/2018 22:26

Tell her! What have you to lose? If you feel miserable now...

Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 24/10/2018 23:05

Do you not think tho if she did fancy /like me she wouldn't have got back with her ex gf ?

OP posts:
tissuesosoft · 25/10/2018 00:02

I remember your post about this before. I think you should tell her but be prepared for possible fall out from it e.g. she’s not interested, things are awkward, the friendship changes etc

Orlandointhewilderness · 25/10/2018 00:09

Tell her. life is too short.

MiniTheMinx · 25/10/2018 00:23

I think you should tell her. Maybe wait for her to mention the ex-now current and just say you're finding this hard because you caught feelings for her, you've struggled to process it, but now you have it's still hard because she's now with someone else.

Even if she fancied you she'd get back with her ex because she didn't know how you felt. Be prepared though for the possibility that even if she had known, and maybe even if she fancied you she would still have got back with the ex.

SouthWestmom · 25/10/2018 00:52

So if op fancied a bloke we'd all be encouraging her to ignore the girlfriend and declare her love? Hmm.

davisday · 25/10/2018 01:07

Don't bloody tell her. Respect her relationship of 10 months and move on ffs.

Loopytiles · 25/10/2018 08:10

Yes expect many posters would say the same if OP’s friend was male!

Acitywallandatrampoline · 25/10/2018 08:25

I remember your post before about this to. If she is a close friend, can you not just confide in her your feelings about feeling like you may be bi? She is your friend, prob has similar experience and could provide support. That way, she knows the score with you. I am not saying telling her how you feel about her, but at least if she knows it could maybe be a possibility. It might make you feel a bit better too as it seems to be this big secret at the minute.

Branleuse · 25/10/2018 08:30

You need to come out to her about being bi somehow.
You can hint or ask her where lesbians and bi women go these days to meet others.
I dunno, im crap at flirting and even more so with women. With men its so easy

PikaPikaTink · 25/10/2018 09:29

It's weird how because this is a a gay relationship posters are encouraging the op to tell her. If she fancied a man with a long term partnet would you be giving the same advice. Would you want your partner's female friends to declare feelings to him?

Branleuse · 25/10/2018 09:42

the other woman doesnt have a long term partner though. It looks like shes got back with someone who it wasnt a brilliant relationship with, recently possibly due to lack of options in the dating pool.

I dont see anyone telling OP to seduce this woman. Just letting her know that she is also interested in women.

I dont even see a massive moral dilemma.
I think its likely a bit different with heterosexual couples because you can almost assume most peoples heterosexuality which takes away a whole level of difficulty in the dating game.

Loopytiles · 25/10/2018 10:26

Yes, I do think posters would say the same if OP’s friend was a man who had recently started a relationship. The woman OP likes doesn’t have a “partner”, she has very recently started dating an ex.

Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 25/10/2018 12:40

My jealousy is out of control today.
She's out with her kids and girlfriends daughter so they are obviously really close again.
I honestly think if I ever had a chance (probably never ) then that ship has sailed.
She's probably going to be with her forever now and live happily ever after .
Need to get a grip !

OP posts:
Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 25/10/2018 12:58

Think il still mention I'm interested in dating women ...you never know.

OP posts:
chemicalworld · 25/10/2018 13:22

Do. For your own development do this, like others have said it feels like you've got to work on yourself first but no harm in talking to her about it.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust · 25/10/2018 14:10

I'm not saying this to be critical at all, but if I remember correctly from your last thread you danced around with the idea of telling her (this was after she had reconnected with her ex) and despite plenty of encouragement from others on here you did nothing despite continuing to say you might do. Do you want to be in the same position months down the line? This person is obviously important to you and there is some connection there for you to still be pining after her so just tell her. No excuses. Just tell her. And yes I would give anyone else the same advice, male/female straight/bi/gay. It's something that is playing on your mind and making you miserable so do it for yourself and your own sanity. You can do it in a way that's respectful of her relationship. You don't have to message saying 'fancy a s@%g' do you (not saying you do, but you know what I mean!) You telling her you like her and have for a while is not disrespectful to anyone. She is her own person and can chose how she processes the information and what results. If she doesn't reply or rejects you, then pursuing on your part would be disrespectful to her relationship, but if anything I think you are being disrespectful to yourself by not being true to your feelings and your also not being honest with her. You only have one life and so far you have let months pass by when who knows where you and her could have been by now if you had just told her the first time around? I hope this doesn't come across as harsh. I really hope you do what's best for you and it works out. I have seen too many friends in life miss out in similar circumstances.

Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 25/10/2018 15:17

No that's not harsh,it's a very truthful post.
I don't know why I've struggled with it and why I can't just say.
I just wish last year when she asked me to go to a festival with her I had just gone ...she was inviting me places and trying to get to know me.
I'm stupid.
I'm going to just put it out there that I'm interested in women and what will be will be.

OP posts:
AnotherOneBitesTheDust · 25/10/2018 15:38

You're not stupid at all, you're just human. We all go through it! You just need to stop beating yourself up about it. You had your reasons and she won't have pushed for anything when she didn't know you had those feelings even towards the same sex, never mind for her. Take the risk it could pay off! And if it doesn't, that may also be a blessing as it would be good for you to have the distance from her and not have to hear/see updates about the girlfriend. Good luck!

Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 25/10/2018 19:35

I think I'm gonna confide in our mutual friend about my feelings lately (I won't mention names ) I really need to get it off my chest with real life friends (if that makes sense )

OP posts:
One1 · 25/10/2018 20:35

If I remember well it’s not the first time you are posting about this.

  1. Are you sure you are bi? Just because of this crush? Did you fancy other women sort from her?
  2. You are now obsessing about what if. It’s not healthy. If it was meant to happen it would have happened. Even if it did, there is no guarantee you’d still be together. Telling a real life friend might help, just to get it off your chest. These things cannot be avoided unfortunately, and now you are just angry and jealous, and it’s eating at you.
If you cannot do it yourself, ask your friend to delete her from snapchat and other social media, it will get better eventually. I takes ages, but it will. 3.Are you sure that is not your ego suffering right now? At the end of the day, things just did not turn out the way you hoped they would.
  1. Do not give up, and do not waste your life obsessing. Count your losses and carry on! YOU CAN DO IT! 😊
Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 26/10/2018 12:54

There has been a few women I've found attractive but as I didn't spend any time with them it never developed into "liking " them.
I'm not sure what I am anymore.
I've never really fancied many men either.

OP posts:
Original poster
pippaisaidiot · 26/10/2018 12:56

See I don't always believe in "if it's meant to be it will be" I think sometimes if you want something you need to make it happen.

OP posts:
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