Transgender husband

[Jadeddragon]

Hi im very new to this and its taken alot to get here. So i guess the best place to start is the beginning.

Me and my husband have been together for 6 years both have traumatic upbringing think its what bonded us. We have two lovely little monkies. We have always been very explorative during sex one time thats relavent to this post is a foursome with his cousin and a friend. Now since then me and my husbands cousin have been occasionaly sleeping with each other purely sexual no feelings my husband is aware and is fine. The issue has arisen is my husband has come out as transgender which i feel he has tricked me in a sense. He says he let us have an open relationship as he felt guilty. I now feel guilty and have discussed leaving my husband but would stay friends and remain close but not physically as im not attracted to women. But hes now stating he doesnt want to as means losing me. Tbh i just dont know what to do anymore. We work great but im struggling to find him attractive as hes now wearing my clothes and underwear which i fully support im just stuck and feel like im drowning. I understand people will frown on this as it is unconventional but some honest advice would be beneficial.

Thank you in advance

What is a monkie?

That would be a deal breaker for me.

There's a thread called Trans Widows in Feminist Chat which would be worth a visit.

There are sadly a group of women who are where you are and will no doubt have wise counsel. If nothing else, you'll know you're not alone

You have another post running about your husband having an affair

I couldn’t be with him anymore

Here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee

Loubiloo children, I think. As in an
affectionate name for kids, little monkeys.

OP, I feel for you. I don't think I have any advice. I found out recently that most trans people don't actually have surgery. I have no idea how they have sexual relationships.

I think it would be worth you finding a support group for people in your situation; you can't be the only person who married a cis person who later became trans. Hopefully there is some good advice out there.

Would you stay emotionally in a relationship with them if you were free to meet your sexual needs elsewhere?

So your husband is not having an affair? Your other thread gives a very different impression of this ‘open marriage’.

Your husband needs to buy their own clothes.

MsOliphant I don't think the OP is the OP of the other thread she's posted on.

MsOliphant - that post about the husband having an affair isn't Jadeddragons post. Its someone elses.

All sounds very confused and confusing. Is it half term where you are?

A foursome with his cousin?????!!!!! 😷

I don't know why we needed to know about the foursome with his cousin. Ewww

"...when is enough, enough’"

When your husband shags his cousin

MsOliphant The OP posted her exact opening post on that thread, but it was someone else's thread about their husband's affair. She was then told to start her own thread, so presumably she has - here.

Obviously no guarantees it makes it true, but it isn't quite as blatantly false as it might appear.

The other post isnt mine i unfortunately posted on someone elses thread as got comfused with the website and how to make a new thread. My husband has never cheated on me as far as im aware we have an open relationship due to him being transgender. And tbh its more me thats explored that than him and it probably does make me an awful person im aware people will disagree and thats fine i apoligise if i have offended people

MsOliphant, you should actually read the other thread rather than just the preview.

Don't worry OP, it doesn't make you an awful person to have alternative sexual arrangements within a relationship; not when everyone's aware and consenting.

Is your husband now presenting full time as a woman then in day to day life? And you still live together and act the same as you did before this huge change in your dynamic, sharing a bed etc.? You must be so conflicted; are you seeing anyone to talk about your feelings?

He doesnt around the children as there still so young. But as soon as there in bed he gets dressed in female clothes and underwear. We still are living like we were before im reluctant to see someone as slightly embarressed by the situation(differnt being online where nobody knows what you look like or you name) and been put on antidepressants.

OP- please explain how it came to be that you both thought a foursome with a family member was a good idea? Intrigued!!

Oh OP, I hope the ADs help

Don't be embarrassed to see someone, it's not about you what your husband's up to. And it's more common than you think. You deserve to have someone help you get your feeling straight about this.

What does your husband want from the future with this? Is he hoping to transition fully when the kids are older? Is it something he's just exploring? Or is he happy to keep this as private cross-dressing for his own enjoyment? I imagine the answer to that question may have a bearing on where you see yourself in the future and if it's something you're comfortable with.

Tbh im not sure it wasnt planned one drunkern act lead to anouther. Me and my husband had been swingers for a while so maybe that had a factor.