Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DH wants to go on a family holiday without me

82 replies

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 13:02

So we go skiing every year with friends who had kids of similar age who get on v well. I don’t really like skiing that much anymore and the kids can be very badly behaved over there so I haven’t really wanted to go in years but as my DH loves it and it is a good family holiday and we get on great with the other family go without compliant. This year our friends can’t go so DH wants to go with another couple who don’t have kids of similar age and who while I really like them wouldn’t choose to go on holiday for a week with. His response (not aggressively) was to suggest her would go instead with the kids by himself

To put it in context we both work FT and struggle to spend any real time with the kids outside holidays so I am v hurt that his first response is to do something himself with them and immediately discount me as opposed to trying to come up with a solution or holiday idea we are all happy with. So skiing is more important than a holiday with me. Do I have a right to feel aggrieved or am I over reacting ?

OP posts:

Cawfee · 16/10/2018 13:10

I’ll be honest, I know lots of dads with wives who aren’t into skiing and they do go away with likeminded people and take kids. They might not take all the kids eg not babies/toddlers but they go and put above 5 years in ski school and spend the day skiing with their dad mates. In the meantime, Mum gets house to herself, invites mates over for wine, bed to herself, eats takeaway every night....can’t see the prob personally. However, the compromise is that dads go on a Mum chosen family holiday later in the year eg somewhere hot with a pool. Do that?

HollowTalk · 16/10/2018 13:13

I'd let him get on with it. I think he'll probably have a crap time - how old are the other kids? Won't he feel like a spare part? Are your children badly behaved when they go skiing - if so, why?

Angharad07 · 16/10/2018 13:20

Why should you pay for him to go on a family holiday without you...

Lovethetimeyouhave · 16/10/2018 13:22

Ok I get why you're annoyed, buy just talk to him. If it were me I'd be packing his bags already, fantasizing about all the me time I will have and planning my meals!

PersonaNonGarter · 16/10/2018 13:24

I can’t get this clear - is it the skiing you don’t want? Or the other family?

If it is the skiing, you should let him go with the DC. They’ll have a good time and you can save the time off and money to do something else.

If it is the other family, then that’s completely fair to be annoyed and want to go just your own family if that is what you want.-

Cherries101 · 16/10/2018 13:24

He has no right to spend joint money on a family holiday that excludes you. If he insists then use an equal amount for something for you and your kids. Men have no right to more leisure time than women.

WipsGlitter · 16/10/2018 13:26

Do the kids want to go?

Can you go and not ski?

AnyFucker · 16/10/2018 13:26

Let him get on with it and don't do any of the organising for him

Have a relaxing partying week without him and the kids at home.

BastardGoDarkly · 16/10/2018 13:26

I'd just say... nah, let's skip it, just for this year, and all go somewhere different for a change?

He was only suggesting it.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 16/10/2018 13:28

To be honest it seems a bit pointless and expensive you being there if if you are not that into skiing. Plus it can be a bit of a downer for others who are mad keen skiers if you are that person who would rather have a long lunch, leave the slopes early and not get the first lift in the morning.

My father was massively into trekking and the outdoors generally. My mother could think of nothing worse then slogging her way up a mountain and camping. So he took me and my brothers instead with another one of his mates and his kids. We had a great time getting muddy, fishing, making camp fires and having some awesome father / son bonding. My mum loved having a quiet house for a week!

spanishwife · 16/10/2018 13:30

Exactly what Cafwee said in the first comment. It's quite normal, I did the same with my dad and sister while my mom went off on a girls holiday when I was much younger.

thegrinningfox · 16/10/2018 13:31

I don’t know many wives who go skiing with their children minus husband when the husband is not keen. Which is a shame. But I go. Alone with my quite young dc. And we love it.

My husband was always invited and I would have loved for him to get the bug as imo it is the best of the best holiday. But he was not keen. He was more than happy we go on our own. He much rather stay home and instead of wasting money and AL in a hotel waiting for us to come back from the piste and for us to be annoyed that we have to come back maybe early because he’d be bored he planned a holiday that he likes for himself and the dc whilst I stay home (in peace) for a week.

In my opinion is called being grown up. Plus, a skiing holiday is crap unless you ski. Because there is nothing else to do.

It is a bit childish to see it as a choice between you or skiing.

Original poster

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 13:31

The issue isn't the money, its the time. We get to to away and do things so infrequently as a family he is choosing to do something for a week that excludes me when the next time will be late summer before we get another chance

its the other family mainly, the ones we go with normally make it bearable and there is nothing to do on a skiing holiday if you don't ski. You know the way you might really like someone but not want to go on holidays with them. Also my kids would be unbearable without other kids as a distraction.

its more that I feel he feels I am surplus to requirments, like yeah fine if you want to come come but we are going with or without you.

OP posts:

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 16/10/2018 13:33

FFS

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 16/10/2018 13:33

I quite often take the kids away on holiday by myself. Especially if it's something we will enjoy together but DH isn't into.
In your situation I would probably let him crack on and book some annual leave another time to give kids a second holiday with me.

thegrinningfox · 16/10/2018 13:35

I meant, he takes a week off and he and dc go on his type of holiday - all inclusive beach holiday which I would also like and I am always invited to but I leave them to it. It is nice sometimes to have the children for yourself and do it your way.

cestlavielife · 16/10/2018 13:36

Let e.g. and dc go and enjoy a peaceful house.
You take a week later something you like

Look at your weekends and how you soend them so family time isnt squeezed into one week holiday a year.

twiglet · 16/10/2018 13:37

If the kids love it and he does too I don't see the problem. I have been on many a ski holiday where friends wife or husband hasn't come along because they simply don't like it and being in the cold without doing it isn't their thing.

One friend has 3 ski holidays a year, one with the boys, one with just his DCs (wife stays at home) and one adventure course. He does work offshore so has a lot of holiday! It's clearly also his love of the sport same as if he was going to play football just for a longer consecutive period.

I'm an avid skier, quite gutted I can't go this coming season as expecting a baby it's a passion for the sport not the same level holiday as going to the beach.

mindutopia · 16/10/2018 13:38

Is there no way he could take time off for a family holiday together later in the year? I think that sounds great personally. I’d love a relaxing week at home or time to go away traveling on my own. I’d hate to be stuck with other people I don’t really like too. But I take a holiday every year on my own (without dh or dc) and usually also take my older one away for a holiday just the two of us. It’s lovely time together. God, I wish my dh would take them both away and give me a quiet week at home (youngest is still bf so not possible really). I can understand the concern about not having time together, but if there’s a way to make time for a holiday later in the year then that sounds like a reasonable compromise.

cestlavielife · 16/10/2018 13:38

How old are your dc and why are they unbearable?
What are they like on a summer holiday?
What do you do with them as a family on weekends?

PreseaCombatir · 16/10/2018 13:40

I’d let them crack on to be honest, if the money’s not the issue.
Enjoy that week to yourself, if the kids are unbearable, oh well, that’s his problem!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 16/10/2018 13:43

I'm an avid skier, quite gutted I can't go this coming season as expecting a baby

In fairness in Chamonix expectant mothers register their bumps at the ecole de ski so junior can learn how to ski before learning how to walk.

yourfamousblueraincoat · 16/10/2018 13:45

I totally get it OP. I would be very hurt if my DH suggested this as holiday time with my son and him as a family is precious to me. Personally I would just put my foot down about going somewhere together and tell him it’s not happening - have you told him why it is not an ideal solution?

wonderandwander · 16/10/2018 13:46

I recall you from a previous thread and I have just brought up your history

You have a terrible marriage according to previous posts.

Are you really surprised at this scenario? And given your previous posts, I am surprised you want To go on holiday with him.

thegrinningfox · 16/10/2018 13:48

So if you like skiing (or whihever activity) but your wife/husband doesn’t it means that for the rest if your life you cannot do it nor pass that love for it to your dc?? Lovely way to interpret family.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread