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Original poster

DH wants to go on a family holiday without me

82 replies

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 13:02

So we go skiing every year with friends who had kids of similar age who get on v well. I don’t really like skiing that much anymore and the kids can be very badly behaved over there so I haven’t really wanted to go in years but as my DH loves it and it is a good family holiday and we get on great with the other family go without compliant. This year our friends can’t go so DH wants to go with another couple who don’t have kids of similar age and who while I really like them wouldn’t choose to go on holiday for a week with. His response (not aggressively) was to suggest her would go instead with the kids by himself

To put it in context we both work FT and struggle to spend any real time with the kids outside holidays so I am v hurt that his first response is to do something himself with them and immediately discount me as opposed to trying to come up with a solution or holiday idea we are all happy with. So skiing is more important than a holiday with me. Do I have a right to feel aggrieved or am I over reacting ?

OP posts:

llangennith · 16/10/2018 15:01

Let them all go off on their ski holiday and stop being a spoilsport. Maybe the kids will enjoy it more as they and their dad actually like skiing.

TatianaLarina · 16/10/2018 15:01

there is nothing to do on a skiing holiday if you don't ski

Nonsense. You can choose a resort with a pool, spa, skating etc.

I’m very happy curled up in front of a gorgeous view with a book and a hot chocolate.

We go a lot - sometimes I ski and sometimes I don’t, but I wouldn’t miss being in the mountains for anything.

youngestisapsycho · 16/10/2018 15:03

Really don't see an issue.... I have often gone on holidays with the DC but without DH as he is working and can't come. I'd be shouting for joy if DH said he was taking the kids off somewhere for a week! Lol

Reastie · 16/10/2018 15:04

Is it the kind of thing you could do 3 days skiing then 3 days fly off somewhere else for part 2 of the holiday somewhere you’d like to go? Or do a city break for a week end then travel to the skiing venue for the rest of the week? Would keep everyone happy and you wouldn’t be stuck with the other couple for a whole week. Or just say you don’t fancy holidaying with that couple but will go skiing to keep the peace and suck it up. Children could go to a kids club/ski club if you felt you’d be constantly disciplining them on your own whilst dh was off skiing.

There must be other things to do other than ski? Is there somewhere that has indoor things like bowling or an ice skating rink or pool/spa? Maybe a sledge ride. Things you can plan to keep the dc amused but not all ski based.

mrsjackrussell · 16/10/2018 15:06

I would let them go and have a weeks holiday on my own somewhere warm. Bliss

Loopytiles · 16/10/2018 15:06

Sounds like you have compromised every year and that, for you, this is one compromise too far.

Can you afford a second family holiday in addition to skiing? (Both in terms of money and annual leave from work).

Do you trust DH to take good sole care of the DC while skiing etc?

Original poster

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 15:07

The kids are not fussed about going, in fact they are not keen at all as the other kids were a big part of the holiday for them too so its not like I am stopping them all from going on something they really want to do. It is just my DH who really wants to go. he has gone on skiing holidays himself with friends and I have no objection but there is no one going this year so this couple are our only option.

Time is so limited and getting away is so hard, we haven't been away alone together in years even for a honeymoon (finances are no issue) so I am kind of like you can make an effort if it is something that you want but fuck me I don't even register in the equation

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 16/10/2018 15:10

Looking at your other posts your husband sounds horrible anyway

Perhaps use the week he is away to consult a solicitor and plan to make a life for yourself away from him

Original poster

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 15:38

Its not the money its the leave really plus kids at school and a teenager who doesn't want to leave his friends for 5 seconds doesn't help.

Maybe I am being unreasonable and I should just let him off.

in relation to the young stunner he was sniffing around last year I believe she is off the scene now. He has said there has been contact although guards his phone with his life so who knows. She has a boyfriend and is too young for him and has no interest in him I suspect. He realises that so not worth throwing everything away on something that won't ever happen... now if she had been interested I suspect he would have been too.
I just always had the upper hand before, the one that cared less and now the roles have reversed so significantly it is hard to come to terms with.

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 16/10/2018 15:41

You could get the “upper hand” back by not tolerating the way he treats you, and being prepared to leave.

If the DC don’t wish to go skiing, they can stay at home with you, but as you say you’ll both be using up annual leave.

auntyflonono · 16/10/2018 15:57

Send him on his own and take the children somewhere nice, have a think.

PinkDaffodil2 · 16/10/2018 16:02

Send him with the kids, take a week of annual leave late in the year and do something nice with them without him.

cestlavielife · 16/10/2018 16:11

Why do you need to use up your leave if you dont go? Surely you can continue worki ing and use your leave later for something you want to do? How many days leave do you have per year? It doesn't sound like you enjoy spending time with your dh and dc anyway...If you have to have distraction of other kids other people.
Let him go and take the time alone to consider where you want to be now and in 5 years time when dc older and left home....

Ragwort · 16/10/2018 16:12

My DH & DC love skiing & for years I would just tag along with them, assuming it was just what you did as a parent. But I have finally realised that, apart from anything else, it is an absolute waste of money to go on a ski holiday if you don't ski (& I have done all the extra activities mentioned in this thread ). So I finally said I didn't want to go and am thoroughly looking forward to a week of peace on my own. I also have the sort of holiday I like (sunshine) with a girlfriend so I get a lovely holiday as well. We try & find something we all enjoy as a family as well but with teenagers that's not always easy.
However, maybe you have more problems in your marriage than just separate holidays?

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 16/10/2018 16:15

So let me get that right.
He wants to go but not you. And the dcs aren’t keen anyway because it’s the other kids that made the trip fun more than the skiing.
You know he was read to have an affair last year and he is guarding his phone Like his life is depending on it.
And actually he doesn’t care about spending time with you anyway.

You have much bigger problems than this trip.
If he doesn’t care about you or want to spend time with you AND he is clearly willing to stray, I think the relationship is on it’s last leg anyway.
I think your u need a rethink there, a much bigger one about what you actually want from a relationship, what you will not accept and review your relationship.

The bit about been the one who cares and he doesn’t says a lot. I suspect yu haven’t changed in your level of ‘caring’ but he clearly has distanced himself a lot.
Are you happy to accept a shadows of a relationships?

mama17 · 16/10/2018 16:25

I wouldn't be happy with this!

user1494670108 · 16/10/2018 16:31

I take my kids skiing and leave my husband at home. I also take a long weekend skiing and leave them all at home! We can afford it and we see each other evenings and weekends, you sound a bit needy to be honest. If you both have enough leave why not suggest he takes a day or a few days for you to spend together another time? My dh did come with us once, he hated it and that made the whole holiday more difficult for all of us.

Shockers · 16/10/2018 16:38

DH and DS love skiing. I don’t, but I do love the holidays. I get snowshoes and do the snowshoe trails, or more recently I’ve been doing them on cross country skis which are much more comfortable than downhill ones. I also love the outdoor heated pool, and eating by the fire in the evening.

If I really hated the holidays though, I think I’d just let them get on with it and plan a week of catching up with friends.

Original poster

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 16:42

Maybe I am a bit needy, I never was before. Its just we spend so little quality time together as a couple or family I was upset at how quickly he went from family holiday to one with just him and the kids

Thanks so much for all the replies and feedback. Food for thought.

OP posts:

wonderandwander · 16/10/2018 19:20

* He realises that so not worth throwing everything away on something that won't ever happen... now if she had been interested I suspect he would have been too. *

Op you have much bigger problems than this holiday

Busyworkingbee · 16/10/2018 19:51

Honestly I'd say go..
Grab my p.js wine and shit loads of chocolate plenty of sleep and a few girlie nights lol!
Sorry that doesn't help! But yeah I'd pick somewhere different together.

TatianaLarina · 16/10/2018 19:55

Read your other thread.

You kind of need to be married to him long enough to be able to take what you’re due.

I would just bide your time. Let him go ski-ing if he wants to go - at least you get a week off from him.

RandomMess · 16/10/2018 19:57

I think you need to spell it out to him how obvious his attitude his;

"So you want to spend what little leave you have going skiing and you don't give a shiny shit what the DC and I would like to do. So really you're just not bothered about spending time with me or us as a family are you?

So is this your way of telling me our marriage is over but you don't have the guts to end it?"

TatianaLarina · 16/10/2018 19:59

She’s only been married 5 mins and needs to be for a bit longer.

I wouldn’t rock the boat for the moment.

Thebluedog · 16/10/2018 20:00

I’d be packing him and the kids off for a week and Bioko g a week away somewhere hot either on my own or with friends I like

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