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Original poster

DH wants to go on a family holiday without me

82 replies

desperatesux · 16/10/2018 13:02

So we go skiing every year with friends who had kids of similar age who get on v well. I don’t really like skiing that much anymore and the kids can be very badly behaved over there so I haven’t really wanted to go in years but as my DH loves it and it is a good family holiday and we get on great with the other family go without compliant. This year our friends can’t go so DH wants to go with another couple who don’t have kids of similar age and who while I really like them wouldn’t choose to go on holiday for a week with. His response (not aggressively) was to suggest her would go instead with the kids by himself

To put it in context we both work FT and struggle to spend any real time with the kids outside holidays so I am v hurt that his first response is to do something himself with them and immediately discount me as opposed to trying to come up with a solution or holiday idea we are all happy with. So skiing is more important than a holiday with me. Do I have a right to feel aggrieved or am I over reacting ?

OP posts:
Enb76 · 16/10/2018 13:49

I think if it came down to a choice of husband or skiing I would choose skiing. As far as I'm concerned it's the only holiday I truly love, I do do other holidays but would happily jack them all in if I could ski more often.

thegrinningfox · 16/10/2018 13:50

Aaaahhh ok if the marriage is not ok nor on an equal footing then... that a whole different story.

In other words if your dh is a selfish uncaring twat... LTB. But another more reason to be by yourself for a week and pondera things through imo

Robin2323 · 16/10/2018 13:50

I've been on both sides of this and never again.
I agree annual leave is too precious to spend weeks apart.

Holidays are at time when you relax away from stress and time Tables. A time for bonding
Separate holidays - bad idea.
Not good for marriages.

thegrinningfox · 16/10/2018 13:51

Enb76 if you ever need a skiing mate... Smile

serbska · 16/10/2018 13:53

I think if it came down to a choice of husband or skiing I would choose skiing. As far as I'm concerned it's the only holiday I truly love, I do do other holidays but would happily jack them all in if I could ski more often.

+1

Enb76 · 16/10/2018 13:58

@thegrinningfox

Ha, off to Avoriaz for Feb half term. Rented a tiny AirBnB studio apartment. Have tried to get more friends to come but most of them have family holidays and it's just me and the 10 year old. I'll do my hard skiing in the morning while she's in ski school and bumble around on reds with her in the afternoons. I should definitely get myself more skiing friends!

MrsJane · 16/10/2018 13:59

I see this from both sides.

He and the kids want to go skiing, you don't. It's not fair on them to miss out on something they love forever, nor is it fair you're forced to go on a holiday you hate or miss time with the kids.

You need compromise and this sounds like the perfect arrangement.

Or could he split the week, so half of it with you doing something else close by? Or take another holiday all together?

twiglet · 16/10/2018 14:00

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster I'm due in Feb can't go beforehand we checked out for after baby is here but none of the ski crèche take them that young and planning on breastfeeding.

To people who don't like ski the above does sound crazy but as said it's more than just a holiday.

Trinity66 · 16/10/2018 14:00

I would be packing their bags for them :P Don't get me wrong I love my DH and DC but a week to myself sounds like heaven

fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 14:00

Did you find out what happened with the other woman back in January op?

That would have a breaking on how happy I was for him to go on holiday without me.

I don't know why everybody keeps saying 'enjoy the time alone'. Op has said several times she works full time and holiday with the kids is special.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2018 14:09

I was going to say you sound like you're a bit oversensitive, but then saw comments about your other posts? I don't know how to check your post history, could someone post a link?

fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 14:10

Even without the history I'd be sad if my Dh and the kids wanted to bigger off on rare family time off without me!

Greenkit · 16/10/2018 14:14

I would be packing their suitcases and waving them goodbye from the door

Seniorschoolmum · 16/10/2018 14:16

I have a friend who goes with her family but spends the week reading, at the spa and last year she did a three day Italian cookery course while they were on the slopes.

Sometimes she takes the cable car up and meets them for lunch but otherwise chills out and leaves her dh to do energetic childcare.

Would that work?

Branleuse · 16/10/2018 14:21

so him and the kids want to go skiing. You dont fancy it so you think nobody should go?

Id understand your point if he was leaving you with the kids, but why not just let him take the kids.
You do whatever it was you prefer for that week

snowgirl1 · 16/10/2018 14:31

Could you not pick a ski company that specializes in family ski trips, so that there are lots of other children around to distract your children? If your friends don't want to be surrounded by children, they could stay in AirBnB or hotel or whatever in the same resort?

anniehm · 16/10/2018 14:33

I go to the ski resort and go walking/snowshoeing instead, I have found guided tours about flora and fauna, open to all but it was mostly non skiing women (and free)

Talith · 16/10/2018 14:43

YANBU If this is your only time to spend time together until later in the year I definitely think the right thing to do would be to have a different type of holiday this time.

I don't get on with skiing, the stupidly early starts, the cold, the fucking lifts, falling over aching..... so I don't remotely blame you for going off the idea in general!

juneau · 16/10/2018 14:49

I think your DH is being really unreasonable OP. If you have limited time off together and he's planning to use a week of his holiday to go away without you (and with other people who you don't particularly like), then that would be a big problem for me. That's not to say that I mind DH going away without me sometimes - I don't - particularly if it's with old friends or I can't get away or something like that - but to deliberately exclude you is not acceptable. I find it odd though that you can't just say that and that he won't listen. Holidays, surely, are something that need to discussed and mutually agreed? They are a big expenditure (esp. skiing), and if you and your DH only have 4 or 5 or 6 weeks each year to do things as a family that time should be ring-fenced fenced unless otherwise, mutually agreed. That your DH doesn't understand your objections speaks of deeper issues IMO.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/10/2018 14:50

My dh once took dds skiing without me. I'd been a few times but they were all keener than I was.
I had a lovely peaceful week on my tod.

Penguinsetpandas · 16/10/2018 14:53

I don't ski either but works OK for us as our youngest only skis for minutes before deciding he prefers hot chocolating so him and I go up the cable car and to the mountain cafe and also get hotel with pool. We also just go for 3 - 4 days rather than a week.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/10/2018 14:54

Also my kids would be unbearable without other kids as a distraction
All the more reason to let him go with the kids, on his own!
Bet he won't do it again without you.
Can you do something for that week for you?
You will be child free. Maybe a weekend with another friend or something similar.
I'd be OK with this. A week off for me to chill and do what I want.
(But I love skiing so I'd be off with them - Although Ski's don't agree with me, snow-blading is great fun)

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 16/10/2018 14:58

Plan a holiday for yourself and the dcs wo DH. If he grumbles, tell him he already had a holiday with the dcs, time to spend with them, and now it’s your turn to do so.

I titally Get why you are annoyed. I used to be too.
Then I decided that no one wouod be organising things so I can have a nice time with or wo my dcs. So I’m organising my own things.
If/when DH is moaning, he is reminded of the times he did exactly the same wo a second thought.

ittakes2 · 16/10/2018 15:00

Honestly, if he loves skiing and you don't - then I don't get why you would not want him to go. Live is short - I would let him enjoy his hobby. In some way I am wondering why the kids are going too unless they really love skiing as well. You can treat yourself to some nice spa days or whatever it is you fancy!

HerRoyalNotness · 16/10/2018 15:00

I’d be ok with this, but My DH is the one who doesn’t like skiing much and couldn’t cope with the DC. He’s never taken them away alone and probably never will.

I however have, and we’re off to visit friends in Canada for thanksgiving this year. We didn’t know whether he’d be here or not, so we just booked for me and the DC, he doesn’t mind. I also have not minded much when he visited his family in the UK on this own several times over the past 2 years.

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