I have a strong crush on my social worker he is engaged I'm married

[Honesttoafault1124]

This so embarrassing and wrong but it's driving me crazy and I know for ethical reasons would never happen. I've been seeing him for various issues for several months and was instantly attracted to him. I didn't start crushing until the third session. He is completely professional and outside of my inappropriate crush has helped me more then any of the other psychologists I've seen. I understand all the psychological reasons for liking him and part of it is im bored in my marriage which is terrible I know. I've never have or will tell him my feelings I will just embarrass myself and probably make him uncomfortable I've never verbally or physically been inappropriate with him but I fantasize about him all the time and twice I've cried in the sessions because of a terrible loss that recently happened in my family he hugged me for a long time and honestly I didn't want to let him go he told me I'm his favorite client I can tell he likes me (but not in the way I like him)and is comfortable enough to get close to me and I feel comfortable with him because of his professionalism he's compassionate which I have always found attractive plus he's incredibly good looking we have similar personalities with the little bit I know about him and how he acts obviously he can't disclose his personal life too much eventually when I get to a point where I'm better able to cope emotionally our client/therapist relationship will be terminated which gives me anxiety because he helps me and because I've become so attached because of my intense crush I know it's wrong to have for three reasons and it would never happen but I just don't want to let him go even though nothing romantic will never happen he makes me feel better and my life especially currently has been very hard I don't want to let go of this perpetual high because of my crush ugh this is torture how do I let go because eventually we won't have sessions anymore anyway and I know this isn't fair to my husband I'm being selfish it tortures me to know that if circumstances were different and I wasn't his client and we were both single maybe it would happen we're just so similar in the way we think but that's not the case ugh

Are you in the UK? I’m wondering if not because social worker and therapist are different things here.

If he’s a therapist he should be well trained in transference feelings. I’m not sure about the hugging you and telling you are his favourite though.

You know the answer really- you need to look for a different therapist. You’ll just hurt yourself and your marriage otherwise x

He sounds as if he’s blurring professional boundaries, and agree with pp that this sounds more like a therapist than a social worker. If he is a therapist, he should know how to manage transference. Which is it, OP?

Either way, this can’t continue. Your situation won’t improve if you’re reluctant to get better/improve your life because this will end your contact with him.

Neither a social worker nor a therapist should be hugging you and telling you you're their favourite. This guy is deeply unprofessional and I would wonder if he is stoking your feelings deliberately.

Well he is a social worker that does talk therapy cbt etc the same stuff psychologists do just different title I'm from the US

I do want to get better I deal with bad depression and anxiety and honestly I don't think he is being unprofessional but compassionate he has never touched me other than the two times we hugged which was only because I was crying so bad nor has he ever said anything inappropriate I told him something inappropriate my Psychatrist said to me and they work in the same building he said not only what the Psychatrist said was not only inappropriate but not normal ad reported him so it wouldn't make sense for him to do the same thing plus he feels compassionate about all his clients to the point he cries about it to his supervisors that's just how he is and he talks about his fiancé here and there when it's relevant to what I'm talking about my husband obviously he doesn't say what her name is

I don’t think he should be hugging you, however hard you are crying. I also don’t think he should be telling you that he is crying in supervision.

I know you won’t want to hear this but I think you should consider switching to someone else.

I really appreciate your honesty however I don’t see the problem with him I see it more so in myself. For one thing he would never be inappropriate with me even if their were anything feelings for me (a) he would lose his job (b) I can tell he is completely in love with his fiancé (c) were in a room alone together if he wanted to do something or say something he has ample opportunity which while I have a crush on him would turn me off I like nice guys and he helps me I just want to let go of my crush on him because it’s immoral and unhealthy and (d) why would he tell me that eventually I will no longer see him as a client if he was trying to be inappropriate because I will never see him again which makes it impossible for him to do anything inappropriate if i have no contact with him by a certain point he’s just compassionate believe me I’m pretty good at reading people and if he was going to be inappropriate I would see it coming like I said he just hugged me twice because he is a compassionate person like I am

I think you need to get a new therapist- this crush is only going to add to your problems .

You shouldn't know that he's "completely in love with his fiancée" you have a professional relationship. And no he shouldn't be hugging you or telling you, you are his favourite. You need a new therapist.

He never told me he is completely in love with his fiancé I could just tell by the way he talks about her when he brings her up I honestly think he brings her up to relate to what I’m talking about with my husband and maybe subconsciously let me know it will never happen between us even though I’ve never been inappropriate with him or told him my true feelings I mean he studies people for a living and if he wasn’t as good of a therapist and he said inappropriate comments like my ex psychiatrist did then I would terminate immediately I just want to know how to let go permanently of my crush on him because it’s on and off again and eventually our sessions will end anyway I don’t think he would deliberately try and take advantage of my or any other female clients feelings or problems

No no no.

He’s not acting professionally. I’m a man with a similar job. He has:

• hugged you
• said you’re his favourite
• criticised a colleague to your face

This is all wrong. He’s completely blurring boundaries in a relationship with a troubling power dynamic.

You need a new worker.

You are reading too much into this and are overthinking his behaviour. He is a paid professional. Im in a similar profession and i would never say to you that the psychiatrist was unprofessional and that i was reporting them. I would be dealing with that separately. Some could say that was manipulative behaviour on the sw's part. To be seen as the saviour. You have insight into this, however, you are in a vulnerable state.

Great post *paddy&

paddy

He said that about the psychiatrist because my ex psychiatrist asked if I had naked photos of myself he had to report it but he didn’t push me to take action unless I wanted to which I decided I didn’t want to do because I felt uncomfortable with the idea of bringing attention upon myself it would make me uncomfortable and I didn’t want the extra drama

Plus he found me a new psychiatrist in the process so I would no longer have to see him because what he said was highly inappropriate my social worker is the exact opposite he was just trying to protect me and his other clients their watching him now to make sure he isn’t inappropriate with someone else because they can’t do anything else unless I press charges and the thought of that gives me anxiety

Good grief, what sort of service is this?! 🤦🏽‍♀️

US professional standards must be very different to ours in the U.K 🙄

I'm a therapist and he is being completely unprofessional and inappropriate. He needs to manage his own stuff better so he doesn't blur boundaries with clients, which he is doing with you.

You shouldn't know that he has a fiancé, cries in supervision or any f that stuff. Honestly, he sounds like a mess and a disaster waiting to happen.

And as for the psychiatrist, I'd report that myself if I were you, don't rely on mr knight in shining armour to do it on your behalf.

If he's any good at his job he will be well aware of exactly how you feel, even if you haven't explicitly said so. It sounds to me as though he is allowing himself to be seduced by your erotic transference and, if true, this can only lead to a bad place.

Also, a social worker with a CBT qualification will no nothing of transference and how to manage it as transference is a psychodynamic concept and CBT pays no attention to that sort of thing. So he won't be a 'proper' therapist in that sense.

• know nothing even!

But if that were true why would he tell me eventually our sessions would end if he is reciprocating what I’m feeling wouldn’t he want the sessions continue as long as possible to see me that doesn’t make sense to me

It's not up to him how long the sessions last for. You'll get a certain amount and that will be it.

We haven’t done cbt because I’ve had to do more talk therapy because of the tragedy that recently happened in my family he offered to do it when I’m ready and he wants to do art therapy because he knows I like to write poetry it’s therapeutic for me and one of the healthy ways I deal with the feelings or emotions I have to contend with on a regular basis

He just knows how to do cbt I just am not at that point because I’ve had to express my emotional pain at the recent loss of my younger brother

So he's working in a way he's not trained in and has no idea about?