Narcissistic Ex

[CupcakeBabaPoo]

This is really outing to anyone who knows me but I'm passed tired and need a hand hold.

Met a lovely new man, or so I thought. Within days I was being 'love bombed'. He was telling me he loved me, wanted to spend Christmas together etc.

A week ago a lady contacted me. Turned out she was his girlfriend and he had lied. I had no idea about her. I foolishly gave him another go even though he grabbed my phone off me and upset DS by shouting at us.

On Sunday he spat in my face, grabbed me by the throat and held a knife at me. This was after a day of arguing where I thought I had managed to end it. He came crawling back.

This week he's been lying about everything. He then turns it all on me and says I need help. I felt like I was going mad.

I ended it today but he wouldn't return my house key so rang the police. I have made a statement about the above and some other incidents but now his ex is accusing me of talking to him as she is getting hassled and he is still texting me. I just want this to end. No idea what I'm posting for.

Im sorry you're going through this. I dated a narc once.

Keep records of EVERYTHING so you have proof. Keep communication open and honest with the police. DO NOT GO BACK. The girlfriend is not your problem, add her to your reports if her actions are making the situation worse. Protect yourself and your DS. Do not get sucked in. Repeat 'he is a liar, he is a liar' and remind yourself constantly that he HELD A KNIFE TO YOU! What if that was to DS?

I feel for you OP, I hope you are ok 💜

He's been ringing me all night. Saying I ruined his life by making a statement. When I don't answer he just rings again.

I rang the police again who weren't interested.

He's in the military so I rang his boss to make him stop and he just had a go at me.

I'm lost. I'm withdrawing my statement tomorrow. I've told him that and he's finally left me alone.

Have you changed your locks?

No. I haven't had chance yet. I will be tomorrow.

I wish I'd never made a statement and I just want to withdraw it. No one believes me and I look like an idiot. I have told him I will withdraw it so he leaves me alone and he's stopped contacting me now. At last.

I can't sleep.

No he ruined his life by assaulting you. Don’t let him pin this on you.

Turn off your phone. Get some rest

Tomorrow block him on everything and change your locks.

I will do all of that, thank you. I just want to withdraw my statement. Can I do that?

I can't believe this has happened. I just want to move on with my life.

Call Womens Aid in the morning for advice tel:0808 2000 247

Firstly I am so sorry that you are having to cope with this but well done for actually giving the police a statement as whatever happens, you have begun the evidence train. So, so important. As to if you can withdraw it? I think so but am not an expert there.

Rainbowqueeen has it absolutely. Full NC and get the locks changed pronto. But I would also add, if you can, try to get away for a few days. A change of scenery might work wonders on you getting your strength back. There are good reasons for this. The first is that it will be a breath of fresh air. The second is that as a natural consequence of the love bomb you have decribed apart from manipulating you, it also has a very nasty side effect. It's called 'the mix'.

The mix is a consequence of how you were seduced. The mix involves all five senses. So it's a combination of;

Physical items/mementos - sight and touch
Fragrances/aromas - smell
Music/video - sight and hearing
Food and drink - taste

Finally the more esoteric...

Memories

You don;t say how long you were with this piece of scum for. But how long was your golden time? i.e the time when everything was all roses? But during that time, all of the above were building up. Some Ns are better at this than others are. It all depends. But I would hazard a guess that where you live would have a number of these items about. So getting away from it, even for a few days will lessen the effect the mix will have. Activating the mix also activates the desire to reutn to the golden time and that's why it's so dangerous.

I really hope this helps. and please do PM me if you need me.

Don't withdraw your statement. You've told him you have and leave it as that. Change your locks and your number today, do not put it off. As a PP said can you maybe stay with a family or friend for a couple of days for things to calm down and for you to clear your head.

Thank you all. I am really struggling today.
I have added to my statement with the harassment from last night and I have found a blanket covered in blood from when he wouldn't stop having sex with me and made me bleed.

I don't feel like the police are taking it seriously and I am petrified of him. When he kept ringing me last night they didn't care.

You can get a harassment order out on him. The police are usually very helpful in these cases (now) so I’m surprised. Have they given you a specialist sargeant for your case.
Narcissist will do anything to destroy you if you try and get away. I know the feeling that if you dropped the case it will all go away and be fine, but it won’t. The only way to stop this man harassing you is to carry on with the police route.
Say to the police that he’s harassing you and you want to take out an injunction.

Thank you. I really think that will be it now. Can't see him contacting me again but I have never dealt with a narcissist before. I am just in shock and can't get my head around it.

Fucking hell OP. Just read your 'blanket' post.

OK. That is evidence of sorts. What you are now going into is rape. It is rape OP. I am so, so sorry. Sending massive [hugs] x

I don't feel like the police are taking it seriously and I am petrified of him. When he kept ringing me last night they didn't care.

It's not that they don't care. They do. They are seeing it all the time and they are powerless to stop it.

Holdingonbarely Really not sure where you are getting your legal advice from but it's very simple. An injunction against another person is a civil matter and does not involve the police at all.

Word on the street is that 'injunctions are worthless'. You might as well set fire to a grand then throw the ashes in a bin for all the good they do. As told to me by a copper. There is obviously the psychological aspect to this but I doubt if it would deter a determined Narc tbh.

What I would suggest is this. If you feel you have been raped and if you feel you can do this, report the rape itself. I guarantee you will be taken seriously and it would not surprise me if your case is immediately transferred to CID and a trained rape officer. Ignore everything else is my advice, as shocking as it is. Go for the big one. Then build the case around the physical violence.

As always, I'm here to help x

@Renarde1975
Sorry I am using the wrong phrasing. Whatever the police use as the same thing.

Thank you again. I mentioned the sex thing in my statement. He used to finish but carry on going - the police officer didn't want to put it in my statement but I asked him to. Can I push for that to be raised further? He used to hurt me so I would pull away but he didn't stop. The blanket is disgusting but I am so glad I found it.

I just don't know what to do.

What you are describing is more than a narcissist. He sounds pychopathic.

I just feel sick.

Do not withdraw your statement, he will thinknit is ok to treat you like shit next time too if you withdraw.

Tell him your phone broke an get yourself what we call a “dickhead phone” a basic phone that is just for him, you can turn it off and check it just or the police.

Report everything, keep records, change your locks, google an app called Hollie Guard and set it up for some safety outside the home. If this continues or the girlfriend gives u grief apply for a non molestation order, you don’t need a solicitor To do this.

Take care of yourself, you are not to blame at all for his behaviour, he is a twat! Sending hugs x

I can't thank you all enough.

I haven't withdrawn the statement and he has been interviewed now but I have no idea of the outcome. CID are going to interview him separately about the other stuff.

I know it will go nowhere and I'm worried that will just give him a green light to continue. It didn't stop him last night. He's on guard tonight so won't be drinking so I am hoping he will have lost interest by tomorrow.

Can you go and stay with a relative/friend??? Change the routine for the next week, file for a non- molestation order and do not commmunicate with him at all, if he phoned you ignore it, if he turns up call the police and do not open your door.

Well done for not withdrawing your statement I know it’s really hard, you do not deserve any of this and I hope he is charged for the offenses he has committed, stay safe OP x

Still not heard anything from the police about what happened with his interview or whether they have my key back. I just feel like I've wasted their time.

Of course you're not wasting their time, he was violent.

Please see your GP too get any physical abuse recorded if knife marks still on throat. They should be offering extra police protection surely esp with knife attack and child their? Oh OP I hope this vile evil creature is put away but please get away stay safe for you and your child

I've got pictures of the bruises which the police have taken. He bit my bloody neck like a school child!!!
Still no update but the DV officer who was helping me with the Clare's law app has text me some advice. I just feel let down.

Contact Women's Aid and get some support. Victim's support should help too. Phone the police to ask about the key. Do you have extra security to stop him entering if he has it still? If not try to get the police to do something or get an emergency locksmith round.
You can also get CTV etc if he remains a threat (as well as injunction). Women's Aid can certainly advise.