3 years ago I chucked my dp of 20 years out our home. He'd been cheating on most of our relationship.
He regrets it big time and would give anything to come back. We had a wonderful life, amazing kids, beautiful kids and fantastic holidays and mind blowing sex. But he's fucked up and still needed constant reassurance from various fat ugly bitches.
Anyway after some sly misdealings I managed to get various hard evidence as proof of his infidelity. I kept it to myself for days deciding what to do. I decided I could forgive him as long as he came clean and admitted he had a problem. I loved this man, I thought he was my soul made and always had my back.
Long and short he vehemently denied despite me throwing evidence in his face and I chucked him out.
He destroyed me. He broke me. I kept going for the kids. I felt my whole life with him was a lie. I felt naive and stupid and it broke me. Broke me into tiny little pieces.
He quickly found someone else, a woman who's son raped his sister (her daughter) and moved in with her. This woman doesn't work and lives in a large 3 bedroomed house so must have been rubbing her hands in glee when my ex moved in.
Sorry that was a long long back story. But I'm still so so so so fucking angry with him. He pays maintenance, more than CSA would award but less than he can afford. There is so much more to this story but suffice to say I now have 2 jobs and have 2 lodgers to help me get out the financial mess he's left me and the kids.
I can't move on lovely mumsnetters, I can't move on from this rage and bitterness. My mum had similar and I think it killed her she was so bitter. I don't want to be like that.
I don't want to be that woman that says all men are wankers. Despite the fact that my one and only bf since breaking up ended up being a two timing wanker. There's a good thread on It that might make ya giggle. Where I set up the bf with a blind date!
Please help me I don't know what to do to get rid of this bitterness. I've just sent him a long bitter text asking for his maintenance for this month. I think he loves the control, the only control he has over me.
I hate him for destroying the good life we had, I hate him for the danger he pits my kids in every time they stay over at that hell house. I just want him to die and I need some help to stop feeling such hatred.