Why has new guy gone from all over me to nothing

[dressup]

Been seeing guy for few months now he chased like mad and up until week ago was messaging every morning, through out day, evening etc basically he could get enough of me.

Noticed last week that he slowed down, wouldn’t reply to messages for ages despite being online etc... casually asked he said stressed with work all cool

We spent last Saturday together all great and when I went home he messaged within 10 minutes of me leaving asking if I was ok, said he thought I seemed bit strange before I left.. I said sorry if I made him think that all fine and I was just concerned about time as I had sitter etc... all fine again and on the Sunday he turned up at my place of work to eat alone when I was on shift. That evening through texts he says that he feels like it’s always him starting sex etc & sex talk and wants me to led more, I say ok fine but for me it’s early days only slept together few times and we are still getting to know each other/likes etc. He says he won’t be the one starting anything again.

Monday messsging is again reduced and blunt one word answers

Get to my Tuesday and again he doesn’t contact me as usual I decide life’s to short for game play playing so message saying morning, exchange couple of messages and I ask if he would like to do something this week, he says yes! Arrange for Wednesday, again that evening he mentions how he wants me to lead more and start the sexing message

Again I tell him I’ve noticed he’s been off with me and very blunt and to me it’s early days and it’s all about sex and I’m actually feeling like he isn’t interested anymore

He says I’m totally wrong and he’s just worried he’s coming across like a sex pest and that’s why he’s backed off to let me lead etc and it’s not all just about sex and if he didn’t like me he wouldn’t lead me on.

So messages flowing yesterday and lots of sexy talk, she him last night, have sex etc I tried to bring up change in his behaviour over last week and he brushed it aside saying I’m reading to much into it. All was fine during the evening though to me he seemed bit offish when I left. And since then I haven’t heard anything.... which isn’t a problem only 21 hours but it’s the change in behaviour that’s bugging me... for last 2 months I’ve had good morning messages etc.

Another thing I have noticed is he asks nothing about me at all and doesn’t offer info about himself, if I ask then he answerers (I asked if he had siblings etc last night)

I should say he is quite a shy guy and a private person and definitely more confident over text than in person

But am I reading to much into this? I’m starting to think for him it’s just about sex even though he says it’s not!

Men have gone cold on me and pulled away around this time before. What worked for me was to cool off too and not make contact if you can. That way if they still like you they can make the effort. Be careful though as his behavior seems like a red flag of someone high maintenance to me.

Bollocks. He's obsessed with sex and wants you to sext him all the time.

And when you haven't because you know, you might fancy a chat about the weather - he's thrown his toys out the pram.

He so clearly just wants sex.

He sounds like hard work.

Trying to coerce you into sexting yuk. I hate sexting, it's cringe and frankly, I'm too busy.

As is often but quite rightly stated on MN, it shouldn't be this hard this early on. I would go further than that and say it shouldn't EVER be this hard.

Another thing I have noticed is he asks nothing about me at all and doesn’t offer info about himself, if I ask then he answerers (I asked if he had siblings etc last night)

Bit odd that you don't know that about him after months of dating? Do you think maybe it's all about sex for him and that's why he's getting stand offish etc?

You've been seeing a guy for a few months now but only just last night asked if had brothers and sisters? Wow, you guys didn't really do a lot of talking did you! Not being funny, but you hardly know the guy.
Seems all he wants from you is sex and for someone to be sexting him messages all the time telling him how much they want him. As soon as you stop doing that and start trying to have an actual person to person conversation, suddenly he can't commit to that.

Sorry OP but it sounds like he was after sex and resting on tap and now he's worked out that's not happening he can't be bothered to play nice.
Sounds a bit like he's only a frequent texter when you're playing into the sex stuff really or being suggestive, which says it all. Especially when you're a) noticing he make a no effort to get to know you otherwise, and b) shuts it down when you try to make it more meaningful with him.

What he says about liking you and being interested etc aren't likely to be true if he's not following up on those things in his behaviours. Actions make a relationship, not words. Don't let him make you think if you play along with the sex you'll get more from him- it's grim.

In any case I couldn't be bothered with him being off all the time, don't get drawn in OP.

I agree with previous pps who say it's all about sex and sexting. He doesn't seem to want to get to know you as a person - just as a sex toy. Sorry

Based on what you're saying it just doesn't feel right. Shy guy, not forthcoming with personal info, but fully comfortable with all things x-rated. Blows hot and cold... Whatever he is he is NOT a "normal", straightforward guy who you're getting to know in the way these things usually progress. If it were me I wouldn't want to know any more about him tbh. Bad vibes.

Stay far
Don't rest him
Who knows your sexts might go public
So protect yourself
If you want to have sex fair enough go and have sex (initiate if you want etc) snd enjoy it but make sure there are no records of your sex sessions and no sexts whatsoever. IMHO if you want a mature real deep relationship he is not the right guy...sorry my post does not answer to your specific worries. ..good luck!

Don't sext* him

It doesn't sound like he wants a girlfriend he wants a highly charged fuck buddy aka friend with benefits. If he was really interested in you it wouldn't be so focused on sex, having fun and getting to know each other would be playing a bigger part. The 'need' for you to keep sexting would really grate on me, it should be spontaneous not because you're being asked to do it. If it all feels a bit forced then I would let this one go.

Thanks for replies I've made it clear from start I'm not just looking for sex and he's chased me for 5 weeks before our first date and we've had dinners etc but I don't want to get in habit of just going to his.

I won't text him at all at start of week was feeling anxious about it and worrying now I'm much more calm and willing to let him make his intentions clear... I'm not interested in his words I want actions, arranging dates etc

You know are in a relationship when... it's not about sex. Love is so much more.

For a lot of men the thrill of the chase still exists (hate that term seems so outdated). I was pursued relentlessly by a guy and the ego boost it gave me was amazing. He also was very sexual and loved sexting, building up to dates with lots of talk about what we would do to each other etc etc...we also did go on dates but the relationship was very focused on the sex. I'm talking marathon sex sessions. After five months he just went cold and dropped me. I think he'd had his fill of fun with me and was on to his 'next'.

I think he liked the chase and just wanted sex. If he is being this sulky already, I’d put an end to things and consider yourself well rid of him.

Tbh I wouldn't even be waiting to see if he puts words into actions

I don't think he's interested

He's just worried he's coming across as a sex pest

Well tbh he sounds like that's exactly what he is! He's sounds like a bit of a jerk tbh.
He's trying his damnedest to get you to do what he wants all of the time
He just wants you sexting and him getting off on it.
Then sex when you get together. Even though you have already told him that is not what you want!

Actions speak louder than words OP and his actions are not that of someone who has much respect for you.

Don't waste your valuable time on him. Find someone who treats you with respect.

It's all sounding a bit too uphill to me. I'm not sure you're a match. I'm also sensing 'red flags'. Please don't be pressured into behaving in any ways which are uncomfortable to you.

This happens to me all the time. I cool off too. Which means at least you have your dignity but cooling off is no magic formula. Also, later, you realise that it would all have been far too much like hard work.

Men often project some fantasy on to you then when it starts dawing on them that you're a real person, and more to the point a person who knows them well enough to know they're no fantasy man, they disappear.

Literally. Every. Time. Weird. I never date anymore. Always leads back to the same place so have no motivation to date.

Also, his message makes no sense. He's backong off so you don't think he's a sex pest. Why doesn't he just not be a sex pest so that you don't think he's a sex pest.

Bollocks. He's obsessed with sex and wants you to sext him all the time.

And when you haven't because you know, you might fancy a chat about the weather - he's thrown his toys out the pram

He so clearly just wants sex.

This...

All he wants is a fuck buddy. Have enough sense to move on.

I could be wrong but I am getting bad vibes he is recording you having sex at his place without you knowing.

Whaaat? That's a bit of a leap shinesweet! He just sounds like a sex pest to me, delete and move on.

He is a sex pest. A gaslighting manipulative sex pest.