Why has new guy gone from all over me to nothing

[dressup]

Been seeing guy for few months now he chased like mad and up until week ago was messaging every morning, through out day, evening etc basically he could get enough of me.

Noticed last week that he slowed down, wouldn’t reply to messages for ages despite being online etc... casually asked he said stressed with work all cool

We spent last Saturday together all great and when I went home he messaged within 10 minutes of me leaving asking if I was ok, said he thought I seemed bit strange before I left.. I said sorry if I made him think that all fine and I was just concerned about time as I had sitter etc... all fine again and on the Sunday he turned up at my place of work to eat alone when I was on shift. That evening through texts he says that he feels like it’s always him starting sex etc & sex talk and wants me to led more, I say ok fine but for me it’s early days only slept together few times and we are still getting to know each other/likes etc. He says he won’t be the one starting anything again.

Monday messsging is again reduced and blunt one word answers

Get to my Tuesday and again he doesn’t contact me as usual I decide life’s to short for game play playing so message saying morning, exchange couple of messages and I ask if he would like to do something this week, he says yes! Arrange for Wednesday, again that evening he mentions how he wants me to lead more and start the sexing message

Again I tell him I’ve noticed he’s been off with me and very blunt and to me it’s early days and it’s all about sex and I’m actually feeling like he isn’t interested anymore

He says I’m totally wrong and he’s just worried he’s coming across like a sex pest and that’s why he’s backed off to let me lead etc and it’s not all just about sex and if he didn’t like me he wouldn’t lead me on.

So messages flowing yesterday and lots of sexy talk, she him last night, have sex etc I tried to bring up change in his behaviour over last week and he brushed it aside saying I’m reading to much into it. All was fine during the evening though to me he seemed bit offish when I left. And since then I haven’t heard anything.... which isn’t a problem only 21 hours but it’s the change in behaviour that’s bugging me... for last 2 months I’ve had good morning messages etc.

Another thing I have noticed is he asks nothing about me at all and doesn’t offer info about himself, if I ask then he answerers (I asked if he had siblings etc last night)

I should say he is quite a shy guy and a private person and definitely more confident over text than in person

But am I reading to much into this? I’m starting to think for him it’s just about sex even though he says it’s not!

So now there’s pressure on you to sext and initiate. I wouldn’t like his complaints about that.

It sounds like he was all fired up about the sex but that’s all he wanted so is cooling off now.

Don’t know what you have been talking about if you don’t know if he has siblings or not after 3 months. Oh yes, sex!

Life is way to short for this kind of crap.
He's sounds like an utter knob.
Time to move on OP.

Just bin him.

Omg sounds exactly like my situatuion his name doesnt start with N does it?

Well update is I haven't heard a thing from his since I left Wednesday night... so very out of character considering he was overly keen for months.

Part of me want to message something like... guessing I'm now getting the silent treatment 🤷‍♀️ but wondering if I'm better not to as I will see him (due to my work) I want to at least keep my dignity

I wouldn't bother dressup, like you say hold your head up and move on

Trinity66 I know you right... I just love the last word

I know its tempting but but the best and most cutting last word is silence..it is hard not though :p

Yep. He's just much more into sex than you are. Nothing wrong with that really but you don't seem that compatible.

Drop him like a hot brick. Do not contact him. Red flags all over this. Nice men don’t act like this.

I know your all right and I won't... guess just feeling like he's won because it's him that went silent first

I know it’s annoying but he would enjoy you texting and view it as interest. Switch off from him and think of it as a lucky mistake. Nothing good would have come of it. If you bump into him through work I’d be breezy, happy but utterly detached. Don’t reply to any messages. He’s clearly a twat.

You’ve won cos you’ve found out what he’s really like a few months in instead of wasting years on him!

Trust me, any peep from you will just feed his ego. It won’t be you getting the last word in, it won’t feel good, it’ll just show him you’re invested enough to still be thinking about him. Don’t degrade yourself.

Silence from now on. He’ll message eventually prob looking for more sex, don’t reply. Ghost him basically. Take comfort from knowing that no matter what he says or does from now on he won’t hear another word from you.

He was trying to train you into being overtly sexual btw and seeking his approval by being way more sexual than feels natural to you, he was probably getting off on it. All of this being a sex pest then explicitly telling you he was backing off for you to pick it up, bleh. In a normal new relationship this stuff comes naturally and you don’t verbally tell a new partner to ‘take the lead on sexting and initiating’, if you wanted to do that naturally you’d be doing it already so it just shows it’s all about him. You’re well rid.

You have been winning from the start because you are you - a human being with feelings and intelligence and he is just a 'dick' ....and as the ladies around said: remember it is a lucky escape...it is not easy but keep reminding all that. ..I believe it is a bit awkward when you meet up for work... (who has a superior position? ) hands holding..

OP... he won nothing... he didn't get what he sought from you... YOU won and still have your dignity...

He's not won anything here, you're equally not texting him.

Relationships shouldn't be this hard, not at the beginning. He wants you to be some sort of full on sex addict, constantly trying to turn him on and throw yourself at him, and he's not interested in you if you're not. So just steer clear, he's odd.

Yeah, he's way too much hard work. He wants everything to be done his way, he wants sex and sexting but he wants you to be the one to initiate it, he can't even be bothered to treat you civilly when you don't "obey". Be glad he's gone quiet - he's only saved you a job.

Not exactly the same but I posted a similar thread the other day about a guy I had been seeing for 2 months. Met online, he chased, was full on straight away with planning dates, weekends away, coming round to mine in the week and staying over, etc. We spend the weekend together last weekend, went out for the day on sunday, had a lovely time then he came round as planned on tues evening but came round with the sole intention of ending things. He said he felt the spark had gone (since 2 days before!), something wasn't quite right but that he was really sorry and as he left he had tears in his eyes (I didn't!).

I had a couple of messages later that evening saying things along the lines of "you're great, you are a great catch for a lucky guy", etc (puke) so i told him they were crappy things to say.

Like I say, not exactly the same situation as you but I understand the frustration with them being super keen then cold as ice. Relationships (men) are just too complicated for me these days. My ex was a cheating knob but I miss being married sometimes!

I think you just have to keep your dignity (as I am trying to do with what's left) and hope he realises he made a big mistake but by that point you will realise you did too!

Your all right, some huge red flags and really silky behaviour because he's not getting he's sexual wants filled constantly.

It's hard because part of me does want to say something today... but I won't!

For the poster that asked he is a customer in my work place, I work in a hospitality role

I'm a guy and this guy sounds like a twat. Sorry.

Relationship good: Consistent messages in a routine way, both partners happy

Relationship bad: Spasmodic messages in fits and starts, game playing

I'm not getting positive vibes from your posts.

He sounds completely off to me.

Why is he using sex like this, like a bargaining chip? He makes me feel creepy just reading about him.

The way he said he won't instigate any sexual texts anymore unless you start, but then tells you you have to start. It just seems weird.

If I were you, well I wouldn't be with him, but I would cool off with sex and sexts (you really shouldn't do that with just anyone, and no pics unless you want them leaked) and get to know him, the actual person, not just about him sexually.

I agree with the poster who said he was trying to train you.

He's tried to bring you back in line by pulling back and making you want to please him, but you haven't been a compliant little woman so he's pulled back completely.

He'll go looking for someone whose strings he CAN pull now. Don't you dare text him, take your strings well out of his reach!

is he an aquarius? this is what they do

What has he won though? By not talking first? Why do you need to be the one to fall silent first? It's petty compared to what could result from this.

If anything, he's given you a gift. Take it with both hands and run and don't turn back to him.

Of you text to say something and he ignores it you will always feel rubbish.
Stay strong and don't text. It's easy for him it seems.
Carry on with life and let that one go