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Original poster

How many hours a week does your husband work?

103 replies

AlpineButterfly · 07/10/2018 18:54

Feeling a bit blue this evening. Managed a day with DH and ds1&2. The next day isn't for ages.

How many hours does your DH work/be unavailable for and how do you cope if you have small ones?

OP posts:
FormerlyFrikadela01 · 07/10/2018 19:29

We both officially work 37.5 hours a week in the NHS (reality is more). We work opposite shifts for childcare reasons.

We can go weeks (7week is the most) without a single day off together. If one is on nights then we see each other for less than 30 minutes a day. It sucks and our relationship does suffer. We're changing shift patterns in December so will get at least 1 day a week together but hopefully more.

I think I struggle with it more than he does becasue we live near his family so he can see them on his days off. I get pretty isolated sometimes.

Stroller15 · 07/10/2018 19:31

This is a good thread, thank you OP. It's nice to hear about other people's lives and that I'm not alone in this. DH works 45 hours, all nights so it's me, a toddler and newborn. I feel quite lonely and even resentful if I'm honest sitting at home every weekend but know he has to work.

Ofchris · 07/10/2018 19:32

I feel lucky reading pp. We both have flexible full time middle management level roles so manage pick ups and drop offs between us and pick up from school (rather than after school club) one night each a week. Weekends are always work free although I have to do some work from home in the evenings sometimes. But we prioritise time outside work as family time.

Original poster
AlpineButterfly · 07/10/2018 19:36

How do those of you with absent husband's manage?

DH has two days off this month and has the boys 4.30-6.30 in the afternoon to spend time with them Mon-fri (I work Monday-wednesday evenings).

I usually go to bed before DH finishes.

I'm tired and miss my husband. It won't change for a while but I just need to cope.

For full disclosure, boys are 21m and 9m

OP posts:
Babyshark2018 · 07/10/2018 19:38

He leave the house as 7 most days and will be back before 5. Sometimes earlier or later depending on meetings. We’re lucky his commute is only 15 minutes.

He used to work nearly 80 (yes really!) hours per week but he made a career change. It’s not worth it otherwise. Although he actually gets double the money for half the hours having switched to a more office based role. It is true that no one dies wishing they worked more.

I have a few friends who feel like single Mums because their partners work so much. I’m glad we made the change or I don’t think our relationship would have survived.

ShutUpBaz · 07/10/2018 19:38

DH work 50-60 hours as shifts. Has every Sunday off though.
I work 40-45 mostly school hours, one late night a week and have every other Sunday off. We don't need couldnt afford paid childcare so we have to work around each other. One day a fortnight, sometimes less is precious.

Ellieboolou27 · 07/10/2018 19:44

70 hours on average, around 20 hours of that are commuting as we live quite rural. Monday - Friday

puzzledlady · 07/10/2018 19:46

Works for himself so whatever hours he wants - I work more than he does. He Travels overseas though fron time to time. A trip to Asia could wipe out 2-3 weeks. Trip to America one week etc etc.

Dychmygol · 07/10/2018 19:49

DH works a 30 week but occasionally opts for on call overtime. I work 35 hours. We seem to have a good family/work life balance

ovendoor · 07/10/2018 19:51

He does 40 I do 35.
His are shifts, mainly nights, which can be hard as it does get quite lonely and took some adjusting to initially.

greendale17 · 07/10/2018 19:52

35

missyB1 · 07/10/2018 19:55

Dh is a hospital Doctor, works average of 60 hours a week. On calls are on top of that.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 07/10/2018 19:57

He leaves at 7.15am and gets home around 5pm. 2hrs of his day is spent commuting, because he happily moved with me back to my hometown. And he has NEVER complained! I love him for that.

Aragog · 07/10/2018 19:57

Dh leaves hone at 7:45am, with dd - he drops her at school on his way. He gets back home around 7pm. He only works Monday to Friday though, and has six weeks holiday, plus bank holidays. And he rarely brings work home.

DD's a teen now but he's done similar hours for years, and has pretty much always done the morning drop off since she was at nursery. I've always worked at least part time, and full time pretty much since she was in juniors. Though I work school term times mainly.

It works for us (worked when you get) but we only have one child, and We do make sure that time when he's home it's family time.

WipsGlitter · 07/10/2018 19:57

Technically 9-5. Really he's in work for 8 leaves at 5.30. Starts work again about 7 and works to 10. Does a good few hours (at least 10) at the weekend too.

I think he's mad.

thisismadness77 · 07/10/2018 19:58

About 20 over 3 days, school hours.

Littleelffriend · 07/10/2018 19:58

We work together he does full time 37.5 I do 4 days. Leave at 7.15 home by 5. But he also works away for weeks at a time so I have to be able to do nursery drop off and pick up

Thebluedog · 07/10/2018 19:59

65 to 75 a week

2am up, 3pm start, home by about 5pm, then early bed and sometimes he works on a Saturday

CherryPavlova · 07/10/2018 19:59

When they were little he worked about 70-75 hours and still has 24 hour responsibility for his organisation, so is always contactable.

As a mother I only worked part-time and we made sure we had good nanny’s/mothers help. I was also ferociously organised and had six full sets of school/nursery uniform for each child ready to put on. Meals were a three week rolling menu with online shopping when it was introduced. No fussy eating or not sleeping permitted after the first. Strong evening routine.

When he was away speaking at or attending conferences, we all went too so he could see the children in between sessions. I planned the days so we had a full agenda of lovely visits around the country as well as getting lots of conference freebies and eating conference buffets. The children were excited by the hotels and days out - Ironbridge, Harrogate, Black Country museum, Morwhellam, Blists Hill, Wimpole etc. They have very happy memories and were very proud of their father because they understood what he was doing.

In the day jobs we went to visit him after school, arranged for things like the dance lessons to be moved to his premises and used his facilities such as swimming pools etc.

We worked hard at including him in parenting within his long hours. Not always easy but we’ll worth the effort.

Fishcakey · 07/10/2018 20:01

Officially 40 but usually 60 odd including Saturdays. He likes it though! Luckily DS is 13 and doesn't take much looking after these days!

Fishcakey · 07/10/2018 20:02

Forgot to say I work 40 but the nature of my job means I always walk out and shut the door at 5pm

chocolatelover9 · 07/10/2018 20:05

My partner works 5/6 days a week. Starts at around 9.30am so leaves earlier to get train and can work up until 7pm then doesn't come through the door till around 8.30pm. Our DD is 17 months old. I either go out to town and do abit of shopping with her, go to park, soft play, library or go down my parents for the day.

NoParticularPattern · 07/10/2018 20:05

Husband is a farmer so technically 24/7 but if I work out the hours he actually is outside working it’s at least 70 a week. Actually it must be more- 10 hours of milking and feeding the animals every single day is the absolute bare minimum and doesn’t include all the extras like getting the silage in, bedding them up, working land etc. I hate to think what hours he would work in the middle of summer Confused

We have one DD (8mo) and I’m a SAHM. We couldn’t ever afford childcare to allow me to work and we don’t have family who could help either.

PippaRabbit · 07/10/2018 20:14

70 hours most weeks and he's been doing these hours since our children were born. I knew what he wanted his career to be when I met him and the hours weren't a surprise. I didn't work until the youngest was 8 as I ran the house and organised the children. I then went to Uni and taught for many years although I've recently given up work again and run my own business at home. Our children are grown up now and 2 are now in the same field as DH. DH was a hands on dad and did his share in the house when his hours allowed.

Want2bSupermum · 07/10/2018 20:25

DH is away a lot. I run the household. I have two sitters who help around school hours and a housekeeper. I also work FT.

It's exhausting because I have 2 DC who have high functioning autism. I'm always following up with school, therapists or the health insurance company.

It's tiring but it works. I do a good mix of things with the kids. This weekend we decorated the front of the house for Halloween which involved going to the shop after church to buy a couple of decorations to add to what we already have. Yesterday was a tidy day and I took the kids for a play date in the park.

I have a couple of friends who are single parents and I'm very supportive of them. It's one thing to be on your own with the DC but at the end of the day I speak with DH and share the struggles with him. Single parenting must be so lonely and stressful for those who don't have strong support networks.