What should I think when he says...

[Sundaybluez]

"I don't want a relationship" (which is fine and I am not looking for a conventional relationship either) but his actions seem to be very....relationshippy? He's very warm, affectionate, has invited me to go away with him, is in contact a lot.
I don't know him well at all yet so difficult to know if this is just the way he is.

I once started dating a guy who said that he didn't want a relationship or a girlfriend. I'm now married to him.

His excuse for saying this was that it was a defence mechanism because he had been hurt in the past by previous girlfriends.

Ad say if it's not broke don't fix it. If yous are "commited" to one another. Ie he's not seeing anyone else then keep seeing him. That's my own personal experience though

Man, you guys are a conservative bunch.

@Sundaybluez

He sounds like a courteous, well balanced gentleman who is fit, gives good sex, and tries to be a decent human being to you all day long.

I understand it's nearly unbelievable that you've met someone like that who shares the same goal as you, which is to not be tied down to a conventional relationship.

I'd say go with the flow, chill, relax, and genuinely just say exactly what you feel like and what you want to do when you're with him. Drop every shield, don't play any games, don't look for any hidden meaning behind anything he says. Take everything 100% at face value, and give him everything at 100% face value too.

It'll either work or it won't, but it sounds like you're both extremely happy, so keep doing what you're doing! Good luck!

OP I was seeing a guy who didn’t want a relationship. We went on to see each other exclusively for almost a year. It suited me that we were exclusive, had fun every week, that we could talk about anything and everything. I met his friends and some of his family. I was pretty secure with us to be honest. A relaxed easygoing relationship and no pressure. After a year he ended it saying guess what??? He didn’t want a relationship!! Turns out he’d already lined up his next woman who he’s still with now. In my case I think it gave him a’get out of jail free’ card when he came out with ‘but I made it clear from the start...’ It hurt, A LOT. It came from nowhere and I was completely blindsided. I’d never trust a man who said that to me now. I’d never feel secure

Jk - I’m sorry you were let down but you’re missing the point. OP is herself saying she doesn’t want a “relationship”, so..... yeah whatever.

Neither of you want a relationship but you are both most definitely in one! :)

I think you should talk to him, but tell him what you want & then see how he feels about that. Something like ‘I love what we have now & for the foreseeable future this is as much as I want. However, I do want us to be exclusive, I don’t do sharing. If you want to be free to see, or have sex with, other people then I’d rather call it a day’

That sucks jk and I'm also sorry you were let down.

Just enjoy the good sex and the good company without any drama or pressure. Sounds bloody fantastic.

Maybe he will meet the love of his life, decide he does want to commit after all and dump you. Maybe you will do the same. Who knows? Does it matter?

I'd not say a word. Enjoy it being exactly what you need right now and what he needs right now. It might last a week or decade like this. If you are both happy so what?

Is this how healthy relationships start.
Easy going, good fun, no pressure.

I always found telling a man 'I'm looking for a serious relationship ' was the fastest way to scare him off.

If he starts mucking you around
That's different but what you're got sounds great.

It's not like your child bearing days are disappearing fast and you're desperate for a baby.

Good luck x

@cottontailrabbit spot on! There are no guarantees in life so just enjoy it for what it is.

OP if the super hot man that does diy doesn’t work out, send him my way 😂

Good reminder that there are no guarantees in life about anyone at all, no matter what they say or do. I was married to what I thought was the man of my dreams and he turned out to be a lying wanker!

Wise words @Sethis

Seems to me that having regular sex exclusively with one person actually is a relationship.
But others may define the word differently of course.

OP I think it sounds great. What feelings do you get from him during sex etc? Does he give you the impression he's in love or is it just fun? I think mens demeanour/general behaviour during sex varies depending on whether they have love/feelings or you're just a hook up.

I don't think there's a need to label the 'relationship' even in a marriage either party can leave, labels just create pressure. Let it carry on and see where you go.

Interesting question @Sadli because we went away for the weekend and there was a definite change in his demeanour during/after sex, he was very cuddly and kissy and I sensed that loved up vibe coming from him. I still really don't want this to go down the traditional "relationship" route but as a pp pointed out it is a relationship of some kind already, whether I like it or not.

That's exciting OP. I would definitely go with the flow. It sounds like he's a great guy and you like him. It sounds like he may be falling for you, which could be good if you still enjoy being with him. If you're getting the loved up vibe during and after sex then it's most likely true.