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Original poster

Weird/good (!!) first date - chalk it up to experience?

68 replies

RubyN · 06/10/2018 00:45

I'm feeling sad after a first date although I was feeling so good about it hours ago!!

I asked a shy guy out and he accepted. He's contacted me every day over the past week and the date went very well for the most part. We went to a show (and both of us were crazy nervous) and we were going to to the bar for one extra drink after. That turned into 3 extra drinks, with each of us focused on the other 100%, the crowd seemed to melt away. But bloody hell!! He tells me he is probably due to move to Germany with his job in 3 months, but that he always quite likes the idea of living in my original country eventually. And, he asks, what do I think of life in Germany...Smile

Well he walked me home at the end of the date and also insisted on paying for all drinks. I looped my arm through his to get closer & we had a long hug goodbye, but he didn't try to kiss me at all. We had a VERY long drawn out goodbye but eventually he left for the train, as did I. He has just contacted to ask if I got home ok....should I go out with him again? Forget it. Damn, I feel we like each other a lot but the timing is crazy!

OP posts:
biggirlknickers · 06/10/2018 00:51

Go out with him again. He sounds nice. Plans can change.

GloomyMonday · 06/10/2018 00:52

"He tells me he is probably due to move to Germany with his job in 3 months."

It's probable, not definite. Personally I would keep seeing him. It may not happen. It may happen but you are sick of him by then and glad to wave him off. It may happen but you can maintain a long distance relationship. Too many possibilities. Keep going and see what unfolds. Worst case scenario, you spend a lovely three months with him and part on good terms.

Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 00:55

He's so lovely. I would like to, I just don't want to get too invested if he does in fact move. Maybe we are in different life stages...

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 06/10/2018 01:04

Definitely go on another date.

Imagine how long you'll think about him if you never give it another chance!

The Germany thing doesn't sound like a permanent move anyway so I would find it disappointing but not off-putting.

SpoonBlender · 06/10/2018 01:26

Hell yes. You had a good time, no-one played silly games with not contacting for three days or whatever, you like him a lot. Book up another day as soon as you can, you might have to squeeze a lot into three months - and you'll regret it forever if you don't!

Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 01:29

Ugh. I like him so much! I think we like each other. We left the date talking about attending a festival together, just the two of us, in another city, in a few weeks.

The thing is. He is shy, so I asked him on the first date. Surely he should ask me on the second date?. He told me towards the end of the date, after like 4 drinks, that he is very shy and working on his social anxiety.

But I still don;t think me asking him on another date would be particularly great for me. Although I like him. Thoughts?

OP posts:
pog100 · 06/10/2018 01:37

Just ask him. All this agonising isn't worth it. You fancy another date, ask him.

GloomyMonday · 06/10/2018 02:28

Life's too short. If you like him, ask him.

mindutopia · 06/10/2018 02:36

Well, when I met my dh, we both worked in one city abroad and I was due to move home again permanently an 11 hour flight away on the opposite side of the world in 4 months. I thought, oh well, at least it will be fun while I’m here and then maybe we’ll stay friends on Facebook or something to keep in touch. I ended up extending my time there by a few months and then moved with the intention of doing 2 years long distance until I could free myself up to move to be with him. We got married almost 3 years to the day after our first date. A decade and a few dc later, here we are. You absolutely never know how things might work out. If it’s worth it, you’ll find a way to make it happen.

mindutopia · 06/10/2018 02:38

And yes, just ask him. He’s probably at home worrying if you like him too.

SpoonBlender · 06/10/2018 02:53

Aaargh! No! Don't demand he takes his turn asking, that's exactly the silly games I mentioned.

He's very shy, he'll be agonising over it, might not get the courage up, he'll rationalise that he's off to Germany anyway in three months, then he'll never hear back from you because you're waiting for him.... and nothing'll happen.

Who has benefitted from that? No one.

If you want it, do it.

HirplesWithHaggis · 06/10/2018 02:54

My friend met a really lovely man not long before she was due to take up a new job, also in Germany. She ummed and ah'd and we told her she should go for it... the short story is they've been married over five years now, and as much in love as ever. :)

NotTheFordType · 06/10/2018 04:57

You didn't even kiss? Sounds like he has a very low sex drive, I'd leave him in the pool for someone with an equally low sex drive to match with.

Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 05:57

NotTheFordType - hmm I didn't consider that perspective. I mean he seemed very attracted to me, but I was a little disappointed that he didn't!

Other stories sound more positive however Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 05:58

HirplesWithHaggis - and did your friend take the job in Germany?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 06/10/2018 06:00

Maybe he really wanted to kiss you but was just too shy.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 06/10/2018 06:02

not what the hell? He was probably just shy.

OP just go for it. Life’s too short.

sansouci · 06/10/2018 06:11

I would never kiss on a first date!

Yes, keep dating him. He sounds lovely. But let him ask you this time; it will reduce his shyness and balance the relationship.

Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 06:15

I dunno - I thought I was making it pretty clear with my body language and gave him amply opportunity as we had a long drawn out goodbye.

What if we go out again and he doesn't make a move the second time!?

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 06/10/2018 06:15

Go for it- if after a few more dates you feel you are taking the lead too much,then explain how that makes you feel.Who knows how it will turn out,but if you leave it here then you'll be forever wondering

Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 06:16

sansouci I think you're right! I would start to feel an annoying imbalance if I kept asking him.

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 06:17

Sally, he did say he is working to overcome his shyness but that it doesn't happen overnight. His dad is shy too apparently.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 06/10/2018 06:19

I was in a similar situation 15 yrs ago. I met a guy who was due to go off to Europe for a year or two in a few months time. We hit it off immediately and he was full on attentive. We had an amazing three months. He once drove from Newcastle to Brighton with a Xmas tree the day after I'd said I wanted one for the house! That very Xmas he went to Canada skiing and I met him when he came home. He was so full of Canada and said he was moving over there as soon as he could. When I got a bit upset he was shocked and said he'd always said he was going to live in Europe. When I said europe didn't seem so far away he said he was sorry I was upset but he was going. My perfect boyfriend then immediately backed off and never found time to see me ever again, it really hurt at the time.

So see him again perhaps but keep your eyes open and keep hold of your heart.

Villagelifer · 06/10/2018 06:32

God laughs at those who make plans.
Life changes. You shouldn't not do things because of uncertainty of the future. The future is always uncertain.
If you are right for each other you'll make things work.

Original poster
RubyN · 06/10/2018 06:36

Sorry to hear that Honeyroar. It sounds like you had some great experiences at the time regardless of how things worked out. I was in his shoes 2 years ago - I yearned to live in a different place from the city I grew up in and I think he's going through that now.

I just want to be careful at the moment as I'm 6 months out of a serious relationship, I feel pretty much healed but the emotions still occasionally catch me off guard. It was so good to go on the first post-break up date though!

If we go out again, shall I put the Germany card on the table? IE. I know you're going but I'm open to spending some time together before then.

OP posts: