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Original poster

Weird/good (!!) first date - chalk it up to experience?

68 replies

RubyN · 06/10/2018 00:45

I'm feeling sad after a first date although I was feeling so good about it hours ago!!

I asked a shy guy out and he accepted. He's contacted me every day over the past week and the date went very well for the most part. We went to a show (and both of us were crazy nervous) and we were going to to the bar for one extra drink after. That turned into 3 extra drinks, with each of us focused on the other 100%, the crowd seemed to melt away. But bloody hell!! He tells me he is probably due to move to Germany with his job in 3 months, but that he always quite likes the idea of living in my original country eventually. And, he asks, what do I think of life in Germany...Smile

Well he walked me home at the end of the date and also insisted on paying for all drinks. I looped my arm through his to get closer & we had a long hug goodbye, but he didn't try to kiss me at all. We had a VERY long drawn out goodbye but eventually he left for the train, as did I. He has just contacted to ask if I got home ok....should I go out with him again? Forget it. Damn, I feel we like each other a lot but the timing is crazy!

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstStep · 06/10/2018 06:38

OP just keep it simple. No need to define your relationship at all in this early stage.

galaxy101 · 06/10/2018 06:51

I've just done something similar. Spent a long time chatting to a guy, met him had a fantastic first date, clicked etc. The next day he says he's got something to tell me, leaving for Australia in 6 weeks. I was gutted! But here I am, 8 weeks on, he's in Australia and I'm still here, we speak/text almost constantly but the lines are blurred, it's very confusing. He may come back, he may not, I'm just rolling with it.

Hope u get the outcome you want.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 06/10/2018 07:31

I met a guy 3 months before moving to Africa, was a bit sad that we only had a limited time together. 20 years and 3 kids later...

ThomasShelbysBunnet · 06/10/2018 07:38

Another one here who met a lovely guy 3 months before I was moving away...adding to the tales of 13 years later and couple of dc.

See what the next 3 months bring OP

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 06/10/2018 07:41

In the same situation as blessed and thomas .

Sometimes, when we feel like time is short, we let our guards down more. It is easier to show our feelings and be vulnerable. I think that leads to, ironically, better relationships.

You hear a lot of stories like this, a person was about to move but they ended up married.

Not to say this will happen, but just see what happens with him OP.

Moocoo · 06/10/2018 07:44

I'm laughing at the person who said he must have a low sex drive. What a daft thing to say. We don't all have to shag or kiss on a first date you know🤔

n0ne · 06/10/2018 08:23

Oh bless you. I started dating my Dutch DH knowing he would move back to NL at some point. I decided to just enjoy it while it lasted as he was such a lovely guy, but in the end he decided on a job in London over the one he was going for back home (and my heart did a backflip! I remember it so well). After a few years in the UK, we did eventually move to NL together and are now married with 2 DCs, living happy ever after Smile

Go for it, OP. You never know what life's going to throw at you!

Original poster
RubyN · 08/10/2018 21:02

Oh dear, it looks like he is now ghosting me Confused Not heard from him in 2 days, although he still seemed super keen, reaching out to me a couple of times after the date. Since I responded he hasn't bothered again. I feel quite upset as he very much seemed into me. I didn't think I'd misread the signals.

He did mention that he was very shy and blurted out he was seeing a psychologist shortly before the date ended...in any case, this is pretty embarrassing because I am going to see him again 100% through our social group. I can't imagine why he thinks the radio silence is even slightly a good idea when we're going to be going to the same events in future!

But yeah. Feeling a pretty crappy right now. Thought I'd made a decent connection, it seemed different to other first dates.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 08/10/2018 21:45

If, and it is still an if for a day or two, he is ghosting you then YOU have nothing to be embarrassed by.if you meet in public, he has. If he's going away, has shyness hang ups and is too rude to say thanks but no thanks after a date then, let's face it, you've swerved a bullet there..

Original poster
RubyN · 08/10/2018 21:54

Oh god never mind he just contacted me apologising profusely and saying it's been a busy couple of days...

And would I still like to go on the date with him tomorrow night. I have raging butterflies, this is ridiculous, I feel like a teenager!!

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 08/10/2018 21:57

Oo good. Go for it!

Lunde · 08/10/2018 22:34

Go on the date - you never know where life will take you

I fell at the feet of a Nordic Viking (literally as it happens as I fell down a rock face) while hiking. He invited me for a date in his country for a weekend ... and we currently live in a different EU country and recently celebrated our silver wedding.

Original poster
RubyN · 08/10/2018 23:12

Lunde that made me laugh out loud!! Also I go hiking with a group every other week and they are always joking about when someone worth dating will show up. It actually happens eh...

Thanks, I'm looking forward to seeing him again although still feeling a little tentative about his move. I guess he has felt enough of a connection too to see what happens regardless.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 08/10/2018 23:39

Stop worrying about moves or connections and just enjoy the moment.

SpoonBlender · 08/10/2018 23:41

Stop overthinking everything! That's very destructive. Get out there and play, see how it goes.

PolkaDoting · 08/10/2018 23:45

Right...

So this guy dint have the gumption to ask you out, you had to ask him.

Then even though you had an amazing evening and the rest of the crowd seemed to melt away he didn’t even try to kiss you?

Then he fucking ghosted you cos he was FUCKING BUSY even though we all know that even if we are SUPER BUSY sending/recieveing a text from our new crush/boyfriend/girlfriend is the HIGHLIGHT of our FUCKING DAY!!!!!

And you are looking forward to meeting him Confused

ferrier · 08/10/2018 23:48

Yes. Get out there and have a little bit of fun.

ferrier · 08/10/2018 23:50

Jeez Polka. He's shy. He was probably plucking up courage to ask for the second date but he managed it. Give the guy a break.

PolkaDoting · 08/10/2018 23:52

It just sounds like a whole litany of excuses that boil down to that good old phrase ‘he just isn’t that into you.’

I mean, not snogging after that date scenario is just weird, don’t care how shy you are.

Catren · 09/10/2018 00:01

I love this thread! So pleased he's asked you out!

Another story here of getting together a few weeks before I moved abroad for a year. We kept talking, I came back as promised, and we're now married with a daughter. Also I am much more forward in this department than dh was, so I was the one to make the first move etc. but I definitely don't regret it.

Honestly, lives are malleable, take each day/week as it comes and enjoy each other. Please keep us updated!

dragonflyflew · 09/10/2018 00:08

I rarely kiss on first dates, maybe not even the second. God how times have changed from my one night stand spectacular of the 90s!
I don't think there's anything wrong with a chaste ending to a first date, nor is it wrong to have sex on a first date.
Maybe he was shy, maybe just didn't want to rush it, or anxious about looking sleazy or he just wasn't in the zone just then
If you like him just sent how it goes. If he shoes no sexual interest you can make your decision.
If you're meeting again there's nothing to stop you making the first move!

Sethis · 09/10/2018 00:18

All the judgement. It's hilarious.

For the record, I live in Italy. I got with my DP during a summer holiday when I was back in the UK. She knew I was going back to Italy in September.

1.5 years later we're still here, still making it work.

Easyjet/Ryanair flights are about 30 quid if you just take hand luggage.

We see each other for every major holiday and as much as possible between them, and we do a lot of city rendezvous, for example meeting up in Sofia, Switzerland or Rome (which I don't live anywhere near). We get an Airbnb for a 3 day weekend and then go back to our lives, and we talk almost every day on whatsapp and with phone calls.

She is, however, making noises about coming to live with me in Italy, which I enthusiastically encourage, so just be aware you might end up vanishing into the depths of Europe, never to be seen again...

You can make it work if you both want to make it work.

And for the love of God if he suffers from anxiety then just be completely explicit with what you want to happen. If you want him to kiss you at a certain point, grab his collar and say "I'd like you to kiss me now. What do you think?". A normal guy gets into cold sweats at the thought of getting the timing wrong on that, Jesus only knows how hard it is on a guy with social anxiety. He's not going to be great at people. If you expect him to be great at people, you're just going to be disappointed. Be explicit. Say exactly what you mean. Don't "hope" into silences or attempt to use body language instead of just outright saying something. Above all, be forgiving and assume the best instead of the worst.

Original poster
RubyN · 09/10/2018 00:21

Sounds terrible but the first time we met, like within the first minute or two, he did that full body sweep thing that made me feel he was undressing me with his eyes Blush. I caught him and he hasn't done it since, but that and just the closeness/the looks he gives me when we're together makes me think he does want me. He also commented on how good I looked within the first few minutes of the first date, reaching out to feel the material of my sexy sheer top Wink.

I was a little surprised when there was no kiss though. I would love for him to be a bit more forward and I'm a bit scared of the rejection if I do kiss him! We hugged and walked arm in arm around the streets but that was it.

OP posts:
ferrier · 09/10/2018 18:21

Good luck Ruby! Hope it all goes well for you.

Olderbyaminute · 09/10/2018 18:57

Good luck!