DH is sulking about his birthday

[AnAngryRegular]

DH is sulking about his birthday.

This seems to happen ever year and I am sooo fed up of it. He seems to have massive expectations of what should happen for his birthday and uses it as a means to ‘test’ the family .
I know his family paid more attentions to birthdays (lots of presents, big family meals out etc) and mine were much more measured (cards, presents and a cake at teatime, unless a ‘big’ one like 21, 30, 40, etc in which case a party)

As a result, I find myself getting really anxious in the run up to his birthday as nothing we do ever seems to measure up. He will never suggest anything and expects us to automatically ‘know’ exactly what he wants.
In the past I’ve arranged trips and nice meals out on his birthday.
This year things have been really busy. Our eldest started uni last weekend so we were away dropping off, and I was really busy helping him.
Knowing DS1 wouldn’t be here I made sure he left a card and present here for DH. DD & I also discussed DH’s birthday and we agreed a couple of little presents which could be ordered from Amazon/which I could pick up in town (as I was going anyway).
In the absence of any suggestions I decided to buy DH a pair of jeans the same size and style (but different colour) as a pair he has and really likes – a well-known brand, which cost £90!
This morning DH was really ‘off’ over breakfast. He opened his presents, asked DD “did you buy this yourself?” (the implication being that she didn’t, as he knew she hadn’t been to town recently) and about the jeans the first thing he said was “where did you buy these?” (as if they were a dodgy knock off pair from ebay!)
Yesterday he announced he was taking the day off work for his birthday, so I cancelled my Friday plans (exercise class, meet up with friend)and suggested we go out for lunch. I’ve also arranged for DS1 to videocall later to wish DH happy birthday.
This morning he announced he thinks we should go ‘as a family’ tonight instead, at which point DD says but she’s already arranged to meet her boyfriend tonight. DH then says “well I’ll leave you to think about what the right decision to make is..”

DD has gone to school almost in tears and I don’t want to spend any of the day with the grumpy git!

Your husband is an abusive bully, and I highly doubt this is the only time he acts this way. What an absolute prick. It's very upsetting that you are catering to this behaviour.

The thing is if you want something specific for your birthday you say want you want, if you don't and people get you gifts and take you out to lunch or whatever then then you appreciate the effort that is made, you don't bitch and make snide remarks.

I love birthdays. I like a fuss to be made....however....I have an amazon wish list that I update regularly with various presents of various cost, I tell my partner things I would like to do.
I am always grateful for my gifts and anything we do and I don't expect people to change their plans.
Your husband sounds like a prize twat and you are making it worse by enabling his behaviour!!!!

I am another one who loves birthdays and enjoy making them special, your OH's behavior is appalling. I thought that already and then you told the story about Mother's day and my heart just broke for you. He is a hurtful, selfish bastard. The fact that he takes it out on you is bad enough, but on the kids as well...
You really do need to think long and hard about whether there is anything keeping you in this one sided relationship.

Wish him a happy 7th birthday from me

Personally I would do fuck all
For him again!

Why not actually organise something special in advance next time? - OP tells us in the very first post that she's organised trips and nice meals out in the past.

Although you've given more details in follow on posts your OP tells us that your DH is someone who likes a fuss on his birthday - he's 50+!

And he doesn't bother telling OP what he'd like, just so that whatever she does is not good enough.

And she's bought him jeans that he'd liked in the past, and these weren't good enough.

And dd has bought him a present, but because OP bought it for her to give, it wasn't good enough.

and that you haven't made the fuss so he is making the fuss for himself so the above ^ running around making herself stressed, making sure that their Uni-going child has left a card and present, organising a meal out with the child who is left in this tantrumming household, and setting up a Skype so that man-child can have his Uni-going child tell him how much he cares about his birthday - isn't enough?

She's making herself ILL! All so that the children can be put in their place - ie behind him, idolising and loving him . I actually believe that once you are old enough to have children, they come first, and your own birthday/Christmas/day to day wishes and desires come second.

What is he doing to OP and the children?

Nasty piece of work, telling his own daughter that and you’ve enabled him, OP! I get that it makes for an easier life, but you’ve given in and caved to his horrible manipulation.

I know this is some time ago, but does your husband still do this? Mine is exactly the same, it’s his birthday today, Christmas Eve, he hates it! I get sulks every year! It’s driving me bath 🤬no matter what I do it’s never enough.

I'm kinda hoping op has chucked her miserable dick of a partner by now.

I'd YouTube- narcissists hate holidays.
If I were you pp. See if it rings any bells.

I feel so sorry for your children that you have indulged this selfish twat for years.

How dare he send your child to school crying.

How could you allow that to happen?

Sorry OP but it is unforgivable that you would be party to this utter bullshit.

He is a selfish disgrace, him leaving you on Mothers day with young children after losing your mother is unbelievable.

You have put him ahead of your children by allowing his selfishness to go unchallenged.

He is a disgrace and I would tell him in no uncertain terms where to stick his birthday.

How can you allow this modeling of manhood for your daughter?

Do you real want her to end up with a similar spoiled brat?