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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH left - kids reacting badly - what should I do/expect?

51 replies

sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:18

LO is 2 1/2 and has scratched me and constantly screaming at me. I was feeling quiet strong but this is killing me.

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:25

? Is this a reaction to our arguing yesterday by chance

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BrothelSprouts · 11/06/2007 18:25

I don't know your situation, sosadsomad.
When did your DH leave?

escape · 11/06/2007 18:26

So sorry you are suffering with this. if your kids were privvy to any arguments then, unfortunately, I think they will sense the tension and react in the only way they know how. How many do you have?

Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:29

Yesterday

I have 2 other is 6 and being naughty. do they blame me cos he's not here?

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BrothelSprouts · 11/06/2007 18:33

They will be really confused and scared, I expect.
Is your DH likely to return?
I think you will need to explain to the children what is happening, and that you and DH love them very much, even though you are not all living in the same house.

Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:34

Just want tips on staying strong through the first few days I suppose

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:36

sorry crossed post
They are too young to understand - I don't know if he will come back as I said I didn't want him to.

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escape · 11/06/2007 18:37

From one 'strong woman' to another' - there is only so much burden a human can carry - the constant barrage from your kids is not the best situation to be able to take stock and work out how to get through the next few days - will they go to bed soon - can you get somebody 'round? you need an hour or two to yourself - absolutely.

BrothelSprouts · 11/06/2007 18:38

They are too young to understand the ins and outs of the break up, but I do think you need to explain to them where your DH is.

compo · 11/06/2007 18:39

2 and a half and six are old enough to know that daddy isn't there surely?
Have you got any family that could come over and you could go and stay with?

Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:39

I don't have any support, that's the next task getting them to sleep without him here last night she just kept screaming out all night. I feel so guilty but at the same time feel i am doing the right thing for them

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:41

I don't know where he is or how he is on top of this, it's hard to keep it together for them, i just feeling like throwing up. We have both said that daddy is living somewhere else so we don't shout at each other because that isn't nice ?

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:42

I have name changed, this is my first post like this - it is so embarrasing

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compo · 11/06/2007 18:43

poor you... any close friends nearby?

Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:44

i'm not seeking sympathy but thanks I just wanted advice, I feel such a mess up

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:45

sorry, no I don't have any 'close' friends, I can't off load it's not fair

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:51

just so mad he's given up on us, depressed and can't be bothered

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flowertot · 11/06/2007 18:53

If you believe it is the right thing to do for the long term, then just remember that thought and stay strong.
It is hard in the beginning (I have been there too) but it is worth it. You must keep talking about Daddy, about how much he loves them, but at the moment he is living somewhere else. I knew that it was the right thing for my children and they would benefit by me being happy and relaxed rather than having both of us but being stressed, unhappy and arguing.

flowertot · 11/06/2007 18:54

I'm sure he hasn't given up on you. Just taking time to chill out and calm down himself and make his own decisions

Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:55

but i can't mention him without blubbing like an emotional wreck it's like grieving but scary.

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Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:56

thanks flowertot but i think he has. he's out of reach emotionally which is why i have had to draw a line under the hurt

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flowertot · 11/06/2007 18:57

Oh yes, I forgot that bit! See it does get better. Yes I remember at the beginning just crying most of the time, even though I knew it was right. Its hard, but it will be harder if you let him come back and then do it again in a month or so. Are you really sure this is what you want? It wasn't just an argument got out of hand?

flowertot · 11/06/2007 18:58

Out of reach emotionally - same as mine. Just got back from 2 weeks in Jamaica. 5* all inc. Now says he cannot afford to see the kids as he can't afford the petrol..........

Original poster
sosadsomad · 11/06/2007 18:58

I got a text message saying the same thing today but I thought it was more emotional blackmail. let him come back next month - tonight? I must stay strong

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flowertot · 11/06/2007 19:02

If you intend to let him back next month anyway , it is better to sort it out sooner. Will be harder on the children if he is away for a bit then back. They need to know what is happening. Also you need to talk things through rather than punishing each other through texts

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