Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want my partner to leave

83 replies

Alfredthegreat · 25/09/2018 22:52

We have been together 5 years.... the last 2 1/2 years have been hard. Really hard. But the last few months its been rediculous. We argue alot. He literally does nothing round the house. Absolutely nothing.... oh im lying he puts the toilet roll holders in the bin (yes he did use that in the latest argument today, not gonna lie i very sarcastically started clapping at him) i have been working part time but on monday i go back to full time hours, i want him to out more money into the household budget (hes self employed so some weeks he can earn as little as 80 pound, which thankfully isnt that often... and then others it can be between 300 and 400, these have been more regular) he doesnt understand why he shoukd put more money, at the minute he puts 100 a week in, keep in mind out of that i pay his car insurance, tax, phone bill and bupa dental. So doesnt equate to anything regarding other bills....why should i go back to work full time (my wage is very good, for part time hours i was on a full time wage, so i would of been mad to turn the full time roll down) but obviously once i get taxed and pay the childcare im not much better financially off. I dont understand how everything that goes into my bank has to.pay bills, feed us, pay for xmas and birthday presents for 3 kids that arent even mine (and before the step parent police jump on, i dont begrudge the kids, i begrudge that he doesnt even offer anything for the presents i buy. I pay for everything. I even pay for his youngest to get her mom a card and present on mothers day, birthday and xmas, hes doesnt offer a penny) hes gets to blow 100 - 200 a week on whatever the hell he wants. Its took me 5 months to save 300 for a new cooker. He was supposed to take me out tonight for my birthday which i had to ask him to do hes never made a scrap of effort on my birthday, but because we fell out hes just sat in silence all evening... whatever hell complain hes hungry before i do.... im trying to explain if hes on a good week why on earth cant he put the extra in. His pathetic excuse was well if you were on your own youd have to do it anyway..... wtf. Yeah i would but i wouldnt be paying 2 car inaurance.tax.phonebills . For four kids to have a bloody christmas or fucking feed them! And then the cheeky bastard was going on about me doing full time (i did a full time last week) you came in you fell asleep you a miserable bitch because your tired. Is he for bloody real.... im not tired because ive been to work... im bloody fed up because i get up at 6.30 with the little one i think go to work for 8am... finish at 4.30 come home to a shit tip so i have to clean all that up cook dinner sort laundry bath and bed little one and then if we need anything i have to drive to our local shop to pick up necessities. All while he sits on the bloody phone or laptop or whatever. And im the miserable bitch..... can someone please tell me im not crazy and that hes a bloody self centred bloody lunatic....
Sorry for the rediculously long post this was only meant to be short asking how the get him to leave my house when everytime i tell him its mid argument and nothing ever happens. Also hes got no where to go at all. His mom is the unsupporting individual going (another rant another time) so he cant go there where should i send him.... i dont want to be too harsh he is the father of our son.(he has four kids in total only 1 with me) weve not had any intimacy at all in 4 months and less than 5 times this year.... so i feel like im paddling a sinking ship tbh. I really do not see what he brings to the table so to speak.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 27/09/2018 07:50

How did you two get together OP?
and in 2 weeks i can look at rooms to rent so in 2 weeks i can fully be prepared to think right things havent changed heres your new keys off you pop

You say that your instinct to find him a new home (not seeing that as his responsibility and his problem) is because you want your child to be cared for in a decent place. But if he's a good father, he would get a place suitable for his children. You say he has £2-300 disposable income some weeks, and he'll probably stop paying you £100 a week too as he won't see why he should pay that if not living there.
Did you fight to get him and feel he was a prize? Sunk 5 years into this and now find it hard to cut your losses?

Alfredthegreat · 27/09/2018 09:47

Yes he probably would find something suitable but i woukd want ti know its suitable. And why would he stop paying me the 100 a week that he does pay. He pay maintenance for his other kids so why w9uldnt mine fall into the catergory or are we suggesting he only feels the need to pay for one lot of children.... the kids have nothing to do with it and never have done.... and at what point do the kids become aware of the rent situation? And car insurance? I dont make a habit of disgussing main bilks with the children.

OP posts:
Alfredthegreat · 27/09/2018 09:52

Bringing his parenting into has nothing to do with our issues... if hes going to try make the effort then im going to try myself. If it doesbt work it doesnt work. Just because our relationship is going to shit does not have anything to do with the children. I do not need to get childcare into place because i know he will look after him.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 27/09/2018 09:59

Wow, just wow, I know you desperately want this to work hence your desperate attempt at painting him out to not be the utter scrounging using git that he is; sorry OP but I am shocked at what you do for him and him allowing it, that is not a nice, kind good person, I'd also argue his good dad status is somewhat warped too.

If he can change his whole personality in the next two weeks then great but I think what you are receiving now is lip service; he must be shitting it thinking he's going to lose his bank account, ie, YOU; would love to know what he brings to you because I'd have zero respect for any person that thought it ok to use me as a cash machine, bloody awful behaviour.

I guess another 2 weeks won't matter; you will find he's on best behaviour but give it a month, I'd guarantee he'll revert to type, he's that type of person.

gamerchick · 27/09/2018 10:08

Im getting defensive, all of a sudden because he doesnt help me pay rent hes a bad dad when thats not the case

Erm not making sure your child has a roof over their head is by the very definition a shit dad OP.

Look, you'll be ready to get rid of the scrounging freeloader eventually.... And you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Good luck.

AlaskaSometimes · 27/09/2018 11:05

Anyone who treats you that way is a bad father. Not because he doesn’t care about his son, but He’s modelling this shit to his son. I get you don’t want to leave but cmon. If your daughter was being treated like this what would you say? If your best friend had a man sponging off her and refusing to be equal partners what would you say?

We get what we accept. You and your kids deserve better. You deserve to have a relationship where you are equals.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/09/2018 11:06

It is hard to give up on 5 years with the father of your DC.
And I agree OP. You'll know you gave it one last shot and that HE didn't do as he should have when you do call it quits.
I really hope he steps up long-term.

choli · 28/09/2018 16:39

And why would he stop paying me the 100 a week that he does pay.
For the same reason he is paying you only 100 quid a week instead of paying his way.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page