Sex and the single mother...

[PenelopeChipShop]

Jokey title ( based on an old Friends episode ) but serious question!

Just wondering if there’s anyone else out there with the same issue and what they do about it! I mean when you’re long-term single, have kids and miss sex, but don’t necessarily want a relationship.

I’m 18 months out of a very painful separation (almost divorced), finally feeling like I have my mojo back a bit, but I don’t know what to do with it!

I’ve come close to sleeping with two men recently, one was lovely but there was no spark (I think I was trying to force it as he’s nice but i just do not fancy him) and the other I fancy massively and he was bloody great in bed (we had been on 3 dates first) but he doesn’t live very nearby and neither of us have much free time so I have no idea if we’ll even meet again let alone manage to do it when we have the privacy to sleep together.

Does anyone use apps just for hookups when their kids are out, is this safe?? Or do you date someone for a bit and hope it goes there.... I hope I don’t sound like a massive slag. I just am not used to being single (was with DH 15 years), my divorce has put me off serious relationships for now, but I want to enjoy my freedom!!

I think I may be doing OLD wrong as most people moan that men just want sex on there but I always seem to get ones that want to date and message for ages....

Do you have any girlfriends to go out with when you don't have your kids?

Cliff that’s exactly the kind of inspiration I was looking for, thank you! Good on you woman!

I just feel completely and utterly different from the last time I was single and what I want is so different as a result of having had my children and had a marriage that has gone wrong. I’m not bitter, or at least I’m not trying to be - I don’t believe all men are bastards because the one I married turned out to be.

But I do feel that to in order to really focus on me, my children and my career right now I could do without the effort involved in a real relationship with someone. So all I want a man for right now is no-strings company and sex. I’m just surprised how hard it is to find, as to me it sounds like quite a good offer!

@PenelopeChipShop do what feels right for you. Perhaps the long distance man could turn out to be a FWB? I think that if your focus is on your career and being a wonderful mum and all you want to do is have some fun with no strings attached then GO FOR IT.

Your original post asked about sites and finding people online, I do not use any online dating websites but I do ask my friends if they know of any potential "friends". I feel more comfortable if at least one of my own friends knows a little bit about a potential "friend". The other man who I've started hooking up with and lives long distance I met at a conference. Both men (bar man and long distance man) I met them face to face and was instantly attracted to them. Both men knew upfront that I just wanted sex.

There is the potential that both men could have been ONS but fortunately naturally a FWB relationship happened naturally. I have no contact with either men until I or they want to hook up. Sometimes they turn me down and sometimes I turn them down.

Perhaps you could text long distance man and see if he wants to hook up again!!!

I think I might try that Cliff! I won’t be free for another couple of weeks but when I am i’ll definitely be tempted to suggest meeting up with him! Only trouble is he’s really busy too but in a different way as he’s single.

I focused on OLD because unfortunately I don’t see how I would naturally meet anyone otherwise. All my friends are married and even when we do go out it’s not in a way that naturally leads to meeting men! The men in my office are not very dateable...! And although I do have one ‘hobby’ (yoga) again I don’t see much potential there. And I’m not about to chat anyone up at the school gate. So really I feel like apps etc are the best place to meet people but they’re so hit and miss!!

@ferrier 😉