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Relationships

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Original poster

How long before moving in together

105 replies

DiamondsInTheMud · 24/09/2018 21:34

Just wondering how long people were in relationships for before moving in together... Im in a long distance relationship, have been together for 4 months now. Its all been pretty serious from the start. We see eachother at the weekend, maybe every second weekend. But its getting more and more difficult when im not seeing him, and he's said the same. Hes currently living at his mums, pending completion on a house that hes just bought. And hes suggested that i can stay at his for weeks at a time if i can schedule work in the area. It feels like this could progress quite quickly into me moving in, work would be easy to sort a transfer for, and i feel like its the right time, but i dont know if its too soon to be even thinking about that?

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/09/2018 07:57

Its far too soon to be thinking about moving in together; you still barely know each other outside of a workplace setting. And why would you help pay towards his mortgage as well if you are not named on it; this is money you would not likely see again in the event of you parting and besides which you have no savings of your own. Arm yourself further with more knowledge re the financials here, educate yourself and know your rights and do not walk into this blind. Your legal rights when moving into his property are akin to that of a lodger i.e. very few.

ravenmum · 25/09/2018 08:11

Like some others I also moved in with my bf after just a few months, then ended up getting married and having children. It lasted 20 years so I guess you could say it worked. However, now I'm out on the dating scene again, I am hugely enjoying dating and realise that we did miss out on something back then, moving together so fast. Being apart makes you appreciate your bf all the more - if you miss them, that's a romantic feeling worth hanging on to. When you live together the relationship becomes far more prosaic and in many ways less exciting. I think my long-term relationship would have benefited from us having a longer romantic period at the start. It's something you can look back on later if life has become more humdrum and you need a reminder of why you married them.

ravenmum · 25/09/2018 08:15

But read the relationship boards. So so many women only finding a man’s true colours after a rushed moving in / marriage / baby. ... Its nice to hear of lots of other similar length relationships moving in together and it all working out! - I love the fact that there's just one other post between these two comments. OP, you've clearly made your mind up and are posting here for confirmation. Good luck, you'll need it!

TomHardyswife · 25/09/2018 08:17

Moved in together pretty much straightaway after meeting on a blind date!

I was living on my own renting and he was living with his parents. (Well we were only 21)

Got pregnant after two months.

Still going strong and happily married after 24 years.

When you know, you know.

DDogMum · 25/09/2018 08:18

9 months. We lived in the first house for six months renting, then bought and moved into our own house just over a year ago. We are getting married next week ☺️

BitOutOfPractice · 25/09/2018 08:43

Well you’ve clearly made your decision op. I hope you don’t get to repent at leisure. But seriously, 8 meetings and you’re moving on? I’ve spent more time considering the purchase of a sofa than that.

whodoyoufollow · 25/09/2018 08:56

Me and my DP went on a weekend date thing thinking it was just a one off and I practically moved in that week 5 years later we're still together. If you feel that it's right he feels the same go for it. Only you and him know what's best.
Good luck OP

1111Cleopatra · 25/09/2018 09:18

My partner moved in with me after 12 months, giving up his job. We too were in a LDR, we lived 200 miles from each other. If it wasn’t for family reasons we would have moved in together within months. When he moved in we had only spent every other weekend together. 5 years later we are still just as happy if not happier! Go got it, life is too short & nothing is irreversible, take happiness when & where you can find it! Best if luck.

Gumbo · 25/09/2018 09:24

I moved in - and married him - within 4 weeks! That was 24 years ago, we're still together
However - it's a reckless and stupid thing to do, and although it's worked out well for us I really wouldn't recommend it to anyone!

fantasmasgoria1 · 25/09/2018 09:30

We felt the same as you op, more and more difficult to be apart so we moved in after two months. I moved cities too! We are engaged now! We didn’t have small children to consider either! I have no regrets as he is my soulmate.

Aria2018 · 25/09/2018 09:38

My now husband lived on another continent. After six months of meeting every six weeks,endless FaceTimes, he left his job, moved and we rented together. 5 years later we are married with a baby on the way. I thought I was crazy at the time as I am usually very sensible but sometimes you have to take a chance. As long as you don't feel pressured to go and can leave if you choose. I don't see the difference in helping out with the mortgage if you are living there as it means you have less ties in case you want to leave. Good luck!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/09/2018 10:00

"I don't see the difference in helping out with the mortgage if you are living there as it means you have less ties in case you want to leave".

It does not work like that at all. OP could be paying a proportion for his mortgage on a property that her man bought recently. This lady also states she has no savings of her own. If she pays a proportion of his mortgage this is not a wise course of action because she is paying for something that she is not a part of. No-one financially savvy does that. Her legal rights re moving in with him are akin to that of a lodger i.e. poor. If the relationship broke down and he asked her to leave his property he is well within his rights to do so.

Original poster

DiamondsInTheMud · 25/09/2018 10:00

Yeah in terms of helping with mortgage, it would still be a lot cheaper than renting somewhere, so i would be able to start saving money. I wouldnt expect to have any more 'claim' on the house than i would in a rental property? As much as it may only be a handful of times that weve seen each other, its been full weekends each time, it just feels like ive known him for years. When ive been in relationships with past partners, the 'moving in' was a lot more of a grey area because they stayed local, and we were pretty much always in eachothers compnay that it became inevitable. But because of the distance, this relationship will never be like that, so its going to take a leap of faith at some point... And with the job security i have whatever happens, i might as well take the chance? If it all goes tits up the only thing i would lose is the relationship, which would have been inevitable if it was never going to work

OP posts:

Original poster

DiamondsInTheMud · 25/09/2018 10:02

Attilla, but i currently pay rent to a landlord, so im paying for something im not part of. How would contributing to bills at his house be any different? If we split up i wouldnt expect to have any 'rights' over his house?

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/09/2018 10:04

Why would you pay any of his mortgage at all?. Its his mortgage to pay and why would you pay into something that you are no part of. If you move in with him accept that you are a lodger.

Booie09 · 25/09/2018 10:05

We were together 3 months....17 years later were still together. When you know you know.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/09/2018 10:11

You are a tenant to the landlord you are currently renting from.
Tenants have more rights than lodgers and rent property from a landlord under a tenancy agreement, which covers areas such as tenant and landlord obligations, rental price, and the start and end date of the tenancy. Examples of tenant rights include the right to know who the landlord is, to live in a safe property that’s in a good state of repair, and to challenge excessively high charges.

I would suggest you could pay a proportion of bills and according to income if you so wish but do not pay towards any of his mortgage. No-one should pay for something that they are not a part of. If you are serious as well about moving in with him I would think about having a cohabitation agreement drawn up beforehand. This could save both you and he a lot of financial mess going forward.

Moving in with this man would not make you a tenant, only a lodger and they have no real legal recourse in law.

ShirleyPhallus · 25/09/2018 10:16

OP could be paying a proportion for his mortgage on a property that her man bought recently. This lady also states she has no savings of her own. If she pays a proportion of his mortgage this is not a wise course of action because she is paying for something that she is not a part of. No-one financially savvy does that.

If she doesn’t have any savings then she would be renting / lodging anyway, so what’s the difference?

Original poster

DiamondsInTheMud · 25/09/2018 10:18

I just dont see whats different to me giving him say, £200 a month for bills, or £200 that he puts towards his mortgage payment. Either way i have spent £200.

Im sorry if being a bit obtuse with this, im just genuinely not sure why it would be such a bad thing.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 25/09/2018 10:24

DiamondsInTheMud agree with you

Notonthestairs · 25/09/2018 10:26

You presumably won't have a rental agreement so no notice period and associated rights and remedies. If the relationship fails then you are out on your ear.

Will you really save? You need to put aside a block of moving out money at least (enough for deposit plus search fees etc and a first months rent).

My DH moved in with me after 5 months - it suited me because everything was in my name. But he wasn't giving anything up, he moved less than a mile and only did it because his lease was up!

You clearly going to do it anyway but please plan your finances without romanticism getting in the way. For every success there will be someone who lost out.

Original poster

DiamondsInTheMud · 25/09/2018 10:33

I would have somewhere to go and live rent free for a few months if i got chucked out.

OP posts:

Powerless · 25/09/2018 10:36

@Babdoc So sorry for your loss :'( Such a young age.... x

Notonthestairs · 25/09/2018 10:54

So if your relationship ended and you needed to move out pdq you have somewhere in that area to move to? Or a room somewhere else so you'd have to wait to transfer your job again?

I don't know why I'm posting. You've decided - fair enough. Just save some money and don't spend money on his house (that includes buying furniture and nice little extras) until you have a bit more security.

Original poster

DiamondsInTheMud · 25/09/2018 11:05

My work would probably be able to sort an instant transfer back to my original area. Nature of my work is traveling around with no fixed office, so only thing that would change is the area that they are planning my jobs.

If i dont spend money on his house/bills then i would be living rent free which doesnt seem fair on him?

OP posts:

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