DH and I have been together since we were 18. We both had neglectful childhoods with controlling aggressive fathers. My DM had far too many children, his drank. We have been together 25 years and the first 15 were happy. DH has suffered depression and been medicated for the last 10 years. He is morose and self obsessed. He works hard (we have a small farm) but is always angry and resentful. DC will not help him with anything, he calls them names and has odd expectations. He has cut himself off from everyone except me and DC.
I booked a holiday at Xmas and told him he couldn't come unless he bucked his ideas up but I caved in and let him come as it would have upset DC. He didn't speak to me at all, refused to be an 'active' participant in the holiday. We have been home 3 weeks in which time he has stopped making eye contact with me. He refuses to speak to me and blanks me but denies this if I confront him.
He doesn't seem interested in a physical relationship at all, and avoids contact. I think he would want to have sex if he could just grope me in the dark and then have sex, but I cannot do that. He tried to establish this pattern years ago but I refused and said if he wanted to have sex, he had to talk to me and kiss/cuddle me etc. He has never taken me out, or away for the night, or cooked a special meal or run me a bath or anything. I used to do these things for him but stopped due to lack of any repricoity.
He spent all day yesterday furious, swearing, name calling and tell me that he 'never does anything' he 'want to'. I pointed out that in the last 2 weeks he had been to a music concert with DS, a comedy night with me and spent time playing on the games console/watching films with DC. I pointed out he had a premier ship football match to attend in the next month with DS, I cooked the meal he requested for lunch yesterday and got his favourite take away on Friday night. I asked what he wanted to do, and suggested he made some plans. This made him even more angry. He refused to explain why he was angry with me.
I try and keep myself looking nice, I am a size 10, look after my skin and hair and keep relatively fit. One issue is that I have been prescribed long term antibiotics which make my stomach sore and apparently I fart in a 'disgusting' way when I am asleep, but I can't help it and everyone farts in their sleep sometimes don't they?
I have a degenerative illness and am very aware that my body will soon start to restrict me, I feel a burning desire to enjoy life and not be trapped in his negative mindset. Everything I have tried over the years has failed, I know I cannot make him happy, but he is making me miserable.
He says he wants things to work, but I feel he is pushing me to end the marriage and make me the 'bad guy'. I have co dependency issues due to my child hood.
I want my marriage to work, I want him to love me. I think he loves me as much as he can love anyone but maybe he just isn't capable. When I look back at my life, how little he has contributed and how little happiness he has brought me I don't know what I am doing.
I feel very alone and would appreciate advice.