Employed by husband - anyone?

[TeamSpirit]

Hi. I live in another European country. Because of my mental health (anxiety, ADHD) and physical health (missing 3 "discs" in my lower back) I am in a "programme", in lack of better word, where I only have to work 6 hours, but get payed full time. Normal in my country, and not up to debate. Just for back ground.
I have searched high and low for jobs, but 6 hour jobs is non existent, except for cleaning, which my back cant do.
Anyway, my husband, who works full time (8-4) also has a business at home. We made that together, although he is the one on the papers. we live on a farm, and he is a bee breeder. He suggested to employ me 6 hours a week, to do a specific job. I have done that job a year now, and I absolutely love it. It has giving me so much, mental health wise, to get out of the unemployment office and to feel I have a job. That energy I use on my kids, house work and my mental health. (started a yoga class!!)
Last night, we discussed my working methods. And my husband was not happy. I do my job 2-3 times a week, which is more than sufficiant. He wants me to do it every day. It is not needed, in my opinion, and I use my 6 hours, regardless if I do it every day or not. we make the same money if I do it every day or not.

And he then used the "but I am the boss of you". I KNOW he is, technically, on paper, but the business is called TEAM something and I think it is a total shit thing to say. I explained that he was boss on paper, but I thought we were a team, and I think he was pretty arrogant if he really thought he could be boss, like that.

And now we dont speak. He went to bed (8.30) and got up this morning without a word.

In my job, it really doesnt matter, how many times a week it is done, the hours spent, are the same regardless. I am so hurt that he used the "I am the boss", I really went around here, loving being a team! As said before, I know he is boss, on paper, but no way I want him to be boss, in reality. Which will mean, I will go back to unemployment with all that comes with it. Huge impact on my every day. But I am really hurt, that we are not a team, I am beneath him.

Am I overreacting? Please be gentle, I know I am lucky to even have this job, but I made it WITH him, we made everything together. Only difference is he is on the papers. And I think he is arrogant to say this. What do you think?

Tell him bluntly that you don't and won't consider him "the boss", you consider him the other half of the team. You are equals and you refuse to consider it any other way.

No, you are not being unreasonable. Your husband needs a kick up the arse for that comment.

He is not your boss! As long as you're doing what you're supposed to and it's not at the detriment of the business. You also look after the kids and house etc or does he do an equal share? If he doesn't, then propose you will up your hours and he take on half the childcare and housework etc that you do. See what he says then!

Slightly different view, I assume he has asked for work every day for some reason?

This is where you needed to communicate so that you understood his rationale and he yours. However his tone and choice of words were poor. To a degree on this matter he is I assume the manage. Does your work impact on his?

I think you need to discuss that as husband & wife you should operate as a team and "boss" is a loaded term and insensitive..however you might need to see his point of view as assume he would ask these work hours of an another employee?
Why would he ask for daily work of not necessary?

No he doesnt do equal share of housework, he is still fixing the farm. House is finished, but barn, stable, outside area still need a lot of work, and he do.
He come home at 4, have coffee (I made it, as I did house and kids) then he go out and work while I do dinner. We all eat and help clean after dinner. Then he go out while I make kid sleep, and then we spend evening together. One day a week he take kids swimming and he also do math homework with kids. He attend every school activity and all in all I was pretty happy with the arrangement.
But he can not be the boss of me. I cant sleep with my boss.
He just wrote a text saying I act like boss, when I want everything done my way and he cant have a saying in it.

Point is, I collect something we are selling. (farm products) Not difficult to sell. But he then promise a co worker to bring 40 of the product tomorrow, and I didnt plan on collecting that day. So he must do himself.

We have 200 units to sell a week. Nomatter how many times I collect. He "takes orders" from co workers, just telling me when he comes in, that he needs so and so, tomorrow.

I think he can sell, when I collect? I also have customers at home, and when I have, i sell. If I dont have, they must wait. Regardless of methods, we sell EVERYTHING. We could sell twice as much, it is not a problem to sell. So WHY oh WHY does he has to please co workers, and stress me?? And, apparently, now forcing me to do his way, with using the "boss card"!!

ARGH! Sure as hell not collecting today!

Would it massively put you out to do an hour a day of collecting rather than 2 hours every 3 days?

His phrasing’s shit, but you also don’t seem to show any flexibility either.

It annoys me, that he gets to decide for me. I dont meddle in how he handle the bees, or when he does this and that.

What I collect does not interfere in his work, has nothing to do with bees.

It is great he helps me sell my units, but I think he is meddling because he tells me when I have to collect, to please his co workers. As I say, we could sell at least twice the amount, so he dont need to please co workers so much.

I thought theese units were MY part of the business, as the bees is his. I also help him harvesting the honey - and that is no small job! But I would never tell him when to do what. And I would be pleased if he would not tell me when to do my job. He can bring units to work, when I have collected, if I dont, he must wait. But he is "pre selling" everything and it is stressing me. And it hurts really, that he in his heart think he is superior to me!

I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean but I think you two should have a business meeting. Look at how you're doing things and if things could be done better, more efficiently or more profitable, look at how you both can accommodate changes or you may need to hire someone else. Two independent people doing their own thing isn't that good for a business. You are a team who must discuss things together and change if necessary.

I'm confused. He is the boss isn't he? He owns the business and puts all the hours in.

Musti - it is 2 different things we do. He has bees, I collect something else. He does his thing, I like to do mine. He interferes, to please his co workers..

Yes Pink Horse, he is the boss. He is the man.

I better shut up and do as I am told.

So basically you sell a product that is high demand.

Because of your previous health problems you have deliberately not ‘maximised’ the business. You collect when you want to, sell when you want to, small amount of product, lots of customers.

Sounds to me like he wants to upscale the business. Get you doing more, collecting everything you can. He is pre selling in order to put pressure on you to do that.

You need to have a sit down about your work. Is the point of your work to give you good health while still bringing some money in? Or is the point of it to make as much money as possible?

Sounds like you want the first answer he wants the second.

Does / did he take your mental health problems seriously? Does he think you are ‘over it’ now so you can do a ‘proper job’?

His co workers or his/your employees? Why doesn't the company also belong to you?

Do you do the same collections every week, or do they vary? Could you have a short meeting at the start of every week to discuss when you're planning to collect that week, and he can tell you about any particular orders he would like fulfilled that week, and then you can both review how that fits in?

He may be the boss, but that doesn't mean you have no say. If you only work 6 hours a week because of your health, it would seem quite likely to me that it is more manageable and better to maintain your health by doing more shifts of two or three hours than fitting it all into a single 6h shift, but you will know what is best for you.

What I do, pays my salery. We agreed it only had to do that. Just keep me away from unemployment. I can work 6 hours a week, and I do. Because I work from home, and health is improving because Im out of unemployment-hell, I also manage "everything else" regarding family.
Yes, it seems as he dont get my health problems. I have asked for my units to be moved closer to the house, as the road there is very slippery most times, and it hurts my back, when I loose balance. (not bad, just give me a sharp pain and it goes away) He will see to that, AFTER stable and barn is fixed. (atleast a year) But if I walk slow and am carefull, he is sure I am managing. (300 meters)

I dont know why he wants it his way. I cant understand it. If I should guess, it is because he is afraid we cant sell all. But when people preorders, it tells me it is not hard to sell. We never had to throw something out, all is always sold.

He cant upscale, no matter how often I collect. We get 200 units a week. End of. I am just a lot more relaxed about it. We sell everything, people love the product, finanses are good. So chill. He stresses me, by taking pre orders and telling me when to do.

I have the health problems I do. I have so much energy every day. If I decide to clean windows, (or something similar regarding bigger house tasks) I am not collecting that day.

I guess, if he wants me to collect every day, he must share house work with me.

But - my initial question was this; is it fair to do the "I am the boss" thing?

It is fair to do the 'I'm the boss thing ' as he is the boss! It has nothing to do with him being the man. He owns the company, manages and runs it and knows what needs doing. Unless I've misunderstood anything in which case I apologise.

The I am the boss is just a childish reaction imo
But it does seem you’re both totally mismatched in this business. It would be good if you could give a vague idea of what these units are? I presume you’re growing them? Or it’s eggs? It’s hard to get my head round the issue of collecting or not collecting.
I would say in his defence it’s a very good idea to have pre-orders. Even if you’re units are flying off the shelf to anyone. It’s very good to have a loyal customer base. If it’s a first come first served adhoc basis, people will give up and get annoyed

I do the same collecting every week. But days change, as I do it when it fits with my plans. If kid sick, I dont do that day. If I clean house, I dont do it that day. (I can hardly walk after cleaning floors)

I want to decide for myself, when to collect. Because I am more efficient, that way.

He sell a lot of my product, in his job. (yes it was co corkers, I am the only employe) He just have to bring it, which he gladly do. But because they like product so much, and we cant have more units, they pre book, and I think that is a problem for my "day to day" managing of life.

Who do you sell to. If you’re not selling to his pre-orders
I know you’re not well, but you do seem to be treating this as more of a hobby. And why can’t you upscale?

To be clear - he is NOT managing the compagny. Sorry to not have said that.
I am only employe. And I do most. Including all the paper work, tax return etc. The only part he has, is selling my product. Which in his own words, is so easy. Just bring it to work. They pay over the phone, goes directly to business account. Which I am managing.

I will try to talk with him later, I truly dont understand why he has to prebook. HoldingOn - he work in a huge compagny, and I am convinced even if some gave up, we would not have a hard time selling.

I am thinking of selling it all from home, so he is not involved at all. It was his own idea to take it to work, and I dont mind, as long as I still are "allowed" to decide when i collect. And the boss thing. It feels like he is arrogant, bellitling me.

There are clearly 2 seperate issues.
You just need to sit down and talk to him. He’s a dick for what he said. But we all say things we don’t mean in the heat of an argument to get at someone.

On the business front, you either work as a team or you don’t. You say you thought you were a team, but you clearly don’t. You think you’re in charge and you would like to do it all your way. I think his is better in my opinion. But therein lies the problem. You’re just totally mismatched work wise.

It is not a hobby. But it doesnt have to be so up tight as to be collected every day. And yes I am much mere relaxed about it. As long as we havent thrown something out yet, I wont stress about it.

He can just bring to work. They sell, even if he hasnt prebooked

I, on the other hand, dont understand how he can "favour" a coworker and say "sorry" to others. Why not just put the units there in the morning and see what happends. If they dont sell, we will talk again.

But assuming it dont, means he dont believe in product and the "favouring" of come co workers, dont sit right with me, either.

I agree with you it’s totally wrong of him to pull the ‘I am boss’ thing on you.

I’m a SAHM but I do some admin work for DH - he very definitely is the boss but if he ever pulled rank like that on me I would be pissed off. I’m doing some admin because it’s a convenient way for me to earn a bit of personal spending money, not because I’m desperate for a long term career as his PA!!

Why can’t he just tell his colleagues that there is a potential one week lead time? That he will bring tomorrow if ready, but if not, they don’t need to wait more than a week. Surely he can make up some reason as to why it’s not always available instantaneously. Plus it’s often good for business to make it seem high demand.

Batteries - that is my point!! Dont take pre orders, dont belittle my product and think it dont sell otherwise!

He can bring monday and Friday, end of story. And again, if it dont sell, we will obviously talk again, but lets test it!

How has he belittled your product

You use “my” in this a lot. You need to think about that. If you do feel that this is entirely your business then I would take him off all of the paperwork and he can have nothing to do with it. Sounds easier all round

Put your foot down OP.

It’s your labour. Who gives a fuck about names on paperwork. Tell him he can do it your why or ‘fire’ you and lose your income, or you will sell from home and not involve him at all.

Sounds like he’s used to thinking of you as the little woman doing a hobby (as someone patronisingly said upthread). But actually small businesses can be very viable and there is nothing wrong with having a flexible working pattern.

I’d also be tempted to put some of my own money aside and pay someone to come and move my units tbh. Also you could set up your own company and move your units into there so you aren’t part of his paperwork anymore. Not sure about where you are but I’m pretty sure in the UK you could find a tax neutral way to do that.

Call his bluff basically. Good employees leave controlling and bullying bosses all the time and start up on their own. No reason why you can’t too.