Employed by husband - anyone?

[TeamSpirit]

Hi. I live in another European country. Because of my mental health (anxiety, ADHD) and physical health (missing 3 "discs" in my lower back) I am in a "programme", in lack of better word, where I only have to work 6 hours, but get payed full time. Normal in my country, and not up to debate. Just for back ground.
I have searched high and low for jobs, but 6 hour jobs is non existent, except for cleaning, which my back cant do.
Anyway, my husband, who works full time (8-4) also has a business at home. We made that together, although he is the one on the papers. we live on a farm, and he is a bee breeder. He suggested to employ me 6 hours a week, to do a specific job. I have done that job a year now, and I absolutely love it. It has giving me so much, mental health wise, to get out of the unemployment office and to feel I have a job. That energy I use on my kids, house work and my mental health. (started a yoga class!!)
Last night, we discussed my working methods. And my husband was not happy. I do my job 2-3 times a week, which is more than sufficiant. He wants me to do it every day. It is not needed, in my opinion, and I use my 6 hours, regardless if I do it every day or not. we make the same money if I do it every day or not.

And he then used the "but I am the boss of you". I KNOW he is, technically, on paper, but the business is called TEAM something and I think it is a total shit thing to say. I explained that he was boss on paper, but I thought we were a team, and I think he was pretty arrogant if he really thought he could be boss, like that.

And now we dont speak. He went to bed (8.30) and got up this morning without a word.

In my job, it really doesnt matter, how many times a week it is done, the hours spent, are the same regardless. I am so hurt that he used the "I am the boss", I really went around here, loving being a team! As said before, I know he is boss, on paper, but no way I want him to be boss, in reality. Which will mean, I will go back to unemployment with all that comes with it. Huge impact on my every day. But I am really hurt, that we are not a team, I am beneath him.

Am I overreacting? Please be gentle, I know I am lucky to even have this job, but I made it WITH him, we made everything together. Only difference is he is on the papers. And I think he is arrogant to say this. What do you think?

appreciate that this isnt really the point, but are you by any chance in denmark and is this a flexjob? Because they are quite hard to come by, so if you do need to expand the business by a few hours the jobcenter would have some good candidates. That way you could increase production and keep your working hours.

I cant "take" my units. As I said in my first post, because of my disabilities, I am in a "programme", which means I work 6 hours a week, but I Get full pay.

My husband pays me for the 6 hours I do work, and I get the rest from government. If I should own the business, I would not get the compensation. (Many in this programme has done this, as it is impossible to find 6 hours work anywhere. Government dont care who I work for, husband, neighbor or local kindergarden. But I loose compensation if I made own business- and as I only work 6 hours, I cant. )

Last night I asked him to fire me, if he was so unhappy with me. He wont. I could quit, if I didnt like it. But I do like it. I love it. If he would just butt out and let me do my thing. And YES I feel it is MY work. He is on papers, proforma, as I could not do myself. But he got ambitious with me, and I dont need that.

It pays my salery. It is all it was ever meant to do. I dont understand why he does this.

Redexpat - yes Im in Denmark and yes it is a flex job. And it was only ever meant to pay my salary, we dont need to expand, at all.

And yes, flex job is impossible to find. I think it went to my husbands head. I think he think I need to be gratefull, and more "obidient", and not have an opinion, now he has "saved" me from unemployment. Not saying it is how it is, but it sure feels like it, when he has to be The Boss.

Sounds awful OP. What a terrible scheme from the government. Sorry I’m not help but I think you’re right to be upset at him and sounds like a very difficult situation.

If you can work for anyone why can’t you work for yourself. I am an employee in my own company
It sounds like a great scheme.

That’s what I thought by the OP has clarified that self-employed people don’t get the assistance.

but* the OP has clarified.

Sorry

I think it is a wonderful "scheme", as it keeps a lot of people off unemployment, even though we dont contribute as much as the rest of you.

i honestly thought he was only to be boss on paper, but it was my thing.

I dont want to go back to unemployment. There are no jobs. And I still have to apply for full time jobs, as I have to apply for jobs every week, regardless if it is full time or part time. Just apply. I think it is a waste of my time, the time of people who need a full time worker and a waste of the job center, that I have to apply for several full time jobs every week, everybody knows I cant manage.

So this was a god sent. So perfect. But now.. I dont know. I am so hurt and I see him in a completely different light - as he obviously do, regarding me!

Now I understand. It's your company except in name because otherwise you wouldn't get benefits from the government. Your husband works in a place where he sells your products to his co workers. You can easily sell the products you make or source so don't need to change what you're doing to please his co workers.

Yes Musti! So WHY does he do this???!?

I thinking because he wants to please his colleagues and is trying different ways. However, he doesn't have any power over you so just ignore him. You're bringing in a full time wage and doing all childcare and housework as well as managing your illness. That is more than enough!!

Sorry when I said a terrible scheme I mean making it specifically so you can’t be self employed but anyone else including family can set up a company with the recipient of the funds as the sole employee.

Considering how vulnerable unemployed people often are, this has abuse stamped all over it.

If you could have your own company I would be in full agreement of it being a wonderful scheme.

The devil is in the detail.

Just had a 20 minut phone conversation with him. Not all nice.

But we ended sort of friendly, and some positives came out of it. He dont mean to be the boss and he think I took it out of context, as he meant "on paper". Right. I told him the next time he say it, and he better fire me, or i quit myself.
He has a tendency to be unpleasent, if he cant manage the conversation. Very rare, though.

I will get total freedom with my units, he will bring monday and thursday, and otherwise stay out of it.

Im still pissed of. Because of that side of him, the unpleasentness. He know I love this job, he knows the hell the jobcenter is .And I think he threaten me, when he say "well lets just close the business, then", and belittle me when he remind me of who is the boss. It is a power trip, in my eyes.

Well, lets see how it goes.

Batteries - yes I think he exploits that! He has all the power. I didnt think it was a problem, it hasnt been before. That I was aware of, anyway.

I would SO love to do this myself. I HATE that he has used that I am vulnerable to highlight his power.

You want to be employed in order to benefit from the scheme. But you don't want to be employed as you don't like being told what to do. You can't have it both ways.

Unless you're suggesting that you're employed in name only? In which case, you're playing the system.

I put this in relationship, because my issue is him. The way he manages.

We agreed to make business together, but only he can be on papers. It is not playing the system, as some has suggested - we have been in meeting with jobcenter, they have been the ones making the papers about my job, what I do, what I get payed etc. They know everything there is to know, and they support it. (I am in a job, therefore not their problem anymore, succes for them)

And I thought we were a team. That is my issue. When he lack words in a discussion, he get unpleasent and i feel he get a bit like a bully, with the power trip on BOSS.

I cant make business myself, as a flexworker. And somehow it came between my husband and myself. I dont understand why. Finanses in business are ok. He HUGELY benefit from me being at home. He dont need to be The Boss over me, I just do things differently than he would, but the money we make is completely the same. So why do he need to interfere and be bossy?

I am maby making a bit drama over this, some may say - but I think he is a bit abusive, just not sure if im seing ghosts..

I know its frustrating but technically it is his business and you are an employee. You do have a choice, quit or negotiate. You really aren't in a position to dictate because you aren't your own boss.

Where do you live that the job centre has a say in how a private company is run? If you want to run a ‘hobby’ business - how can they prevent it ? I am interested genuinely : not trying to be difficult. If you set up on your own you still wouldn’t be on their books, your Husband wouldn’t be your boss - can’t a small business can still be a good business ?

Isaid, I live in Denmark. Where we have "flex jobs". I have been tested up and down, by doctors and job center, and they agreed I have 6 hour work in me, a week. So, if I get a job, with 6 hours, I get full pay. The government "supplement" the rest. You can say what you want about it, but that is, what it is, in Denmark.

So. If I want to work, I need employment. I cant just make my own business, because I cant support myself on those 6 hours.

Please understand that this flex job, is government decided, because the next step is as a "early retirement", which is more expensive for the tax payers.

So I need a job, like the rest of you. But 6 hours jobs are not hanging on trees. Jobcenter suggested to me, that husband made business and all is done in cooperation with them.

But I thought it was a formality, that is was MY thing. My job. He was just on paper.

And I feel he is mean to pull the boss card. And I am in shock, that he would do this. I didnt see it coming. And I dont understand it. Therefore I ask you all, what the fuck is going on - is he abusive, why this power trip? I make precicely the same amount of money if I do it his way or mine, customers love my product - WHY does he need to pre book my product and boss me around, and WHY does he have to remind me who is the boss.

I NEVER EVER shagged my boss, and I promise I am not starting now! I really thought we were a team. We even called the business Team whatever.

Interesting thread.

I used to employ my STBXH and I think its a big cause of why we are getting divorced.

He wanted to do everything at his leisure even when there were deadlines and on days when he was upset with me will not do the work at all no matter how many clients were desperate etc.
I wasn't his boss, were a team so he could do whatever he liked. Almost ruined the whole business. Unless both of you have the same vision its a disaster waiting to happen

Can you get a family member to employ you instead? Its his business in name only as you say so he has no right to tell you how to run it. He is just a tool to keep your benefits so you can get another tool. Perhaps a more agreeable one to sell the units for you. Then there will be no arguments at home.

We had a discussion last night. He didnt really understand the hurt I feel, by him saying he is the boss. Cause he is, right?

I tried to explain, how it makes me feel, he has all the power, as my choice is either to be his employee, or back to unemployment line. And I was quite upset by it.

He had a suggestion - if I was so unhappy, we could just close the business!

Isnt that abusive? I see it as a threat, made to shut me up!

Evening went in silence in front of tv. He is at work now. No kids here tonight, I have no clue what to do/what to expect. I am so hurt, and I feel he is supressing me.

I think Ellie’s suggestion above is excellent. Find a family member or friend to set up a business and do it all with them not your husband.

No. If he is abusive Im off. I just cant figure it out.

Am I overreacting? I dont trust myself - my anxiety is through the roof. But I think he is mean to remind me who has the power. He is the boss, and if Im unhappy, he can just close business.

We moved from my family, to the middle of bloody nowhere 2 years ago, to a farm. We all love it. I had to learn how to drive (!!! HELL on earth in my age and with my ADHD and anxiety - but I did pass, in the end) Now I feel I am totally dependent on him. And suddenly he saw this too - and reminding me, when I have an opinion, as in "let me do my job my way".

I cant think straight. But No - I am not making business with someone else here. Either I am wrong, and he is not abusive, or he is, and I leave.