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Original poster

So I've been ghosted.....

69 replies

Ginbaby · 18/09/2018 21:33

That's it really....and it stings like a b**ch.
Been seeing someone for close to 6 months, pretty non committal with little expectation from either party. This was due to work & family commitments.It was a mixture of nights out & meeting at each others places.

I did wonder at times where it was headed & what he really thought of me but sat back & acted cool with the arrangement. I really did like him but did'nt want to be seen to push for 'relationship' status. So I let it run along.

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago he started texting quite 'romantic' things to me (he's always been nice though) and said he really needed to see me. When we met up he was VERY loving & kept telling me how much he had fallen for me. Didn't think he had it in him anymore & realised since he met me he didn't want to be on his own. Asking me if I thought he was affectionate enough.

Okay I thought, whats going on here? I didn't say the same back as to be honest as felt abit taken aback.( I was treated very badly in my last relationship, so incredibly weary) I did like what I was hearing though.

Soooo, fast forward to this weekend and we met up again (had seen each other inbetween this time) having a great evening. We then were jokingly disagreeing about something (bantering really). He made a comment about it being our 1st relationship arguement.

I then said 'well are we in a relationship then? I think we probably need to have a conversation about that?' in a light airy way. His response was not what I expected. He literally didn't want to discuss it...at all!! I got abit frustrated & told him I felt vunerable by his actions as all I wanted to establish where he thought we were headed & where he would like it to go? If anywhere.

The most I got was that he still felt the same about me as he had an hour earlier & that I should know how he felt about me as he had told me already. Okay....so I thought leave it then.....We continued chatting(about other stuff) and eventually he had to go home. All very loving when we said goodbye.

I sent him a watsapp the following morning....he read it....and nothing in return....not a dicky bird...

He's been online to since as I kept going onto his profile & stared at the screen in disbelief. I really can't believe he would do that....WTAF.....I'm gutted in all honesty. Anyone had any similar experience /kind words or advice? I'm feeling shit!

OP posts:
Cuttingthegrass · 18/09/2018 21:53

Is he confused and hurt thinking you don't have the same level of feeling for him? Does sound strange

Cuttingthegrass · 18/09/2018 21:54

Meant to also say sorry this is happening.

twilightsaga · 18/09/2018 22:04

How long has it been since you messaged? He may just be taking a while

Sonjing · 18/09/2018 22:10

OP this sucks. Been there a couple of weeks ago. This speaks volumes about the kind of person he really is. You are better than that, and deserve someone who has the spine to at the very least send a text to end things.

Lifeisabeach09 · 18/09/2018 22:10

He likely will respond at some point but I find his behaviour childish.
Resist the temptation to contact him and block him.

To be frank, you weren't that sure about him. If he'd been Mr Right, I feel you would have known and would have been more sure about the relationship.

Delete him and move on.

Have drinks with your friends to cheer yourself up.

Original poster
Ginbaby · 18/09/2018 22:11

Thank you.

He said he knew that I liked him from the way I was with him. It's been 4 days of radio silence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ginbaby · 18/09/2018 22:18

I'm definately not going to contact him as that will look like I care....which I do but no way do I want him to know how I'm feeling.
He was always pretty straightfoward & direct thats why I think I'm struggling with his silence. He was probably the last person I would expect to do that.

Sorry you went through the same thing Sonjing. It really does suck!

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 19/09/2018 06:10

I’d probably give him a week and then block him. It takes back the power because he’ll see that your picture has gone and know that you’ve done it. Sorry he’s acted this way.

Original poster
Ginbaby · 19/09/2018 07:58

You are probably right there Angel. Alternatively, he doesn't give a shit anyway. I shouldn't even care really tbh should I? Confused

OP posts:
Amazonfromkent · 19/09/2018 10:11

I know how confusing, upsetting and mind boggling that is, went through similar last year, then he came back 2 months later professing undying love, then dumped me again 3 months later. I don't know what's wrong with people.

Original poster
Ginbaby · 19/09/2018 10:36

Wow thats cruel Amazon. What were his reasons for ghosting you in the first place? Did you keep trying to contact after he did it initially?

OP posts:
Amazonfromkent · 19/09/2018 10:50

He said the usual, it's not you, it's me, need to sort my head out, too fast too soon, etc etc. Then we stayed in sporadic contact as 'fruends' and I started dating other people to try and stop myself from losing my mind over this totally unexpected turn of events. 2 months later he told me he had never loved anyone as much as me etc etc. Weirdo.

glitterystuff · 19/09/2018 11:07

Can I ask? Do you feel the same about him as he told you he feels about you? If so, why don't you want him to know?

It sounds as if he's confused/hurt as he thinks you don't feel the same way. I don't blame him for not wanting to be involved if he thinks it's one sided.

I think it might be worth sending a message and being honest about your feelings about him. And let him know why you're scared.

I really do think this just sounds like a case of miscommunication.

I hope it goes well for you either way. Smile

Original poster
Ginbaby · 19/09/2018 11:15

Amazon, what a dick and a total headf**k.

Glittery, he said he 'knew' how I felt about him and didn't need me to tell himHmm.
As my actions spoke louder than words.
I honestly thought that by having a conversation with him about a possible future, he would jump at the chance to say something positive instead of refusing to discuss it.

I do (did) really like him but when he went all 'closed book' on me, I backed off. Self preservation kicked in I guess.

OP posts:
PookieDo · 19/09/2018 11:43

This happened to me in what I thought was a relationship

He went on a planned holiday 8/9 months in then vanished in a poof of air and I never heard from him again

He had some of my things so I text him asking for them back and he dumped them in his garden (still did not reply)

I saw him a couple years later and he said it wasn’t a relationship and he was seeing other women. It really bloody hurt. But it says much more about them than it does you

slippyshoesshuffle · 19/09/2018 12:03

Guys like this are playing the online dating system, stringing more that one woman along and always hoping someone 'better' will pop up and if they do you will cease to exist as far as the guy is concerned.

You need to learn to spot them earlier, 6 months is a long time to waste on a wanker. If you saved the messages from the first chat go back and have a look at what now seems a give-away in retrospect. Talk about freedom, personal space, not being understood, crazy exes and so on are red flags.

Run a mile from anyone who uses the word Soulmate Grin

slippyshoesshuffle · 19/09/2018 12:07

Just to add that at first the dating for women is all about the heart, and for men it's all about the dick. Anyone who professes undying love but didn't reply to you for two weeks is just pressing your buttons and is in reality not worth your bother.

Amazonfromkent · 19/09/2018 12:08

Thing is, I was to rally lovebombed, and it had never happened to me before, and I fell for it. He sounded so in love, in such awe, so into me. Literally a month later it changed overnight. I feel so stupid and gullible. And I'm 45!!!! Totally broke my heart. Oh well. Live and learn, although I still can't quite accept such treatment. Sad really.

PolkaDoting · 19/09/2018 12:12

Just to add that at first the dating for women is all about the heart, and for men it's all about the dick

Grin what absolute bollocks!!!

Onemansoapopera · 19/09/2018 12:13

You're game playing whether for self preservation or not and you need to take a look at your own actions here. He was straight about his feeling you were not and are not being by your own description. I think you're at fault here.

Weightsandmeasures · 19/09/2018 12:14

It is likely that you reaction put him off. He probably felt that he was very open about his feelings but you refused to reciprocate. Just because he said he knows you like him does not mean he did not desire confirmation.

Personally, to me it sounds like much to much playing games. If you like him, tell him. What's the problem? Why ay these childish games?

Weightsandmeasures · 19/09/2018 12:14

*Why play these childish games.

Weightsandmeasures · 19/09/2018 12:16

Onemansoapopera, I agree. I share your views on this matter.

Onemansoapopera · 19/09/2018 12:23

And in fact, I think he was vulnerable and open ...and you questioned whether you were even in a relationship (what is loght and airy anyway?) ..so he's back off completely..wouldn't you? You both appeared to want the same thing, but you questioned it. I think you need to message and apologise for questioning it and then picking it apart, honestly. If you still want him in your life now's the time to show him. I suspect though, you've possibly nipped something lovely in the bud.

Original poster
Ginbaby · 19/09/2018 12:58

Thanks for your replies ladies. That is definitely food for thought.

I think you would have had to be there to understand why I said what I said. He was out & out dismissive about discussing it.

HIS tone set the precedence here,not mine I might add. I don't think I'm playing games, even if it looked that way. I'm 48, not a teenage girl.

I'll go away & have a good think...thanks again all x

OP posts: