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Original poster

How do you deal with husband's other kids?

65 replies

Irinn · 18/09/2018 17:04

Hi everyone!))

My DH has 3 kids from 3 different women (never married) and they live in other countries. He told me about them when we started dating (it was a bit forced confession, but it doesnt matter much) and I cant say that I was happy with that, especially that the "last one" was still pregnant, but I was so much in love and he told me some fairytales (now I know) about how he doesnt want to have anything with her ever and its just she decided to keep that baby. Anyway, at that moment I thought that we will see how it will go. Not so long after I got pregnant (what this man is eating? Grin ), we got married and I moved here, in UK.
So, 2 kids live in South Africa, 5 and 9 yo. He didnt see them for ages and not much in touch, just send money every month. But that last one...Ive seen their chat where he was saying how happy he is and how he is looking forward to that baby to arrive and when I was abroad for few month with our DS, he was inviting her to visit for 2 weeks...I didnt know anything about that.
It all looks like some madness to me. He tells me that he is just trying to be amicable with her. But I absolutely lost my tolerance to that situation and dont have any desire to live and wait when SHE will show up here with that child.

So I'd like to know how does it look in your relations if your DH has kids from previous relations? And what would you suggest me to do?

OP posts:
wolfywolfy · 18/09/2018 17:06

I'm the nicest way possible, why are you with this man ?
It's not looking good.

Pumpkinpie2018 · 18/09/2018 17:07

Seriously?

Trinity66 · 18/09/2018 17:09

Well, it doesn't sound like the normal kind of step kid situation, so he's now got 4 kids by 4 different women? The fact that he doesn't have much to do with any of them would turn me right off to be honest, what kind of a man does that make him and what kind of a father will that make him to your child?

Also he's obviously a liar as well, he should see his child but he should also not be hiding that

AliceRR · 18/09/2018 17:12

I typed a reply but then realised I’d misunderstood.

I think your situation will be slightly unusual given he has had children with four different woman and they live in other countries...

An EOW weekend type situation, which is quite common, is not how it would work for you

Very odd he was invited an ex to come over while you were away

Cheeseplantandpickle · 18/09/2018 17:22

He sounds marvellous.

Mrskeats · 18/09/2018 17:26

Well I honestly don’t know what to say
I love how you regard it all as a bit of a joke though. Leaving a trail of kids all over the place is grim.

Duchessgummybuns · 18/09/2018 17:30

This man doesn’t want a partner, he wants brood mares. Get rid.

Original poster
Irinn · 18/09/2018 17:53

I know it’s not looking good and honestly I’m with this man just because I feel a bit trapped financially and so on (not so easy to grab a kid and move back home).

It’s just I was in love (brain activity switched off) and everything seemed different before i’ve seen their chat🤦🏻‍♀️
So I’m wondering how it works in other families.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 18/09/2018 17:58

What's being in love got to do with it, sorry but you've just added yourself to his list of scattered women and kids; he's a bit of a sad bastard really; can't really advise as I've never heard this before.

Just weird you never protected yourself from being impregnated, you knew his history.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 18/09/2018 18:21

What did you expect, OP? Flowers

He has 3 kids with 3 different women.

Do you honestly think you are the last one?

I'd be long gone.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 18/09/2018 18:25

Not so long after I got pregnant

So how did that happen? Did your birth control fail? I mean you'd just found out he had 3 kids with 3 mothers, none of whom he's married, one of whom is still pregnant, and then you got pregnant. Surely you didn't do this on purpose?

This man's got so many red flags they could be used as bunting. Now you've discovered he invited another of the mothers to stay for two weeks while you were out of the country. Where do you think she was going to sleep? Seriously.

I can't imagine this man turning out to be a faithful or reliable husband. But you should have known that when you married him. You had all the information.

It's up to you how long you give this relationship. I'd be very surprised if he isn't already looking for another woman to have baby 5.

Original poster
Irinn · 18/09/2018 19:24

i know that i had all the information, i wasn’t thinking with my head.
yes, birth control failed, i didn’t want to have kids/family on that early stage.
it is what is now

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 18/09/2018 19:36

So this will be 4 x 4.
Your judge of character off base.

AliceRR · 18/09/2018 20:21

I don’t think it is helpful to keep chastising OP on her choice of baby father.

What is it you want to know OP? As we’ve said, yours doesn’t seem to be a typical step parent / step child situation

Original poster
Irinn · 18/09/2018 22:20

well, all i wanted to know is how it normally works... e.i your DH is close with his ex, do they chat all the time, are you involved, etc.?

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 18/09/2018 22:26

Suggest you do? Leave. I don't think he'll put up much of a fight.

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 18/09/2018 22:28

Is this for real?

Original poster
Irinn · 19/09/2018 08:00

@PatriciaHolm i agree and don’t see many other options. he will fight i guess, as i already was going to leave on what he said that he won’t give me to take our son

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 19/09/2018 08:02

Good Lord I'd run a mile from the Sperminator

LIZS · 19/09/2018 08:13

How old is the baby and your ds now? Why is he inviting an "ex" while you are away if there is nothing to it. He sounds like a serial philanderer, likely to find a 5th if he hasn't already. Is he a good partner and role model? Respectful towards women? Sending money randomly is not the same as being a loving father and taking an active interest in his offspring.

ShatnersWig · 19/09/2018 08:27

Oh for fuck's sake OP seriously, what the fuck have you been playing at?

You've had loads of threads about this total wanker of a husband. On 1 September you were planning on divorcing him in the near future. On 10 Sept you were arguing and didn't know what to do. On 14 Sept you were asking about places to live outside the M25 for you and your husband (although it was him who wanted to move).

He's cheated on you, he's financially abusive, he says he never wanted to marry you, all this AFTER you knew he had three children with three women, and got with him while one of them was still pregnant, and even though you had to FORCE him to tell you this in the EARLY STAGES OF DATING you were by this time in love with him.

Go and have a look at all your other threads, OP (suggest other posters may wish to to post based on the full picture).

Wake up and smell the coffee.

troodiedoo · 19/09/2018 08:30

a decent father would have an amicable relationship with the mother of his children. civil at the very least.

you appear to be up shit creek here. obviously you should try and make the best of any situation but I can't see how that's possible. poor children.

troodiedoo · 19/09/2018 08:32

thanks @ShatnersWig

AliceRR · 19/09/2018 08:37

I think relationship with an ex varies. Some spend time with the child and ex partner together to give child family time especially when younger eg birthdays and Christmas.

For many others it’s more like a business relationship.

But inviting an ex to stay while you are away is not ok nor is keeping things from you.

I am involved with kids as we have them EOW but not very involved with ex as she isn’t keen on me. She sees me as reason for end of relationship although they were over when I let DH and we have now been together over ten years. I see her occasionally but DH tends to do pick up and drop offs so I see her briefly a couple of times a year maybe.

safetyfreak · 19/09/2018 08:47

The old, birth control failed eh.

He must be some Casanova.

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