How do you deal with husband's other kids?

[Irinn]

Hi everyone!))

My DH has 3 kids from 3 different women (never married) and they live in other countries. He told me about them when we started dating (it was a bit forced confession, but it doesnt matter much) and I cant say that I was happy with that, especially that the "last one" was still pregnant, but I was so much in love and he told me some fairytales (now I know) about how he doesnt want to have anything with her ever and its just she decided to keep that baby. Anyway, at that moment I thought that we will see how it will go. Not so long after I got pregnant (what this man is eating? ), we got married and I moved here, in UK.
So, 2 kids live in South Africa, 5 and 9 yo. He didnt see them for ages and not much in touch, just send money every month. But that last one...Ive seen their chat where he was saying how happy he is and how he is looking forward to that baby to arrive and when I was abroad for few month with our DS, he was inviting her to visit for 2 weeks...I didnt know anything about that.
It all looks like some madness to me. He tells me that he is just trying to be amicable with her. But I absolutely lost my tolerance to that situation and dont have any desire to live and wait when SHE will show up here with that child.

So I'd like to know how does it look in your relations if your DH has kids from previous relations? And what would you suggest me to do?

Very few people on here will be in the same situation as you with a man in a different country who has 3 children already by three different women scattered across the globe, so it’s pointless asking what their set up is.

Chances are this man-who can’t keep it in his pants and has no awareness of birth control-will impregnate someone else at some point soon. Bear that in mind.

I would be getting myself down the std clinic. I think I would also be moving home.

dont know about usage of condoms by other people, in my case it didnt help.
@Snappedandfarted2018 i'm not making excuses, i'm saying that it didnt seem for me like a red flag or whatever. About his ex I dont want to talk much. But I guess IT IS mental to tell a guy that you having a pill, when you dont and after he lives you pregnant text him in a manner like they are together, but its just he lives abroad.

@Heratnumber7 thanks)) I'll figure that out

@Charlie97 thanks, thats what I want to do. had full health check 2 months ago - all ok. why would you think that he is shagging somebody?

Sounds more like your partner led her to believe they WERE together if that's how she texted him. And she is no more 'mental' than your bloke not practicing safe sex and casually creating life all over the globe.

And you only have his word for what she did anyway - its just as likely they agreed to have a baby, or he knew she wasn't using contraception but didn't wear a condom anyway.

Honestly if DD brought home so done who had 3 kids by 3 women I would tell her to run like the wind.

Someone

@TwistedStitch @PatriciaHolm well, yes, i obviously dont know all the truth and not bothered now to figure that out, i already have enough reasons to leave.

@SnuggyBuggy I wish somebody would bring me down on earth before i made all stupid stuff that i did.

I feel for you as obviously not everyone has the kind of upbringing or people in their life that mean they learn to avoid toxic people and it leaves them do vulnerable.

@Charlie97 thanks, thats what I want to do. had full health check 2 months ago - all ok. why would you think that he is shagging somebody?

Because in your previous posts you've found separate stashes of viagra .....

How on earth did you end up getting pregnant by this man given the history he revealed to you. I have a couple of friends who were with similar types, got them pregnant and then moved on to the next, children all over the place. I would not be concerning myself how to work through this recent development regarding one of the other mothers as I do not think he will be around for very much longer to be honest.

@SnuggyBuggy thank you

@Charlie97 well, maybe. but if he does/was then she is/was some daytime only fuckbuddy. what would be weird, but i wouldnt be surprised (what else he possibly can surprise me with? ). and i didnt find anything in his phones, so maybe actually that was little rare truth him saying that its something old and bla bla

@crimsonlake well, how how... i didnt want to use pills as after previous time ive had unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, so it was condom, which even didnt broke (i mean we never had broken condoms). so just like that. i wish he wont be around much longer, would be easier for me

What precautions are you taking to avoid another pregnancy?

I think you need to get some legal advice regarding your residency rights. It sounds as though you don't believe this relationship to be long term, so getting things in order would seem like a sensible strategy.

I'm confused... Are you still pregnant, or have you had the baby already?

I already have enough reasons to leave.

So leave. He's hardly a catch.

@Gazelda I'm having pills and we dont sleep together much anymore and i dont feel like sleeping with him at all (i guess this type of contraception is really 100%). I'm trying to contact citizensadvice but the line is all the time busy. I know approximately how my immigration status will look like

@Cliveybaby no, im not. we have a 1yo kid

@SandyY2K i'm going to as soon as will get ready.