41 yo partner watching teen porn, my teenager wants to bring a girl friend home

[Snoopy37]

I've noticed a few times my partner acting very weird around young women and teenagers. He's 41. He acts almost giddy forgetting everyone else around. I checked his internet history finding lots of teen porn, normal porn, teenagers stripping or in their bedrooms. I found a receipt for a virtual porn experience of watching a young teenage girl in her bedroom undressing. I'm pretty creeped out at the thought if my 41 year old male partner jacking off to teenagers (who are children really, a teen is a child until turning 18). We have a very quiet sex life, I don't feel much of a connection when we do with it always in the dark, it doesn't feel like other lovers I've had. I have a teenage son looking to bring a 14 year girlfriend home but I'm feeling very creeped out. He's asked me to wear a school dress before and I found a pair of pink stripy very childish stockings in his house he said an ex had (we have been together 2 years)

I'm thinking of leaving him - I don't think is normal behavoir and I'm worried I've got a oedophile on my hands. I don't even think I could be intimate again with him knowing the faconation he has for teenagers/children in my opinion

Am I overreacting ? Is this normal ?

Sunflowerr do you think that chart is somehow reassuring?

I mean, how the fuck did we get to this point? Where the 7th most searched for porn depicts girls who are unable to consent to sex? What is this doing to society in general? FFS

Do you have any DDs, OP? If so, are they okay?

I’m so glad you’re getting out of this. You’re very brave

Report him if you have any idea he is watching under age girls.

I would let the police know actually

Get rid of him!!!

No, not all men do this, BUT, even if they did, so what? It doesn’t mean women would have to accept it. Do you think men would shrug and accept it if ALL women cheated? Of course not.

He’s a scum bag, and you don’t need that in your life.

@deathgrip did I at any point say I thought it was reassuring? OP asked if it was common, that chart is an illustration to answer her question. I even said it's totally objective information. That's just the facts, take from it what you will.

Given how mainstream Pornhub is, I'm sure they must have an over 18 policy, how easy it is to lie and circumvent it, I don't know. So, in this context, 'teen' must mean 18/19 or early twenties I would guess. Not 13+. So legally allowed to consent to it. How consensual consent really is for any woman in this situation is another subject all together.

I'm by no means an expert but if the guy is watching videos uploaded to mainstream porn sites on the normal internet not the dark net then I'm sure it's unlikely he's done anything the police will be interested in.

In fact, here are the rules for uploading to pornhub. Again, I'll qualify that I don't know how the process works or how easy it is to lie.

As I said in a previous comment, on pornhub the girls probably are all of legal age BUT in this kind of porn they’re deliberately chosen and made up to look like girls who are underage, and that’s what the users are getting of to. It’s extremely disturbing.

I don't know any man who does this! And even if lots do you don't have to accept being in a relationship with somebody like that.
I have little daughters, teen daughters and adult daughters...your post made my skin crawl. I really hope you find the strength to leave him AND tell him how gross and disrespectful he is. Ugh.

I'm sure some but not all have been made to look underage, some will look 18/19. Very unpleasant of course, but not illegal. If OP has no evidence that he's done anything other than look at those types of sites then I think she's only going to cause herself more stress by reporting to police and should leave it be. Absolutely correct and within her rights to not want a relationship with him and how awful that she can't trust him around a 14 year old but a clean break would be better than dragging it out if there's actually no evidence he's broken any laws.

Like it or not, disgusting or not, disturbing or not, fact is that it's common.

Don't worry about "all men". Thinking in those broad and general terms doesn't help. This is about your relationship. One day he may over-step the mark, or commit a crime, and he may get caught. Do you want to end up as one of those worn down "standing by her creepy man" women who people view as complicit because she must have known he was dodgy and she still stayed and let him be around kids?

You're worried about a 14 year old girl visiting your home because of how your DP may react to her. That is not normal!!

Firstly - well done for taking the steps to get rid of him.

As for reasoning as to why men like him involve themselves with people who are the opposite of what they desire - they want to show everyone else that they are seemingly normal and can be trusted. The other side to it is that if a partner has a child or teenager that is attractive to them, or they can bring kids or teens into the home that are attractive to them, that's why they do it. It's disgusting, but it's a known tactic.

Next step is to alert the police. I'm sorry if you already have and I missed it, bit scattered today.

Also the reason why we don't think we know many men who do this - is because they keep it well hidden. I don't want to say how I know this, but god the amount of men who like this is... it's staggering.

Well done you. I know exactly what you mean about the giddiness. That was my partner who was a sex addict. Little did I know. I checked his search and it was teens and Chinese girls and escorts etc. Just awful. You are protecting your son and his innocent friends

@Sunflowerr that's just PornHub though.

The OP said her DP paid to watch a teenage girl undress on a camera. That certainly want on pornhub. That's the kind of thing that exploited, underage girls (and boys) are forced to do. And is funded by people like this man paying for the service!

@GreenMeerkat an animated clip - sounds like no children were exploited for that particular clip.

@subspace oh.... did I miss where she said it was animated?

I guess that's not so much an issue then but the getting giddy around teenagers is still a little off.

never assume that things are Ok with underage and trafficked girls just because they are “out in the open”. We under- resource CEOPS and indeed consumer standards organisations in this country and the private businesses that run websites protect themselves by channelling servers through jurisdictions with lower ages of consent. Ethical consumption inckuding of porn- but equally applicable to food, hair extensions, clothes- everything- involves being awake, and responsible- making sure you vote with your feet and change the world by forcing companies to do what the consumer wants- that means checking terms and conditions and whether the site involved has any statement of an ethical policy or checking procedures and how it verified uploaded videos and if you cant find what you want emailing and asking, and then taking your business elsewhere.
Never ever assume. This world isnt set up that way.

Well done OP for getting away but what a disturbing thing and I hope you have some friends to help you process what just happened to you- your instincts kicked in but they almost didnt and you will be in some shock as that sinks in- get a frind round for a cuddle. Wishing you well. X

Also yes report- police are underresourced too but if their computer systems work, its always helpful to have more than one suspicion on file to force through action. You may not be the first...

Yuck. Well done on giving him the boot. If i was you I couldn't bear the thought of letting him touch me knowing his disgusting fantasies.

Animated content does not come away from the fact that men like this are disgusting. Animated content is the way they get around the illegal aspect. It's still revolting.

Snoopy37 I really feel for you. I understand the confusion and the mindfog based on your past, it's exactly how I was. I had therapy and spoke to some child protection agencies the therapist and the CP agency disclosed everything to the police and the police completely sided against me as though I were a vengeful ex and refused to search his ICT stating that it could ruin his job, life etc.
It's very hard to get your head around the whole thing when you're enmeshed in it.
Keep talking, get lots of advice too xx

@penisbeakers

Animated content does not come away from the fact that men like this are disgusting. Animated content is the way they get around the illegal aspect. It's still revolting

I'll put my tin hat on for this, but if animated content lets somebody get their illegal kicks without somebody being exploited or abused to make a video/image I'm all for it. OP's partner was viewing "barely legal/teen" porn too, with real young people, which I think is way more of a problem; those girls are real, are they actually all over 18 and consenting in a meaningful way? I strongly doubt that.

What I don't know is whether people who view animated images/videos are more (or less) likely to go on to use real porn or abuse people themselves.

People have all sorts of other fantasies that I find personally abhorrent, but if they want an outlet to fantasise about them without bringing them into real life or harming anybody indirectly, then I don't have a problem with that.

@subspace I know what you're saying - it's just knowing it's a step away from something is uncomfortable. I've been a kink person for a long time, and while that means I'm open minded, there are for example parts of the kink world that really make me feel ill. I try to remember what's between consenting adults is just that - but sometimes i see stuff and I think oh dear god that is BAD.

This situation right here definitely makes me feel sick. I'm glad the OP managed to kick him out.

Subspace animated images are also illegal eg this case
www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/anime-fan-convicted-over-illegal-7958896

Definitely involve police. This could be tip of the iceberg. Filth like this man are supporting trafficking in the most appalling exploitation and suffering. The police want to deal with it and it’s our duty to help them.

@penisbeaker I hear you.

@usernc1234 gosh, I didn't know that. Fair play. Perhaps my theory is best left as a purely academic exercise then!