41 yo partner watching teen porn, my teenager wants to bring a girl friend home

[Snoopy37]

I've noticed a few times my partner acting very weird around young women and teenagers. He's 41. He acts almost giddy forgetting everyone else around. I checked his internet history finding lots of teen porn, normal porn, teenagers stripping or in their bedrooms. I found a receipt for a virtual porn experience of watching a young teenage girl in her bedroom undressing. I'm pretty creeped out at the thought if my 41 year old male partner jacking off to teenagers (who are children really, a teen is a child until turning 18). We have a very quiet sex life, I don't feel much of a connection when we do with it always in the dark, it doesn't feel like other lovers I've had. I have a teenage son looking to bring a 14 year girlfriend home but I'm feeling very creeped out. He's asked me to wear a school dress before and I found a pair of pink stripy very childish stockings in his house he said an ex had (we have been together 2 years)

I'm thinking of leaving him - I don't think is normal behavoir and I'm worried I've got a oedophile on my hands. I don't even think I could be intimate again with him knowing the faconation he has for teenagers/children in my opinion

Am I overreacting ? Is this normal ?

I should imagine most men fantasise, just not about underage girls. They certainly don’t get giddy around young girls.

I went to my psychologust yesterday, we did a questionnaire about domestic violence and he ticked nearly all the boxes, from gaslighting to occasionally hitting or pushing to mind games and blaming me for every thing that goes wrong. I'm making a break from this partner of two years, thank God I didn't let him move in

So he's abusive as well -'occasionally ' hitting you is not ok op, and neither is all this stuff around the porn. Trust your instincts and get rid.

You've done exactly the right thing. He's out of your life. It doesn't matter whether it's 'normal' or not (it isn't). It made you uncomfortable so you showed him the door.
Not to mention all of the other abuse he was putting you through.
I hope you are finding the psychologist useful in addressing your past. And I'm so sorry about your Dad.
Please try not to give ex another thought. He wasn't the right man for you.

Its difficult because what if all men do this, but he's just the one who got caught.

Even if (and I do know this is NOT the case!) all men were watching teen porn or getting aroused by the idea of having sex with a teenager, it doesn’t mean this wouod be normal and acceptable.
Think about it. At some point in history, slavery was normal but does it mean it was acceptable?
At some point, women weren’t allowed to have a bank account of their own. They also couldn’t say NO to sex with their husband. All men were demanding sex and were xpecting their dw to do it, even when they didn’t want to. Did that make it right and acceptable?

Nope.

Do NOT accept something that is so over your own boundaries just because there is the POSSIBILLITY all (or rather most or even Moore likely some) men find that normal.

Oh missed your last posts.

That’s excellent! You’ve done the right thing. For you and for your dcs.
Please do keep his number blocked and don’t let him come back into your life.
And keep talking to your psychologist. I think you’re right about not knowing what boundaries are and not trusting your instinct.
This guy was bad news all around. You can NOT trust a word of what he said, incl the idea thatniuts normal for grown up men to fancy teenagers like this.

I'm thinking of leaving him

Yes. This is the answer.

Op you’ve done exactly the right thing, and it was really courageous.

Even if underage / barely legal porn is being normalised, it’s no reason to accept it, and it doesn’t make it right because It will have damaging consequences in society.

Your instincts are there to
protect you , which is why you were appalled by what you found. You can trust yourself to know.

I think I've given up on men, my psychologist said "maybe you just think this how ppl who you love treat you, that this is normal". I think single is better than this. I don't know if I'll ever find a nice decent man, I met this guy in church believe it or not, he treated me so well up to a point then the rages and secrecy became an issue

So I hacksd his emails and synced his Google account to our PlayStation and got his Google search history and felt sick. I guess I knew something was happening but not to that extent

Someone on here said it was the tip of the iceberg what I've seen, imagine what he's hidden from me that I didn't find

But why would he work his way into my family ? Everytime I've gone to break up, he holds on so tight ? What's the point ? Given we have sex only rarely, he's obviously has pedophile tendencies, why work his way into our lives ? Why not just try to find a very young woman to brainwash ?

Thank you everyone so much 😥but don't stop comenting, I'm reading and re-reading each and every post

It's called grooming.
And why the drip feed?
Just report him now

Because by being with you he is keeping up the facade of living a normal life.

It would be an absolute deal breaker for me, and no amount of persuasion would make me reconsider.

You are doing the right thing. Absolutely.

Don’t doubt yourself.

But why would he work his way into my family?

You offer him respectability, people are less likely to question a man in a relationship. On some level maybe he does have feelings for you too, however he is not respecting you and you cannot forget this. For me I could not go back to him. It must be so hard having just lost your father. I would try to get some more real life support.

This does need reporting OP.

He is contributing to child sexual exploitation by the sounds of it.

The way you describe his behaviour around teenagers is a huge red flag too.

Well done. You are so brave and right for binning him. I would also say maybe think about reporting him.
It is one of the biggest regrets of my life that I didn’t report an ex partner to the police when I found this kind of stuff on his computer. It was “tween” porn - young teens (under 14) posing provocatively in their pants and skimpy clothes. Somehow he convinced me it was legal just because they weren’t totally naked. I feel sick even writing that. I also thought it might look like revenge as he dumped me when I confronted him about what I’d found.
It was 5 years ago but I still can’t get the thought out of my head about what if he carries out his fantasies in real life and I did nothing about the giant red warning sign. He lives abroad now so the moment has probably passed.

Well done for splitting from him OP but I hope you are reporting him to the police also. Please please do it to protect children from monsters like him

For goodness sake, get rid of him! He's a pervert. What sort of home is it where a teenager cannot be invited round for an evening?

Why you are still with the man is beyond me unless you have financial entanglements; even so dump him quick!

Please report him to the police. You could help prevent his behaviour escalating. These type of men don't just spontaneously stop, nor will they get better.

Hi OP

There is no such thing as teen porn, all indecent images of under 18s are illegal and are child abuse. Accessing these kinds of images is a growing crime and you are not alone in coming to terms with discovering your partner is an offender, I am going through something similar. I would recommend contacting the Lucy Faithful foundation and their stopitnow website for advice, and keep going to your psychologist. Definitely end the relationship and be glad you're not married & don't have kids together. Good luck.

Perhaps he picked you because you are vulnerable and have a teenage child so he gets access to his perversion in real lifde.

OP I'm not saying he's in the right by any means and nor am I saying you should be ok with it. But from what you've said, I can't see evidence he's looking at children or anyone under 18, or committing a crime. I think often there's girls who look a lot younger than they are and I agree that's really quite disturbing, they look like minors.

Regardless of how many people do it, the issue with your relationship is how you feel about it. If it's a deal breaker for you, it doesn't matter if 99% of men search for teen porn.

To give you totally objective information, here's a chart with Pornhub's most searched for terms in 2017...

Run!!!

Well done for blocking him, it takes courage when someone is so manipulative and you've already been through so much. You can send his pictures, emails, browsing history to the police.

This is how fucked up society is. Your partner is wanking to graphic imagery depicting or insinuating the sexual abuse of children, and you’re questioning whether it’s normal / you’re overreacting.

No. It’s not normal. It’s fucking disgusting. It’s abusive. Those actresses may be 18 but they’re made up to look far younger. Your partner is a hebephile, at best.

Get out.

I am glad you are getting shot of him. You can sense the energy from him is not good. It is not safe for any of your boyfriend's friends or girlfriends to be in your house if he were to stay. Not to mention the fect he could be contaminating all of your computers with child abuse (SS always have to follow up in these circumstances, and this will be very very stressful for you and your son)

Follow your instincts always. You know he is rotten deep down.