I appreciate my issue is tiny in comparison to other threads on this board, but it's been niggling me.
Last night I (31) was out with my boyfriend (30, dating a year, live together) and his friends for a friend's birthday celebration. Not a huge fan of this friendship group - they regularly go away for long weekends just to do drugs... BF has not been on the last few weekends (that have occurred whilst dating me) as he 'doesn't want to do drugs any more'. I hide the disdain for their lifestyles from the group. BF full well knows my thoughts.
BF has said for the last few months that he's going to look for a new job (we both are due to mortgage/house-buying reasons). I committed to the same thing and have been/am going through 4 different interviews processes; he, none. His CV hasn't even gone out. For context, I am already pulling double weight financially in that my salary is twice his.
He's childish when drunk i.e. says random unrelated sentences interrupting the other person talking. I feel like I have to paper/gloss over his bizarre interjections. Babysit him. It's embarrassing, but not that much of a biggie. But last night, him and the friends are jokingly flipping the bird at each other, just being fucking teenage. I’m just grinning and wishing I could go home…I’d had to go into the office that afternoon to work and on-top of the month of interviews I’ve been doing (with the aim of: buy house, get great mat package…being a grown-up), I just thought, ‘FFS. When is he going to grow up? He says he wants kids with me, buy a house etc, but, jesus. It feels like I’m the only one putting pen to paper…and he enjoys these shit-tastic nights out with these people’
Anyway, I’m chatting to one of his friends and enjoying the conversation, then I see my boyfriend at the bar talking to one of the girls in the group. He’s known her for maybe 4-5 years, but last saw her a year ago. They’re not best friends or even great friends. I see him wrap his arms around her waist, her arms over his shoulders, he’s lifting her up and bear-hugging. Her feet are dangling in the air and it’s full-body contact with her head in his neck. I was fuming, but had to restrain for the sake of not upsetting the party. When he came over to me, I said ‘that’s not cool what you did’…his reply: ‘oh you’re being ridiculous. She has a boyfriend’…as if her having a boyfriend makes a difference. What then pissed me off further was that he apologised to me, but then called me ridiculous for feeling how I did…so, in essence, a non-apology. He admitted that had a guy done that to me, he wouldn’t have liked it at all. In my book, that kind of a hug is 100% not appropriate.
I left the party about 15 minutes later. And part of me did think 'what else does he do when drunk? What else haven't I seen?' - as I said, he's immature when drunk...easily led. He is the classic example of a Bilbo Baggins 'I'm going on an adventure!' when he's drunk.
So, and I’m sorry this is so garbled, my questions are: i) would that hug have pissed you off? And ii) would you be concerned about his, in my eyes, immature lifestyle?
Other thoughts/answers obviously welcomed! Thank you.