Can monogamy really work nowadays?

[Mumtobeluc]

I just want to hear people's experiences.

In my twenties wondering what I should expect in the future of a marriage. Not trying to be negative just want to be realistic and mums net seems to be great for this sort of stuff.

Every marriage is different and if you marry the right person you hopefully won’t want to shag anyone else.

Of course it can. Why wouldn’t it?

Nothing quite like the feel of something new

@Baumederose I bet you’re single

Tbh I'm really losing faith these days. Also in my twenties and married with DC. Neither me or DH have cheated but pretty much everyone we know is cheating on their spouse/partner. It seems to just be the norm and no one bats an eyelid. Really sad.

I have no urges to be with other people but after all the threads you read on here it's like woah is this what people really do.
I know all relationships are different but seems so so common.

Yes. Although if may not for you by the sounds of it. I'm your age and I find sleeping with more person that one during the same time period gross. I would also find the though of my sexual partner sleeping with other people while they are sleeping with me really gross (not that I have ever asked).

Yes plenty of people, men as well as women, want to be monogamous. And “these days”? Why would it be different “these days” (and compared to when)?

Me and DH have been together for 10 years this February. We got together at 15 and neither of us (that I know of) have cheated

I know a few people who now have open relationships and it just seems to be more common and with social media I think people look elsewhere and cheat easier. I don't know why I'm asking to hear people's experiences. I'm engaged just had a baby and about to move into a new house with my partner and I'm really excited but don't know if my beliefs are naive. I want to believe with hard work that he'll be content down the line. We are very much in love by the way but I've only ever really known of marriages that have broken down or the women stays and is miserable and the husband has his bit on the side.

I don't get open relationships. They seem pointless to me.

If you truly love someone and they are the right person you won't even want to cheat so seems to me that if you do, you don't want to be with that person, so should just split up.

That's not direct to you OP, when I say 'you', Just general musings.

Have been with dh for 10 years, would never stray, he's basically my other half in the sack and this kills any desire to stray (even if my head is turned!)
Was married previously and while I never cheated, I certainly contemplated it at times as I always had that feeling the grass maybe greener. That feeling has gone now I'm with dh

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences :)

When I was a child (late 70s) my mum, who was single through choice, had friends (mainly postgraduate students) who rejected monogamy as bourgeois and pursued various alternatives (open marriages, menages a trois, that kind of thing). They all ended up causing much pain and unhappiness, including a suicide, and the people involved moved on to form conventional relationships.

I would consider this in a relationship (being open) if it could help the marriage.

I want to believe with hard work that he'll be content down the line Is he fretting about your future contentment, or do only the man's needs count?

Monogamy can 100% work these days, though I do think it's somewhat easier to 'stray' now. It's so ridiculously easy to meet people online or through social media and I think a lot of the time, that's what contributes to most affairs and infidelities.

But, that being said, if you're a decent enough person, it won't/shouldn't matter how much temptation is around!

I think it helps not to get married too young. We can't plan when we meet the right person but, if it's at a young age, we can wait while doing other stuff which could include travelling, working or even being with other people. I've been married to DH for 26 years, we've had a LOT of life problems thrown at us but have always been a strong couple (e.g.disability, illness, money problems). However, I am his second wife, he got married the first time at 26 to someone 6 years older than him, thankfully they didn't have any children

Oh, and he was unfaithful

We’ve been together 10 years and married for 4 of those. So far so good - both of us discussed the fact we were in for the long haul and exclusively early on, and we try and keep communicating with each other.

Both sets of parents are also in long, happy, monogamous marriages and I do think having both grown up seeing that working is a big advantage, because we know how to work through rough patches and we share an expectation that being mutually vulnerable and loving and respectful is normal.

How can you love someone if you sleep with someone else, was you thinking of me whilst you was sleeping with her ?? No I didn't think so either barf**

I know all relationships are different but seems so so common.

Remember that both here and in real life; people will talk about what they need support with, what's gone wrong. They won't often talk about things that are just fine. (Some people will overplay the good stuff either to hide worse things or to brag; but that's pretty easy to identify!)

Monogamy is probably the only way relationships can thrive.
We’re not “nowadays”and there was treated expectations of fidelity and loyalty perhaps when we married but our children and their friends certainly see it as what they aspire to.
Our mid 20s daughter is thinking of a date and the pair of them are certain that when they make their vows it will be forever. Neither of them has “put it about” prior to this relationship but they’ve both had boyfriends/girlfriends without feeling they wanted to commit and raise a family together.
Our son had a keen eye for a pretty girl in his younger days (he’s 22 now) but has always been clear that when seeing someone you are required to remain faithful to be considered moral. He’s been with a lovely girl a little while now and whilst she’s probably a bit young to commit for life, they both agree acceptable behaviours and want to make it work in the longer term. Time will tell.
Our youngest is very clear that she wouldn’t have children outside of wedlock. That she wouldn’t marry until her husband could provide adequately for them both and that marriage is for life. She’s been with her boyfriend about two years but they are too young and financially dependent to even contemplate marriage yet.
All our friends children (no, most of their children) are intent on loving, married, permanent relationships. I know few divorced people so that probably impacts on the children’s expectations too.

I'd rather be single than have an open relationship.

I ended my marriage upon the suspicion of an affair and later discovered I was right.

No time for it.