Can monogamy really work nowadays?

[Mumtobeluc]

I just want to hear people's experiences.

In my twenties wondering what I should expect in the future of a marriage. Not trying to be negative just want to be realistic and mums net seems to be great for this sort of stuff.

Agree it's not exclusive to men, but, I do think that if a woman is really n love, she's unlikely to stray. I think men can compartmentalise more. "Shagging Louise from work just the once, doesn't reduce how much I love my wife..Louise was just a shag".

I also think, that when women are raising the babies, aren't as up for sex as much, and generally are exhausted, that it's easy for men to suddenly find single girls at the Office attractive. I've seen it sooo many times.

Regarding your title: as opposed to when?

People have always cheated on each other.

It's a risk you take going into a relationship.
Personally, I think it's a leap of faith to think it will work out. Shit will happen during relationships.

I do think the idea of monogamy was pushed onto us by the state and the church both of whom have so much to gain by this.
It was always about getting money out of people and this has now been adopted by hotels, florists, bridal shops, you name it.
People have always been adulterous , prostitution and the sex industry would not exist otherwise. It's not single people who keep it going, in the main it's married men.
The main difference now is that divorce is not regarded by most as sinful.
I remember when my mum's next door neighbour died. His wife told my mum that he had beaten her and cheated on her throughout their married life.
Then the neighbour at the other side died. His widow told the same tale.

Women were expected to put up and shut up.

The amount of men admitting to have committed adultery does not match the divorce rate. Clearly lots of people either turn a blind eye or tolerate a non monogamous relationship.
Two of my close friends only left their husbands due to domestic violence, they tolerated the adultery.

I also believe society pushes young men and women into settling down far too soon.
I met my dp later in life and he is perfect for me. Neither of us have any desire to be with anyone else.
However it took us a long time to find each other.

It really depends on the culture and circumstances, which large have to do with resources and if children can be raised communally or preferentially by a couple.

I’m not sure it natural to stay with one person your whole life. I agree that it’s mainly pressure from society to do this. I said to someone once who was divorced ‘is it really an achievement or a badge of honour to actually only be with one person your whole life??! Not really?

I'm not monogamous.

Feels weird to say that, but after 10 years of marriage it's the truth.

I didn't set out to have an affair, but sometimes as people we need different things and not just one person can provide that.

I met my DH when I was 17. Been together 31 years and neither of us has been with anyone else. Life has its ups and downs but you work through them, you dont cheat.

From the ONS

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2016

What percentage of marriages end in divorce?
The percentage of marriages ending in divorce has generally increased for those marrying between the early 1970s and the early 1990s. For example, 22% of marriages in 1970 had ended by the 15th wedding anniversary, whereas 33% of marriages in 1995 had ended after the same period of time. For those marrying since 2000, there is some evidence of decreases in the proportion of marriages ending in divorce. The proportion of men and women who had ever divorced has also declined over recent decades.
The cumulative percentages of marriages that end in divorce increase more rapidly in the first 10 years of marriage than the 10 years after that. Once the 20th wedding anniversary is reached, the cumulative percentages increase less rapidly.
What percentage of marriages end in divorce? shows that the estimated percentage of marriages ending in divorce (assuming 2010 divorce and mortality rates throughout the duration of marriage) is 42%. Around half of these divorces are expected to occur in the first 10 years of marriage.