Am i supposed to enjoy sex?...

[AtLiberty]

I dont! and it slowly destroying our relationship

Yeah.

Oooooo, yeeeessssss!

Have you ever enjoyed it?

Either with your current partner or any partner?

Im obviously going very very wrong then, i hate it!!

no i have never enjoyed it

I enjoyed it too much

Agree with expatinscotland...
ooooo yessssss!

I have only had 3 partners and i have to say i have always found sex awkward and very very unsatisfying in anyway!! i can only describe it as always feeling like i have been invaded afterwards

Where on earth am i going wrong??

But I can understand that some people don't. Poor you...don't be ashamed about this...

So you dont orgasm during sex?

Do you orgasm by yourself?

sorry to sound like a sex therapist, just need more info. Friend has this issue too, and I asked her all this too. She didnt ever masturbate herself and has never had a climax so avoids sex much to her husbands distress

I am dissapointed, my close girlfriends and i share giggles about the men in our lives sometimes and altho some of my friends are like me, alot of my friends enjoy a really good sex life and my partner so badly wants that too! he is very understanding and patient with me, but im very ashamed to admit we havent had sex now for 2 years!!!

feeling invaded isn't good...did you ever initiate sex...did you genuinely want it? Is it that you expect it to be crap so don't really want it, so then it is crap and you are stuck in a self-thingy circle (shit...my vocab has been decimated by having a baby!)

hockeypuck - yeah thats me, i dont do anything! i have orgasmed before but that was by myself, i have never done so with any partner - if anything i find myself left cold.

i dont know really, i have to say as really immature as it sounds, i find myself so embarassed by it all that i dont even get close to enjoying anything, why am i so embarassed by it though? im not 14!!!

Does he keep on trying...do you know what I mean? Is sex taking too long for you...if you're not going to orgasm and you're not really enjoying it then a thoughtful, generous chap who thinks he'll just keep plugging away (!!) until you orgasm can be counter-productive...

Do you do foreplay?

so you've established that you can orgasm, has your partner tried lots of things, tons of foreplay, oral etc

There is so much truth in the more you have it the more you want it. Can you force yourself to have it say, once a fortnight to start off with in the hope one day you want to initiate it. Get DP working hard on the foreplay, get yourself tipsy first etc?

yeah foreplay, and i occasionally get something out of that, but i find penentrative sex painful - i really dont know why as i have tried lots of things to help to no avail, he doesnt really try anymore and we dont discuss it now either i know he wants it badly but im just not into it at all, i so badly want to just do it anyway for him, but even the thought of it just makes me want to turn and run like hell!! im so fed-up with it all now, i know its going to destroy our relationship if i cant sort it out soon, but i just dont know what to try anymore, we have been to relate and i didnt feel that helped in anyway at all, so, i guess im maybe at a dead end now.

Atliberty,

You do not of course have to answer any of the following but the following may have some bearing on why you feel as you do re sex:-

Were you brought up by your parents to believe that sex before marriage was somehow wrong or sex was somehow not something that "nice girls did" or was seen to be "dirty". Were you abused sexually?

This may be an attitude that goes back to your childhood and experiences from it. Will you consider counselling for this matter, I think it needs addressing for your own sake. I am glad your partner has been very patient; you need support and understanding and perhaps as well a sex therapist could help you both.

BACP is a good place to start if you are thinking at all about counselling.

HP i know i should try and give him something and your probably right the more we do the more id figure it out i guess but honestly the thought of it alone, turns me off bigtime!!

poor you, I go through periods when I can;t be arsed and DH does get a little miffed, but I find that when I make the effort and iniate something I always think why don;t I do that more often!

I'm glad that he;s understanding and patient. Have you thought of seeing anyone about this a counsellor maybe rather than a GP

Physically painful? For years? With all partners?
That has a name..but again my brain has failed...someone willknow..

AtLiberty, know what you mean about it destroying a relationship. I don't share your feelings of akwardness but do often find sex ... boring (and not just with dh but previous partners too). Not having sex as often as DH wants makes him incredibly frustrated and does impact badly on our relationship.

From my own experience, I would say that you cannot let this problem go indefinately. I think you need to do something to overcome your feelings about sex - it really is not something sordid but an important and natural part of any relationship.

Can you identify why you feel like this - is it the way sex was talked about when you were a child? Would some form of counselling help? Not tried this myself, but know people who have and it did actually help them.

Know there is no magic solution so good luck!

sex was somehow not something that "nice girls did" - thats something my mother used to imply - never say, but frequently implied, hmmm i wonder if it is something to do with that? my mum is great but she is very old fashioned, and i do tend to take thing she says with a pinch of salt but maybe something in re. to sex has stayed with me....

AtLiberty - you are not alone....

I've had plenty, went on a fruitless search to find someone who I could enjoy it with and.......no luck.

I've not enjoyed it once but am very good at pretending I am to get it over with faster.

I wouldn't care if I never had sex again. Ever. In fact it'd b a relief.