Am i supposed to enjoy sex?...

[AtLiberty]

I dont! and it slowly destroying our relationship

I think the name is Vaginismus. Its actually a psychological thing, you instinctively tighten your muscles making penetration painful, maybe not even realising you are doing so.

Have you ever enjoyed sex? at the beginning of a relationship for example?

If none of the previous post by me applies have you ever approached your GP to try and establish a medical cause?.

Endometriosis for instance can cause deep pain during sex and can make penetrative sex very uncomfortable.

A really thick hymen can cause problems with regards to penetration as well.

i need to do something i know that, but im not sure in what way anyone can stop me finding sex embarassing!? i mean how is it anything but embarassing to play with each others private bits? (sorry lol)

Pfer - thats me!!

Atliberty

I would think your Mother's attitude has ingrained itself in your childhood memory. Such things can be unlearnt but you will need lots of time and patience with a sex therapist to overcome it.

Will you be willing and able for both of you to see such a therapist?.

Please go to your GP too and discuss this. You also need to rule out any medical causes causing penetration problems or deep pain during sex (endometriosis is one possible cause for that particular problem).

not 'private' bits between two people in a close loving relationship...iykwim.

is it less embarrassing in the dark? Or after one or two too many glasses of wine?

www.bacp.co.uk is the website of the British Association for Counselling and Pyschotherapy.

Hmm i never thought it could be anything phyically not right, i thought maybe its just me, and im wired up wrong down there or something i may have a chat with my GP

try googling 'pain during sex' some really useful sites giving possible causes etc

I have to say after a few drinks im pretty friendly and very flirty, but surely i cant get lashed everytime he wants to get his leg over?

no, but if sex is better when your tipsy...implies it is less of a physical problem and more psychological, maybe to do with relaxing etc

I would urge you to talk with your GP in the first instance.

You are deserving of a happy sex life with your partner. I think you want to solve this problem.

I wish you well.

Hmm yeah, i guess i really really need to sort this out now!

It does sound like counselling might be useful, to be honest.

If you are capable of orgasm solo, but not with a partner, have you tried showing your partner what works for you? I know, I expect it's an embarassing idea, but it's perfectly normal, and I bet he'd enjoy sex a lot more if he could actually please you.

You seem quite fixated on penetrative sex, too. Some women (many women, really!) don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and if it's not something you like, you shouldn't do it. There's no reason (other than procreation) that you'd have to do this.

I wish i could wake-up in the morning and be what my fella needs so badly, but it doesnt work like that does it!

Showing him just seems far too embarassing!! honestly the fact that i bring it up now here with you guys is miraculous for me, normally my usual response is to bury my head in the sand and act like nothings wrong, but im still capable of knowing that thats not going to help either of us if i carry that on!!

I am THE ultimate sexual misfit

No you're not...iirc there are other people on MN who had real problems with this and have managed to do something about it. So you're not alone.

i have to log off now...RL is intruding. Try bumping this for the evening crowd.

Your problems are not that unusual - actually, you're better off than some, who don't even manage to orgasm solo.

I really think that talking to a professional counsellor about this would be a very good idea. You could ask for a female counsellor, if that would be easier for you?

Can you face going to the GP, or could you pay for a private counsellor?

do you enjoy other things? don't answer if you don't want to but do you enjoy oral or anything?

Thanku for trying to help me everyone, i feel so silly about this, i have tried to figure this out for so long now and got nowhere im just completley exhausted by it all, i know now that i am going to have to see my GP about it and see what, if anything, he/she can do. Failing that i will just resign myself to the fact i may end up to be a frigid old spinster.

No, no oral or anything, i find it all really embarrasing, and it makes me feel really silly

Hmmm, do you find the idea of anything sexual appealing? Not the reality, but the idea?

If so, what? You don't have to say here (well, obviously, you don't have to say anything on here that you don't want to!), but it might be worth thinking about this. (e.g. is it women? Or someone very different from your DP?)

It does sound like you are very inhibited about sex, and this is causing some problems for yourself in your relationship.

no,not at all.it can be embarassing if you are not relaxed.it's good you can orgasm on your own and good you can get in the mood when you've had a drink.
how is your dh about it all? do you talk about it?