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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I imagining this?

87 replies

onemoresmartie · 03/09/2018 09:54

Me and OH we're out on Saturday night and were quite drunk but I remember most things that happened ie conversations, walking home etc

I looked on my online banking this morning and there are 2 separate transactions on my bank account to him totalling £150!

I woke him up and asked him wtf it was? And he said oh yeah don't you remember you asking me to play online roulette on Saturday night?

I said no I don't remember doing that and he said he was upset about it?

He does gamble every now and again...I'm not happy at all and the fact he didn't mention it at all yesterday and I only knew about it when I checked my account this morning

Don't know what to do 😩

OP posts:
Ellapaella · 03/09/2018 11:40

Either way he's either stolen from you and is lying or he's taken money from you when you were too drunk to properly consent to it. Both acts are deceitful and not what you should expect from someone who loves you.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/09/2018 11:41

Please don’t stay with a gambling addict who lies and steals and tries to blame you. Unless you want a miserable life.

spugzbunny · 03/09/2018 11:47

Can you call the bank and ask what time the transactions were?

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 03/09/2018 11:48

He said we were lying in bed and I agreed to the first £50 and then he lost it and asked for more and I agreed because he said he would win it back

I can't remember this being discussed but hey ho it's happened and he has assured me he will pay it back on Friday so I will have to wait it out and hope that he does

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 03/09/2018 11:53

Why are you so passive about this? Don't you care that he broke your trust and stole money from you? Even if he repays you how can you stay with someone with so little integrity?

gamerchick · 03/09/2018 11:57

Maybe you need to change the way you get into your phone or put a password on your banking you have to input each time you use it.

If you shrug this off, don't be surprised when it happens again.

another20 · 03/09/2018 12:06

www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/helping-others/signs-of-a-problem

Have a look at the above website to see if there are any behaviours that are similar.

If so, and once you have picked yourself up off the floor - you seriously need to do a proper investigation to understand how big this issue is and how far you are implicated. I expect this is the tip of the iceberg - it will not go away if you ignore it. You need to a calm approach to protect yourself as you may have a lot to lose.

Cindersdonegood · 03/09/2018 12:29

I agree with the others here. He's used your fingerprint when asleep. Make sure he pays you back and quite honestly I would never get drunk with him again.

Keep a close eye on your accounts from now on. I'm not saying leave the guy just yet because if you really do struggle to recall what you did last night, it is possible you did say it was okay (not that drunk consent counts but it's also depends on how wasted he was as well. He may not have realised you were drunker than him and I have been known to come across as a lot more sober when I really, really wasn't!)
Personally I couldn't be with a skint gambler. DH like a flutter on the lottery but if we are ever short of money we would never think to borrow money to play.

Randomnumbers7483 · 03/09/2018 12:38

For goodness sake at least take the finger print access off of your bank - it isn’t safe - change it to a pin code or password or something and don’t tell him, whilst you are deciding what to do!!!

Also - yes, obviously you should be dumping him - he is a gambler which is enough of a reason to start with - let alone what he has done here!

Please raise your standards of what is acceptable behaviour for someone to spend your time on the Earth with - you have a limited time here - don’t waste it on someone that isn’t honest and doesn’t treat you with respect.

cakecakecheese · 03/09/2018 12:52

He either stole the money using your fingerprint or maybe he did ask you but you might not have been conscious enough to know what you're agreeing to which is just as bad as outright stealing. You need to tell him that he will absolutely not be gambling with your money ever again. If he has a gambling addiction then he needs help. You cannot stay with someone who has a gambling addiction but won't seek help as you could end up losing everything.

cakecakecheese · 03/09/2018 12:54

Oh and I agree with changing the banking security measures.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/09/2018 12:57

He’ll bleed you dry to feed his addiction to gambling and he won’t give a shit OP.

twilightsaga · 03/09/2018 13:23

He used your print while you were asleep. He's obviously used your money to gamble and tried to gaslight you by saying you agreed. And even so, if you're partner is drunk saying let's spend 300 quid on online roulette I'd personally say no you're drunk don't be silly. He's an arse. I have been with someone who stole money from me and it will happen again

FinallyHere · 03/09/2018 13:43

I wouldn't ask for it back. I would break up with him, right away, and get my life back.

Noone should have to live, taking precautions, afraid that their partner would steal from them, again.

MulticolourMophead · 03/09/2018 13:54

This guy is going to be in huge debt, and he's lying to you.

I'd start to extricate myself from this relationship, if it were me.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 03/09/2018 14:09

Remove your finger print ID so it can't happen again and don't tell him.

MrsMozart · 03/09/2018 14:14

Keep your fingerprint security and remove him.

ravenmum · 03/09/2018 14:16

OP didn't just agree to him doing it - according to him, it was her idea.
That is what would make me suspicious, that he's actually even blaming it all on you, smartie, as he knows you would be pissed off if it was even his idea at all.

fiercelikefrida · 03/09/2018 14:24

I think he's lying, why would you suggest it? He's gas lighting you, either you were drunk and he asked and you agreed (because you were drunk) or he used your finger to get in while you were asleep.

I'd end it immediately, I wouldn't continue with someone who has gambling issues and is clearly dishonest/manipulative.

Save yourself the drama and heartache that's inevitably going to come later down the line.

ApproachingATunnel · 03/09/2018 14:34

He stole from you, that is pretty obvious. He probably waited for you to fall asleep and then used your finger to access the phone. He stole from you. Don’t minimise this and don’t look any further for explanations. All is falling into places- you phone reappearing, his reaction etc.
I would actually confront him head on and not back down until he admits to what he’s done. He’s got a gambling problem.

yoghurtbinger · 03/09/2018 14:48

There's nothing else I can do

There is, and you probably already know what it is even if you don't want to think about it yet.

LTB.

another20 · 03/09/2018 14:55

These people never admit to what they have done - their whole existence is already a web of lies and deception.

Don’t waste your breath - do whatever searches you need to do to establish the extent of the debt and where this impacts you. Then extricate yourself from any financial commitments with him and move on.

SupplychainNpton · 03/09/2018 15:06

So he started off saying you suggested it, but now he's told you he ASKED for the money?
He can't even get his story straight!
How disrespectful to think that you are stupid enough to believe him?

There was a similar thread recently where a different OP discovered her DP had used her bank card. She had shared her pin with him.
She went back through several months of transactions, and it ran into thousands.

This may not be the first time, and if you stay with him it won't be the last.

MulticolourMophead · 03/09/2018 15:10

OP, if you really want to find out a few things, lock your phone away at night, where he can't get to it.

SherbetSorbet · 03/09/2018 18:25

If you can access the casino account or have him show you, it will have a time stamp on the deposits.

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