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Original poster

Is this a break up message

91 replies

Phoenix39 · 31/08/2018 21:50

Ok I’m confused and I’m normally pretty sensible...been seeing a guy for 6-7 months both have a lot of issues both sides but we got on well together and just enjoyed each other...but the last month or so things seemed to be getting closer...anyway cut to yesterday and I receive the following message..at first I just though he wanted to explain himself but now (and I am guilty of overthinking) I’m wondering if he’s actually calling it a day??
‘Hey gorgeous! How you doing!?. I just want to say that I’m sorry I’ve been a bit distant for the last week or so, it isn’t anything you’ve done, sometimes everything going on in my life just gets a bit much for me & I have to step back a bit. Hope you understand. You ok?, busy day?xxxx😘

I should say I haven’t heard from him today, which is not so unusual but I’ve also WhatsApp him asking for clarification and get only one grey tick to say sent but not received - blocked?
What do you all think?

OP posts:
lavenderhoney · 01/09/2018 01:52

He thinks he's been distant for the last week or so in his message. Has he?

He's telling you he needs to tahr s break but still wants to have you around. If you are aware of what he means that is going on in his life he needs to focus on and having a gf doesn't fit - presumably he mentioned this already?

Otherwise I think he is letting you down gently because he surely doesn't expect you to be in s relationship but not see him for an indefinite period ? Or is he on a break and you aren't?

I too overthink:) however I think but he's telling you he has been distant, apologising and then saying he won't be in contact til he is less busy. Alrighty.

bpirockin · 01/09/2018 02:33

It certainly doesn't read like a break-up message to me. He's trying to connect with you, while acknowledging and apologising for the fact that he might seem bit distant at times.

So Gorgeous, how are things with you?

Eryngium · 01/09/2018 02:38

What are the "lots of issues" on his side?

Personally, I'm sceptical of people who call you things like "gorgeous" in place of your actual name, unless you've been together much longer than 6 months and it's only occasional. How often does he use your name?

Ime people who've become so overwhelmed they needed to take a break from all social contact with other people don't explain it or return from it in such a bright, breezy, nonchalant way.

Maybe you're not overthinking it, just listening to your gut. Feels off to me.

But that's just me.

Thesearepearls · 01/09/2018 02:41

It just sounds like he's not that into you

We all know what it is when people are into one another. The texts are constant, the messages are constant and the attention is constant.

Just write it off to experience and maybe after kissing a lot of frogs ...

offupop · 01/09/2018 02:56

Sounds like he's either depressed and struggling with life, and doesn't have the energy to give.

Or he's a player, and he's trying to smooth things over to get back in your pants.

Sorry OP, hope you're ok 🌸

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2018 05:35

What his message is saying is that he wants YOU to be the one to officially break it off because he's too much of a coward. You can do a lot better than this tosser.

PookieDo · 01/09/2018 09:09

Hmm many possibilities here...

On the surface it seems like a nice text. It says nice things. But I would be concerned it’s setting a scene for being out of the loop and no communication for periods of time, but keeping you interested. If I had been a bit rubbish/busy with life then the person would have known about it ‘god I am having a busy week, so sorry but let’s meet up xyz’
It’s setting a story for being flakey without blaming you in any way but doesn’t give you anything more solid. I would say clearly he hasn’t given up on your relationship entirely, but keep an eye out whether he is starting to check out. You will know because it will all be a bit vague.

Nettletheelf · 01/09/2018 09:48

I’m with Aquamarine. He wants you to contact him to say, “what’s all this, are you breaking up with me?” So that he can say, “oh dear, I didn’t want to do this over the phone/social media, it’s not you it’s me blah blah”.

Normal men who like you don’t carry on like this.

Scaredofflyinh · 01/09/2018 09:56

Could he be married?

SuperSuperSuper · 01/09/2018 11:31

He doesn't sound reliable. The "gorgeous" and the emojis are all well and good, but he seems flaky. Not sure about this one. Will be interestinh to know how he responds.

OutPinked · 01/09/2018 11:38

Not a break up message but I definitely don’t think he’s that into you. Plainly because people aren’t sporadically distant from someone they’re really into 6 months into a relationship, they just aren’t. Not unless something major is going on in his life I.e loss of a loved one, serious illness etc. Suppose it depends how distant he has been and for how long as well.

ItIsOkItIsASecret · 01/09/2018 11:38

The message is ambiguous - no one here is to know if that is intentional on his part - and so all interpretations are potentially valid.

OutPinked · 01/09/2018 11:38

Sounds a bit flaky and like he’s dangling you from a string.

RhubarbTea · 01/09/2018 11:43

The variation of interpretations here is amazing!

I'd take that at face value, that is he means the things he is saying. But I'd be quite Hmm at getting that after someone had been distant. Actions not words and all that. Don't apologise for being distant via text. Texting is distant!
Decide how you feel based on your interactions with him in person and how well he treats you, whether you trust him, feel safe and relaxed etc. Not based on one text.

longestlurkerever · 01/09/2018 11:46

I wouldn't like this message either. Far too vague. Not just apologising ybeibg distant but keeping you at a distance. Sorry OP

ithurtslikeafucker · 01/09/2018 11:58

My ex used to do this. Turned out he had a girlfriend.

butterfly56 · 01/09/2018 12:22

So it's taken him a week or so to explain why he has been distant.
In the meantime he's got you feeling insecure about the situation and that is exactly where he wants you.
You don't know where you stand with him because he is not going to give you that type of security.
He's leading you a merry dance and best to stay clear of these flakey types.

Joysmum · 01/09/2018 12:26

The message is clear but the intention and nuances behind it are not.

I read it as intended because it’s almost word for word what I’d write and what I need at times.

Everyone on here can only surmise, you need to get your answers from him.

cittigirl · 01/09/2018 12:29

I wouldn't see it as breaking up at all. I'm seeing someone..about the same amount of time and we both have heavy stuff going on in our lives at the mo though we do chat everyday. Sometimes I can't give everything and vice versa. I would ask if he's ok and can i help.

loveyoutothemoon · 01/09/2018 13:01

I wouldn't see it as break up message as such, but when someone has a lot of stuff going on and they really care about someone they'll want to make time to message or chat.

OliviaStabler · 01/09/2018 13:03

Sounds like a simple apology to me

Pompom42 · 01/09/2018 13:14

I don't think he's breaking up with you but he's defo cooling it off a bit

Isitovernow · 01/09/2018 13:20

@Phoenix39 What do you think based on knowing him? My reading was that he's a bit caught up in his 'own stuff' and wanted to explain so as not to scare you away. The questions on the text show that he wants to keep the lines of communication open, which is good, non?

IMHO, you've two choices:

  1. Be up front. Ring him and ask to meet up and then try to have a frank, yet non-confrontational discussion. If not now, when? This is your life too, right. It shouldn't just be all on his terms...I'm great at giving advice like this but I do feel for you as I know what it's like.
  2. Employ the whole 'treat em mean, keep em keen' strategy. Make literally zero effort from here on out and see if he steps up...the only danger with this is if you're prone to overthinking, this could damn near consume you.

Best of luck. Let us know how it goes. I really hope things work out for you both.

LoveSummerLife · 01/09/2018 13:30

He's not breaking up with you but I also think he's not that into you, when you're into someone and life gets busy you still make the time to at least text them and ask how they are, if it's more than that and life is tough then you want to connect with them because they make you happier not pull away.
The message not received would freak me out a bit too, is it possible he's got no data? Maybe his wifi is down (long shot but possible has happened to me). Or his battery could have died have you tried ringing him?

Joysmum · 01/09/2018 14:57

when someone has a lot of stuff going on and they really care about someone they'll want to make time to message or chat

Not if they are feeling overwhelmed. I do this when when I struggle with my mental health. My friends and family mean the world to me but understand that’s how I cope sometimes.

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